When You Want Kids and Your Spouse Doesn't

Kids.

They are the epitome of our existence.

We all were kids once, but deciding to have a child is a completely different burden. Sometimes I envy people that "accidentally" have a child. Although, there is no accident when it comes to doing, what I like to call, the "baby dance."

Perhaps you and your significant other have discussed having children, but one of you won't commit. Or perhaps, you have decided you don't want have children.

Ideally, it's important to have these conversations prior to a committed relationship being developed. However, if your situation is anything like mine, it's possible you changed your mind, and now you do want children.

I am a stepmother to three wonderful children, and when my husband and I started dating, we promptly discussed the topic of having children. I was extremely adamant on never having children of my own, and my husband did not want a fourth child.

Three years after getting married, he brought up the topic of having children. He knew that the desire to have a child had awoken within me, and he wanted us to discuss it. First, he reminded me that he did not plan on having any more children, and secondly, he openly discussed his fears. After a heartfelt and tear-filled conversation, we came to the conclusion that children were not in our future.

Now, how did I (the spouse that wants children of her own) overcome that? Here are a few things that I have done, and I want to share them with you, in hopes they will help you, too:

1. I set goals for myself. BIG goals. I sat down and wrote down all of the things I want to accomplish, whether it be in the immediate future, or in the long-term. (To give you an idea, things like "buy a house," "finish my first book," and "retire young" made the list.)
2. I never miss my birth control. I make sure to have my doctor appointments scheduled well ahead of time, so that I do not miss my shot.
3. I spend as much time as possible with my stepchildren, ensuring that I am feeding the relationship between all of us, while also keeping in mind, they won't always be this age.
4. We have a 'back-up' plan. Let's say in a few years, I still have the urge to have children, we will become foster parents. But by then, we will have accomplished some of our goals, putting us in a position to help those who are less fortunate.

I understand that some of you may be thinking, "Why don't you just end your relationship, and save yourself possible resentment?" Well, I have already bonded with my stepchildren. I see them as if they were my own, and I wouldn't leave my family to create another. It doesn't seem fair to them. I don't resent my husband; after all, we did discuss this prior to getting married. We both knew what we were getting in to.

Nothing in this world is perfect, but if we take off our rose-colored glasses, we will begin to see how beautiful life really is, for the difficult moments, the great moments, and everything in between.