What Can You Do When Your Partner Controls What You Eat

My friend loves to eat meat. Every Wednesday we used to go after work to get some smoky barbeque ribs. It was our thing.

Last summer I introduced him to a girl who was back then my neighbour. They fell in love — I was so happy for them. He finally found the love of his life.

Unfortunately soon it turned out that the girl is very controlling. She got pregnant soon after they started dating, even though she told him she was on pills.

“But perhaps I missed out on a few…”

Anyway, my friend would never run away from the responsibilities. He is a fixer and a doer — so he stood by her side and married her. He has strong feelings for her. Trust me, the girl is very charming.

But she is also over-controlling and obsessive.

You see, she is a vegan and she despises people who eat meat or fish. She openly speaks about it. During her pregnancy she made my friend become a vegan too.

To avoid conflict he obliged. He was suffering through. He started telling that he was having these vivid dreams where was eating pork ribs, steaks, chicken wings and all these dreams ended up with his wife finding out and stabbing him. It was torture.

He tried to compromise with her and “ask permission” to eat meat from time to time. She got upset with him and threw a tantrum.

“How could you eat those poor animals? Why would you even do that?! Is it because of me?! I am sure it is! You just hate my soups!”

My friend lost a lot of weight. Seriously he looks unhealthy. He is living on plants and cheese.

I have nothing against veganism — but I am against abuse.

Just recently he also found out through her mother that his wife was actually bulimic and ended up in the psychiatric hospital and that’s what led her to veganism. By being vegan she believed she would stay slim forever.

Seems to me that she may be projecting her own toxic relationship with food onto him? What if perhaps she too craves some IKEA meatballs?

Anyway as time went on, my friend gave in to his cravings and started eating meat in secret. He would order in a takeaway in the office, or he would come by my place to have some grilled salmon and he would go on frequent visits to his mum to eat beef lasagna.

And that’s how he became very dishonest with her.

“Food policing” is another form of emotional and psychological abuse.

People who try to control you are saying, “You are not okay with me as you are. You need to change so I’ll like you better. And here is what you should do. ”

She knew too well that he was eating meat before she got pregnant — so she should have been accepting of him. Unfortunately, she chose to wait and entrap him, marry him, have a child with him and then change him to her liking.

There’s a blurry line between attentiveness and control. She is not being attentive to his “needs” — she wishes to control what and when he eats. A “food police” partner will prevent you from living your life as you typically would.

They might do something like this:

Tell you what you should eat;

Keep track of your weight;

Control the grocery shopping list;

Check frequently what’s in the fridge;

Supervise what you buy at the grocery store;

Ban you from buying certain foods.

What can you do when someone you love is controlling what you eat?

Stand up for yourself. Face your differences, explain to your spouse that you have differences in regards to food preferences. Food is more just a preference, quite often it is connected to the way you were raised, your beliefs and your family.

Don’t let the controlling partner strip you away from these important aspects of your personality. Communication is the key in the relationship. The less you communicate your needs and wishes the more distance you create between you and your partner.

Always remember — you come first. Just because you are married now should not mean that you aren’t allowed to go out and eat out your preferred choice of meals. If your spouse doesn’t approve — be it, you haven’t married your mother, have you?

You married a partner with whom you should be able to share your differences and preferences.

If your partner prefers healthier eating habits — okay, but if you crave fast food then that should be okay too.

Compromise is a foundation of a healthy relationship.

Neither spouse should completely change their diets, but both should be willing to compromise from time to time. If you’re a meat-eater married to a vegan, go meat-free once a week, and try to cook recipes that can be made both vegan and non-vegan for, instead of going full vegan when you don’t want to.

Food policing is a symptom of emotional and psychological abuse and it will ultimately ruin relationships.

Accept your mate for who he truly is. Food preferences should not get in between you.

Being a food cop will kill your partner's appetite for you.

Thank you for reading.

This article was originally published here.