What I've Learned from Parenting

Parenting is the hardest job in the universe. Yes, I am convinced it is harder than deep-sea fishing, exploring space, performing brain surgery, or any other job you want to offer up as a contender. Do you know why? Because from the minute that screaming little bundle of joy pushes its way into the world, your life will never be yours again. Every hour, every minute, every second of every day is now a never-ending devotion towards your greatest creation. There are no sick days, no vacation days, and paid time off? Yeah, right.

Parenting is the hardest job in the universe, but it is also the most beautiful and most fulfilling. Again, try and come up with a better job than creating an actual human being and then shaping said human being into a beautiful, emotionally healthy and intelligent person who will bless and contribute positively to the world around them. There is nothing more important than this. Nothing. It is crucial, for the survival of goodness and light, that good seeds are planted and ready for the later harvest of humanity. This job, your job and mine, is important and it matters. So, pick yourself up off the bathroom floor, wipe the spit-up off your sleeve, and pay attention, because I am about to give you the secret to your success. Are you ready?

Patience

The saying "patience is a virtue" is famous for good reason. Having patience is the first step in teaching patience. If you want your child to cease throwing record-breaking tantrums every time he/she gets upset, first you must model patience. When you are angry, take a breath. When you are frustrated, take a breath. Your child is watching you all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and they are learning how to regulate their own emotions by watching you manage yours. Practice patience, breathe, and understand that the little being you created is their own person with big feelings that deserves your respect and acknowledgement just as you want your own feelings to be respected and acknowledged.

A Support System

Like I state above, parenting is HARD but it is even harder when you feel like you're doing it alone. A healthy and available support system is a must if you intend to take the first tip to heart and practice patience. In order to pour into your child's glass or the glass of your partner, you must first make sure your own glass is full. I know, I know, taking care of yourself doesn't always make it to the top of the to-do list for the day, but it needs to if you want to continue modeling patience and understanding. Without a support system to lean on and utilize when you need time-outs or cry to when your 2-year old has dumped the toy bin on the floor for the millionth time, you will burn out. Call your mom and cry. Ask your partner to watch the kids for an hour so you can run to Target or drive-thru Starbucks. Use the people around you and never feel too embarrassed or ashamed to ask for help. It takes a village, remember?

Dreams and Goals of Your Own

Yes, you are a parent now, but that doesn't mean that YOU have disappeared. You are still "you", the same person who dreamt of writing a best-selling novel or backpacking across Europe. Being a mother or father is only part of your identity. Be careful not to lose sight of yourself underneath the piles of dirty diapers and baby-dolls. Tap into your wants and needs and find ways to go after them. You matter. Your happiness matters. And, ultimately, you will be a much happier parent and person if you make time to prioritize yourself and what you want to achieve.

Goals for your Children

What kind of children do you want to raise? What values do you want to instill in them? Having a goal for the type of children you want to raise can help you create a map for how to get there. If you want your child to value hard work, give them opportunities to practice that and explain to them why it's important. If you want your child to be kind and speak kindly to his/her friends, reevaluate the way you speak to your child (even when you're angry) and then make the adjustments.

A Sense of Humor

Because at the end of the day, sometimes the best thing to do is to forget about the laundry that needs folding and the brownie batter smeared on every surface in your kitchen, and just laugh.