Treat Your Children With Care: They Are Made Of Dreams
What if experience shows that the secrets to raising a healthy and happy child are hidden behind simplicity? Sometimes small daily actions and practices are enough to make the role of the parents lighter and more enjoyable and to guarantee the child the growth and attention it deserves. With these tips you will learn how to treat your children with greater care, as they are made of dreams.
Watch and Listen to Them
The eyes are the mirror of the soul and looking at the child avoiding superficiality allows them to feel loved, welcome, to feel that they exist and that they exist for the love of mom and dad, the true motor and the food they want.
- Look them in the eye when you address them.
- Get down to their height whenever possible when you want to say something to them.
- Ask them often how they feel: they will feel listened to and, in turn, they will learn to observe their feelings and emotions.
- For example, when they come home from school or kindergarten, avoid asking "How did it go?" and instead asks "How do you feel? How did you go to school this morning?"
Always Remember That They Are Not an Adult
How many times have we heard "You're a little man now," "Don't cry like a girl!"? Aimed at three to four year old children. It is important that children can live their childhood to the full: play, play and play, be loved, served, helped, pampered, supported.
How many adults know that they are not emotionally autonomous, that they fill the emotional gaps with food or tobacco, that they need to feel continuously recognized from outside?
How to apply this advice in practice? Here are two important tips:
Avoid the "forced" imposition of rules: the child learns by example and imitation. The imposed rules project they early in an adult mode not suitable for their age. For example, if you want them to brush their teeth before going to bed, take them by the hand, go to the bathroom and start brushing your teeth yourself, giving them a chance to see you and imitate you.
If you want them to learn or collaborate, you should always involve them through play. For example, cleaning the bedroom can become the game of pirates cleaning the boat and then you'll be the captain and so on. You'll see that the next day they will ask you, "When are we going to clean the room again?"
Make Them Live a Harmonious Daily Rhythm
For the child, routine and small daily rituals are fundamental because they provide security, guide them even when they do not yet have the notion of time, and give them a sensation of limit within which they can move with serenity. To achieve this harmony you can:
- Make the activities carried out at certain times of the day as similar as possible from one day to the next.
- Avoid changing seats at the table or eating once at the table, then occasionally on the sofa, etc.
- Create a good night ritual and a good day ritual that will accompany your child gently to sleep or to resume the day.
- Avoid games that are very lively at night in favor of silence, soft lighting and quiet readings or games that do not energetically charge the child but encourage calm and transition to sleep.
Do Everything to be Calm and Happy
The child learns by imitation and absorbs everything from the environment without the possibility of filtering.
Having a good example to follow avoids having to spend time and effort with an old educational method of impositions, repetitions, rewards and punishments.
Take a little space to recharge yourself with the things you like to do: we also have an inner child who asks for our attention.
If you are someone who finds it hard to be at peace and feel happy, resolve your conflicts with the past and the grudges you have with others and with yourself: very often when we get angry with our children, the real motivation hides behind our frustration and not in what they may have done.
Avoid Comparing Your Child to Others
The child is born with extreme confidence in life and its possibilities, only sometimes the adult, without knowing it, undermines this security from an early age, for example, when we compare them with others (the child believes that we prefer others and begins to lose confidence).
These are the fundamentals you need to know to preserve your child's trust:
- Comparisons demoralize them and make them feel incapable and inferior: each child is unique with their talents and weaknesses. Tell them to look at who we think did the best things that they did do nothing but discourage them and lead to nothing.
- Judgment diminishes them: they are perfect as they are. If they "did something wrong" with something, it's probably because they lacked some information about it, either because they didn't do it on purpose or because they was tired or perhaps distracted.
Be abundant in telling them how much you love them and how wonderful they always are.
Keep Their Innate Self-Esteem High
Accepting children and young people for what they are is the principle so that they always feel safe, strong and capable. Let them experiment and learn through play, avoiding being too close to them with rational explanations of why or for what.
For example, if your child wants to touch the pot on the stove, it's useless to tell and explain, perhaps even sketching a theory about heat. If they feel the need to do so, they will try to satisfy that need anyway.
So what can you do? Let them experience (which does not mean getting out of the kitchen and letting them burn). You can tell them with love that they can touch the pot but with care because it will burn (while it is being heated in the fire and it is not yet hot).
This will activate your defensive resources, you will feel the heat beforehand and you will move forward calmly, but in the meantime, you will have managed to try it, respond to your curiosity and verify it in practice.
Give Them Quality Time
It is better to spend two hours with our children in full presence and total dedication than an entire day of boredom and frustration. You can start by taking an hour in which you feel that you can be with them and without thinking about anything else, just stay with them, enjoy their games, listen to them, have fun with them, these moments will remain forever in their memory and yours.
If you have things to do and also have to take care of the child, do your best to involve them in a fun way. Don't give them the opportunity to think that the load of the washing machine or the dinner to be prepared are more important than they are: talk to them or involve them, always making them feel first.
Pay Attention to Their Fears
Whether it's a child or an adolescent, you don't yet have the inner maturity to deal independently with what scares you.
Ridiculing or mocking them when they are worried about something or are afraid does not help the child transcend their fears. Make sure no one ridicule them.
And finally, resolve their fears by showing them how to do it through an example of neutrality, lucidity and security: they will have a lot of confidence and respect for you and will have the tools to complete their emotional maturity in order to be autonomous once they become an adult.