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to the sister, I never knew

I wish it was different

By Jazzy Published 3 years ago 3 min read
Runner-Up in The Dragon Beside Me Challenge
14
My sister and I meeting for the first time after fifteen years.

Dear sister,

I wanted to start this letter with, I’m sorry. I was always so upset that our mom left me and chose you. I know now that I was the one who had a better life because of it. Our mom did drugs, and if it wasn’t more my dad I would have maybe fallen into the same fate. I know that you were shuttled around to other homes. Oftentimes with family, but other times with people you didn’t know well. I can’t imagine the life you lived having to live with her again, finding her oftentimes with a needle in her arm. Sister, I am so sorry that I always was jealous of you. I was jealous our mother was in your life and not mine. I was jealous our mother never remembered my birthday, or even who I was at times. I always thought you got the mom I imagined I wanted. I know now that you didn’t have a mother either. In fact, you got the worst part of our mother. A mother who judged you, and also abandoned you more times than you can count.

I remember when I found out I was having a child, I was scared. I never had a mother, how could I be a mother. Since talking to you, you don’t want to be a mother because of the mother you knew. You’re scared of addiction, it being in our blood. You’re scared of the life that she leads, taking advantage of men and drugs. Do you remember when she told us she had cancer and was dying? I remember being relieved. Then she didn’t die and we realized it was another lie. How many times could we be lied to, before we stopped believing her?

I know now the effects this woman had on you. I only wish maybe I could have done for you, the way my dad was able to do for me. I wish that your life hadn’t been a constant struggle. I am so glad you found a boyfriend who understands you and can help you through the issues inflicted on you. I am so glad that we finally started talking to each other now that we are grown. I am so glad to get to know you. Now you’re visiting me, and every time I look at you I see all the best parts of our mom. I see that we have the same hair, the same eyes, nose, and laugh. I see that throughout the years that you felt so alone and are so happy to have a sister now. I wish I could have been that sister for you much earlier.

I see how gently your boyfriend talks to you, how he is soft and kind. I see how excited you are to tell your stepdad that we are friends now. I see how you hid your smile because our mom told you it was crooked. I see the way you cover yourself because you were told you weren’t pretty or even told you weren’t enough. I see you beating the odds and going to school for your degree. I see you attempting to be an aunt to my child even though the prospect of children freaks you out. I see how small you are, and I wonder how our mother could have left you alone like that.

I look at my child and I know I could never abandon her the way our mother left us. I see the way you extend grace to our mother in a way I never could. I realize how much I can learn from you. I want to cry knowing what you’ve been through. I want to scream and yell at the injustice of your world and experiences. I look at you and I see a stronger person than I have ever had to be. I hug your boyfriend and want to thank him with every fiber of my being for taking you in. I love you, my dear sister. I am so glad that we have found each other again.

siblings
14

About the Creator

Jazzy

Follow on IG @booksbyjaz

Head of the Jazzy Writers Association (JWA) in partnership with the Vocal HWA chapter.

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Comments (12)

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  • Hannah Moore4 days ago

    Just wow.

  • Leslie Writes6 days ago

    Congratulations, Jazzy! This is a beautiful piece 💖

  • Nicely written and so emotional. Congratulations on your runner up win.

  • Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • Babs Iverson7 days ago

    Heartfelt emotional & motivating story!!! Bravo!!!❤️❤️💕

  • Cathy holmes7 days ago

    This is beautifully written. Congrats

  • Dana Crandell7 days ago

    Congratulations, Jazzy!

  • Judey Kalchik 8 days ago

    This is how i know it is love: 'every time I look at you I see all the best parts ". The best parts of your mom.. but also just, the best parts. Great story and two shining faces filled with joy.

  • Poppy 9 days ago

    This is beautiful Jazzy. Such a tragic but inspiring story. So glad you are close again. Also I can't figure out which one in the picture is you!

  • Hayley Matto11 days ago

    Incredibly touching piece!! Thank you for sharing this with us!! 💗 So glad you both have one another now. The pic of you both is so sweet. Hoping for all the healing to you both!! 💕

  • River Joy13 days ago

    Wow jazzy this is beautiful and heartbreaking and healing

  • Such a heart felt pice and am so glad you get the begin to know each other and have the rest of yur lives to learn from each other. [pgnantly and beautifully written 🤍

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