What If, Every Teen Girl Can Manage One Common Value on Social Media?

As a retired teacher, shocked at many online and offline scenarios of teen girls; always grounded in helping young people realize their potential, I began to research and write about survival in virtual spaces. Sadly, I came across too many stories from news, research and personal experiences about cyber bullying, sexual texting, drug addictions, unwanted pregnancies, family breakdowns and even suicides. I kept reading about shattered dreams but there was only emptiness with no clarity or resolutions to escape this unprecedented social media invasion.

Then, to be more depressed, I read about a belfie ... a new cultural norm for teen girls to embrace.

What is a Belfie?

The sink shot: When a girl takes a selfie in a bathroom mirror, often in a thong, and poses with her behind propped against the sink, so that it will appear larger. Not surprisingly, Kim Kardashian popularized this sort of shot, also known as a “belfie,” or butt selfie. Nancy Jo Sales: “American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers”

The big question

How can these multi-faceted complicated problems be resolved when teen girls generally lack adult processing brains to deal with or understand these trials and tribulations based on an incomplete timeline?

So, it became important to write a teen girl story about social media regrets and survival with some educational content or lessons and how could it apply to every girl as a learning tool.

This analogy began to materialize based on three steps: a moment of clarity, a common thread, and the power of 3 symbols representing

- a teenage brain as the protagonist

- a social media monster as the antagonist

- the passage of time ... past present and future.

A moment of clarity

By chance I found the turning pivot on one description about the strangest Paradox of Time:

It can only be managed in a very small time frame called TODAY. And TODAY can sometimes be sparked by a tinier matter of CHOICE.

"Choice was only an instant in a timeline but herein lies the tragedy or the triumph. As tiny as the moment of choice may be, it holds the seeds of reaction, decision, habit and everything else in between. Doesn’t it make better sense to broaden the scope or power of this moment?"

The common thread is the challenge or mission statement

How to respect the value of time in this unfiltered, unsupervised, virtual suspension of normal social rites for teen girls entering into adulthood on the internet?

If time can’t be replayed and only go forward, then the most precious commodity we have is Time Now and how to use it to its best value becomes essential.

This is the one common thread that every teen girl could relate to: what is the value of my time spend online versus offline?

“But time is only the medium not the victim here. It is a 14 year old girl who can become a victim because she can make a mistake that will affect her whole life. How fair is that? Is it her fault or is it the selfish culture around her? There must be a way to stop making the wrong choice at a young age.” Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand

Background perspective: at 14, I knew I was a somebody

It was impossible not to compare my youth growing up in the 1960’s where our social order was planted with family and focused on education toward a responsible career. At 14, I knew I was a somebody who best spend my time respecting set boundaries with friends and role models who lived close by and mutually liked each other. My biggest problem was what skirt to wear to the high school prom and this small private zit on my only mirror. The first time I heard of something weird called intercourse was at 18 years in a grade 10 PE class by a counselor.

Meet the protagonist ... curious teenage brain

Today, 14 year-old girls preen, post and prime for role models in competition to be objectified and evaluated by popular adult standards, unattainable except to the sensitive teenage brain fueled by dopamine likes and shares to belong to peer groups with some self-worth.

Imagine this untenable and virulent attack on the developing adolescent brain that works differently than adult brains because it is guided more by “random exploration” and by the emotional and reactive amygdala than the more experienced logical frontal cortex. The average adults’ judgement rationale to make decisions is reached in their mid-twenties.

Meet the monster antagonist … social media circus clown face

Today teen girls are innocent and curious growing up with both a love / hate relationship with social media that can't be stopped because their lives would feel empty. How do they protect themselves from this unprecedented onslaught with far implications for our culture where coming-of-age women find maturity from superimposed hype, failed expectations and ego-driven materialism? What are the long-term consequences on family and society? Could it possibly get worse?

The mission statement reverts back to Time:

Lesson: If time can’t be replayed and only go forward, then the most precious commodity we have is Time Now and how to use it to its best value becomes essential.

How to use the power of symbols ...

Imagine if we could hold a visual timeline in our hand?

Because every person’s timeline is unique, an analogy is necessary to use the power of symbols to tangibly connect to the layers of the internet. The symbolic protagonist was an immature adolescent brain facing a symbolic antagonist of epic proportion known as the social media clown face ... huge and flagrant with superimposed hype and Selfie-driven materialism.

More symbols help to encompass the meaning of Time beyond the literal meaning of counting hours or days. Yesterday’s past experiences are put in a box, today’s present moments are alive in a circle and future visions are open-ended lines. The moment of choice is seen as a spark on today’s circle as different from a decision or habit. The whole story is linked together with a personal super power tool to help make good choices relevant to past, present and future based on a set of 3 questions.

“As brief as it might be, it is the matter of choice that makes it a superpower because it has the power to change the direction of your life. Nothing is more powerful with more consequences; so it’s a good thing to make it as smart as possible. I think we agree on making a strong, smart choice.” Excerpt: Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand

And so, this story was written based on a 3 day timeline from the adoration of a “Selfie Celtie” to drug testing to recollections on a beach to an adolescent brain mixing it up with a social media nightmare, to a grandmother’s kindly introduction to a personal super power tool to manage the teen girl’s precious timeline. A pivot point showed how life can turn around with the right message and choice.

Try a simple exercise if Time matters

First, how can teenagers visualize holding their timelines past, present and future in their hands? Second, why should a teenager be asked to quantify and qualify his or her time? Simple exercise:

Make TWO columns. One label: ONLINE TIME. List the times and activities spent here on cellphones or other devices taking more than 5 minutes of your time.

Label the second one OFFLINE TIME. List all the times and activities spent here without cellphones.

Qualify all activities with the letters:

U… Useful

SU… Sometimes Useful

NU… No Use … Waste of Time (WOT)

So, how do you think a teen girl might evaluate the ratio of results? Do you think she might be controlled by social media impositions? Is it time to talk about a new mindset to explore and enjoy the offline world all around us?

It is the right time to find solutions in this radically different digital culture.

Annemarie Berukoff

Excerpts from Teen Girl Faces Time in the Sand: Timely Tale of Struggles, Regrets and Survival on Social Media with a Superpower Tool.

Kindle edition: www.amzn.com/B08117R369