When It Becomes Too Heavy

Domestic violence is like this country's dirty little secret. Everyone knows it is happening but, until it directly affects you or someone you love, it isn't talked about. There are many reasons why, such as embarrassment, shame, and even guilt; we are silenced. As little girls we are told that a boys is mean to you when 'he likes you' and that "boys will be boys." As we grow we are ingrained to accept that boys are rough, they can be mean, and that their affection can hurt. That is beyond unfair. He can't hurt you and love you at the same time.

So I want you to imagine something. You are both water glasses and you both have weights in the bottom. Yours is full; full of life, full of love, full of ambition and will power. Your weight seems meaningless in the water and you can move freely. His is almost empty and he is stuck. You see him and naturally you desire to help him. Why wouldn't you? You have so much love to give. So you pour your fullness in to him. Again and again and again. And as you do, you begin to feel the pull of the weight. But it's okay, because SURELY he will give back to you when he can. So you keep pouring until you have nothing left and you can no longer move away from him. He doesn't give anything back. Now gradually, your glass will collect water again but it takes so much strength and will power and encouragement. As hard as you fight you glass may never be as full as it once was.

This is why we don't say "why didn't she just leave?" Because she couldn't.

I stand here today stronger than I have ever been in my life. A survivor, among survivors. With internal scars that only I understand. I was asked in counselling if I could write a letter and say all the things I wanted to say to him that I never got to. It was a funny letter where I wished him wet socks and parking tickets but at the end it read 'I forgive you, but most importantly I forgive myself for allowing you to hurt me for so long' I ask you to let go of all of your anger and forgive him but also FORGIVE YOURSELF. You see forgiveness doesn't help him, it is solely for you. When you hang on to anger and hate it weighs you down. It puts a hole in your glass and all of that liquid you tried so hard to regain spills out on to him again. Men like him don't seek out the weak, they prey on the strong. You are so strong, stronger than you can possibly imagine. I know you will move past this and be who you are supposed to be, but you can't drag him as baggage to the next place. I challenge you all to take this day back, do not allow him to take anymore of your future. Let go! Thank you.'

This is a speech, I wrote for a domestic violence rally that I was asked to speak at, three years prior to separating from my abusive husband of 8 years. This speech is to spread awareness and to hopefully inspire and encourage another person to seek help, may the find themselves in a similar situation. As a domestic violence advocate, I have met some amazing and incredibly strong women. I have learned so much from them but the greatest lesson, was always to believe in myself and to help others anytime I can.

#lovedoesnthurt #maybehedoesnthityou