To My Sister

I’m not even sure how to start this off so please bare with me on this.

When we were younger I thought you were the best ever, we were almost inseparable probably because I was your little shadow. What I do remember is us always getting into trouble together like the time you put these huge green burs in my hair pretending to give me a perm, or the time we somehow locked ourselves in the bedroom and instead of just unlocking the door, mom had to take the door off the frame because we were FREAKING OUT! I’m always thinking of these memories and laughing about them, and telling the girls the silly things we used to do, they remind me a lot of how you and I were.

One of the hardest memories I have is when you left. Mom promised you were just going to visit your grandparents for the weekend, that weekend then turned into months and before I knew it we were moving out of state. When you left I dealt with mom and my dad arguing and fighting, my 5 year old self heard and experienced things that a typical 5 year old shouldn’t . I was so lost, you were my best friend... my only friend actually.

I remember us visiting you every so often and you even got to come to my house one time. Remember when we both desperately wanted one of those rugrats watches that McDonald’s was selling? I feel like we went to a million McDonald’s looking for those stupid things until we found one! As we were taking you home I fell asleep and put my happy meal behind my pillow, I guess to save for later.. you asked me if I wanted your left overs too and I said yes so you shoved it behind my pillow LOL little do you know I hung onto your happy meal bag until mom tossed it out. In my head that’s all I had left of you yet again.

I never fully understood exactly what happened and why our family broke up until later in life.

Just know I didn’t have the most perfect life either, you see mom up and left without saying goodbye, I was at grandmas and came home on Father’s Day to a half empty house, I remember calling her and begging her to just come home and she just said “she couldn’t because she was sick.” I remember for weeks on end My stomach being in knots, refusing to eat. Shortly after that My grandparents stepped up and helped take care of me because of my dads long hours at work. I remember a time where we didn’t have much food in the kitchen, I remember not having many gifts under the Christmas tree, I remember hearing my dad sobbing in the living room at night reading the note mom left behind. I remember it ALL. Sometimes those memories haunt me.

As a teenager I started self harming and had several suicide attempts, I carried this deep pain and I didn’t know how to cope with it which then leaded to hospital stays, after ALOT of hard work I was able to learn a few coping skills

As years passed you and I grew apart, even though we were legally sisters we didn’t know each other anymore. I said things to you that I regret, and was labeled by many as a screw up back then I honestly didn’t care.

Thankfully I eventually grew up, we haven’t really spoken to each other in years and I hope everyday that someday that can change.

Regardless of what you think of me I still love you, I still tell my children about you, they love hearing stories and make me tell them over and over

I really just want to say I’m sorry for whatever I have said/and or done to you.

I think of you often and hope nothing but the best for you, you truly deserve it!

Even after all the hardships I had to experience in life I still have a forgiving heart “Forgive but never forget” it took me years to accomplish this, I had so much hate for so many people that it tore me down, eventually I realized that it’s easier to forgive someone than to carry it around with me.

With all of this being said I really hope that someday you will actually take the time to read this.

Love always, Your Little Sister

Ps: “I just wanna see your eyes” (inside joke)