The Virtuous - The Standard of A Good Pupil

The Virtuous is inspired by my mum and other inspiring women also play their part in the film’s development.

At different moments in life certain people impact on one’s life and become important, and equally one is never fully aware how important others are until much later, including perhaps members of one’s own family. To some people promises are made, confidences and dreams are shared and both good and bad times had. With others’ perhaps battles have been fought. There are a few relationships in which something unique has transpired and a bond has been cemented, where two become one. We all experience many encounters and the world continues on its course, but the one thing that for me that has remained constant, though I didn’t always know or appreciate it, is the unconditional love I have from my mother.

I am from a traditional Chinese family. I moved with my family to Hong Kong when I was eleven. Being one of four siblings proved financially challenging for my parents. But they worked hard to support us. My father was a factory worker and self-disciplined, but it was my mother who took on three jobs, working seven days a week in one of the busiest cities in the world who proved the real driving force and beating heart of the family. When we were at primary school, I remember with shame, that my siblings and I did not want friends to know about how our mother earned her living. She did a great deal of casual work. Waitressing, bar work, cleaning and housekeeping. Much of the time she would return home in the early hours of the morning. We tried never to talk about her. She spent very little on herself and dressed plainly. My parents lived frugally. On one occasion after she had picked us up from school, I ran through the streets to get away from her and when she finally caught up, she said, ‘are you so embarrassed by me’. I shouted ‘yes’, turned my back on her and continued along the street without her. I can only imagine how heartbroken she must have felt by my words and actions. We were never able as school children to enjoy some of the benefits other pupils enjoyed. There was no money for extra-curricular classes as my parents couldn’t afford the outlay. And so, we envied what our classmates could do. In Chinese culture parents expect their eldest child to look out for the younger siblings and as the ‘big’ sister I was continually stressed out and anxious about this responsibility. If they played up in class, it was me the teacher reproached.

When I got to attend my secondary school, my priority was making friends and spending time with them. We founded a group called Arcadia and we became the Arcadians. We wanted to create a beautiful pocket of existence for ourselves, where friendship and loyalty reigned supreme. There were eight core members, with ten other more casual members. We wanted to be feminists and I as the leader of the fraternity organised activities and silly games. We performed in singing competitions and created original dance moves to Taiwanese pop songs that we would rewrite to suit our desires. We were crazy about Taiwanese celebrities, especially those in leading romantic dramas and collected lots of posters of our favourite performers. Each year when Halloween came around, we created lavish costumes and paraded as though we were performers on a stage. And of course, we continued our school studies and helped each other achieve good grades. We expressed our commitment to one another in written cards which stated, ‘Friends Forever’. It was our promise to each other. But, after the final school exam was over everyone went their separate ways, and something changed. We were becoming young adults and all those commitments and promises we had made as an innocent fraternity seemed to be forgotten, but for me they were still moments and experiences to be cherished. Does anything last forever?

When I was in my early twenties, and soon after finishing my studies at University, my ambitions and goals took a knock as some projects I wanted to fulfil failed. I started to question my capabilities and direction in life. My self-worth took a tumble. It was the cause of much upset and prevented me leaving my family home for six months. I stopped communicating with the outside world. It was then my mother found me sobbing quietly in bed, cuddled and comforted me. This is not the usual way an Asian mother would act in relation to her daughter. She told me no matter what happens in the future I will never be alone, for she will always be with me. It gave me the strength and support I needed to get back on my feet again. It convinced me that a mother’s love could be unconditional. It was the bond I had failed to connect with as a child. After this experience I never felt alone again.

I started to realise what a hard life my mother had led and what sacrifices she had made for the sake her family and for me. Yet, she remained positive. I remember the arguments with my father and how we, as somewhat selfish teenagers, didn’t want to know or care what hardships she was going through. I can recall her crying regularly, then wiping her tears, putting on a brave smile and then continuing with what needed to be done; going to work, washing, ironing or cleaning the house. Her goal was to maintain a roof over our head and protect us. She tried desperately hard to keep all the negativity away from us but at times it was impossible for it not to show. I eventually realised I too had to be strong, take control of my life and in so doing ease the pressure off my mum. I had to take control of my emotions and defeat my fears.

Hong Kong is an immensely impressive and charismatic city. It has an attractiveness and elegance. Of course, like all metropolises it has its less elegant side. I expressed my creativity by styling and experimenting with makeup looks on my younger sisters. Giving them new hairstyles and creating a homemade photoshoot. I studied Fashion Styling at the Hong Kong Design Institute. After graduating I started a fashion brand called Dynasti with a friend. With very limited resources we had to do most things ourselves: model, photoshoots, marketing and distribution. Over time we became knowledgeable and professional in each area. We promoted our brand on Instagram. We took our brand into the international business arena and connected with creatives worldwide. We travelled and broadened our horizons and by using the connections we made spread the concept of Dynasti’, a cutting edge fashion for young and individual personalities.

With all the hard work my mother had put in over the years and the steady work of my father, they were able to buy a small apartment in China. And so, we were able to use this new family property as our workshop without paying expensive rent in Hong Kong. Eventually, however, and with much sadness on my part, my business partner decided he wanted to leave the brand and do something else. Life had become hectic and the business all-consuming. However, to this day we remain close friends and confidants to each other. I feel sure our paths will cross again and from it some form of creativity will flow.

Arriving into my late-twenties I took stock. I reflected on what had been, what I had achieved and what I wanted to become. What kind of person was I? I was unsure! I organised a big trip to Europe, travelling for four months throughout the continent. Seeking inspiration and meeting people. When I arrived in London, I cried. I couldn’t help but cry for it was my dream to travel to this great city of culture and history. What one realises, perhaps after a time, is that it doesn’t matter where one is but what one feels inside. A sense of self-worth.

To express the difference between now and the past - my mother’s younger days and Hong Kong society, I feel I need to set the scene. Back in the days before I was born in mainland China, all young women who lived and worked in villages wanted to marry men from towns or cities to gain citizenship. My mother married my father, who had a plot of land in Shenzhen She married young and was twenty when I was born. Within ten years she gave birth to two more daughters and my brother. In order that our lives would improve we moved to Hong Kong when I was eleven. Living and working in this new city as an immigrant was not easy. It was very unsettling at first. My parents fought over many things and the financial stresses were many. Our education suffered. I remember in order to try and better our situation she would work during Chinese New Year and took no holidays for twenty years. The amount of time she spent working took her away from us, and we lost a vital connection and inevitably a natural distance grew between us. As our father didn’t really feel this void, we began making decisions for ourselves. Hurtful things were said by us directed at our mother. I told her I wished she wasn’t our mother. And this was said while she was going through a difficult pregnancy with my sister. We were both tearful.

I now realise I have much to be thankful for. I had security, a place to live. I had the cushion of family life, food on the table and wasn’t alone in the world or without friends. And subsequently, I have travelled widely, experiencing different culture, different attitudes to life, meeting amazing people and listening to their own varied and sometimes fascinating stories. All this leads me back to that one crucial and motivated person in my life, my mum. Her sacrifices, selflessness, spirit and energy never faltered, and when she was down would pick herself up, smile and get on with things. She is by far the most positive and the strongest women in my life and an inspiration. When she did ease up a little with her many jobs, she was able to give more of herself to us, to family life and to the husband, the only man in her life who she remains committed too. For her, marriage is for life and a serious commitment. You take the rough with the smooth. Her loyalty is total. My mother and father’s commitment to each other is now beginning to pay off and their life has become easier and more rewarding.

For me now, the greatest thing I know, wherever I am in the world and whatever temporary living arrangements I have and whoever I meet, I know there is always a place for me and a person who I love and who loves me – my mother and my home in Hong Kong. Through loving my mother and being loved I have begun to understand and love myself.

With this personal history and such thoughts in mind, I have been producing and directing an independent film about self-love and feminism called ‘Standard of a Good Pupil’. It is also inspired by the teachings of Confucius. Coming of age in Hong Kong, I find myself questioning who I am in a city that is itself, grappling with its own identity and wishes. I am expected to be an obedient traditional girl in the traditional Chinese patriarchy and yet at the same time I want to be a successful career woman in a vibrant modern capitalist society. I continue to navigate these difficult waters and expectations. Many young people in society are experiencing and suffering in a similar vein. Hopefully, my story and film transcends that of the individual and instead offers up something more universal - a communal narrative, a collective of people and their experiences through a series of emotional vignettes that together forms one of the voices of China’s youth culture.

Trailer of <<Standard of A Good Pupil >>

My film explores a city of unlimited desires in which a struggle for self-identity is waged. Navigating vices and societal pressures, euphoric highs and deep lows are traversed in an attempt to find a sense of belonging. With little guidance in our fast-changing world, we look back, to the distant past and seek new discoveries in the rich teachings of Confucius and ‘Standard of a Good Pupil’, by LiYuxiu. Recontextualized with a feminist twist, a new symbolic path to self-fulfilment has been added. The Chinese youth portrayed use the symbolic text of Confucius as a teaching guide for their quest for love, freedom, and empowerment. In this, the value of individuality is discovered, presented and respected

My film has thirty plus Chinese females younger than thirty years of age in which I showcased many similarities. The film was shot in over twenty locations in Hong Kong, Shanghai and Shenzhen. And hopefully demonstrates a genuine search and realisation of young contemporary Chinese culture.

There are eleven Chapters. Chapter 10: The Virtuous, is inspired by my mum and other inspiring women also play their part in the film’s development. And each and every one of them exemplify the very best quality of what it means to be a good human being and a woman of substance. We are who we are through nurturing and life experiences. I would hope my film can encourage and contribute in some small measure to a viewer’s sense of pride and self-worth and bring a general lift to their well-being and dreams. Guidance and support are critical for the young and inspiration and encouragement paramount for the spirit. I know that my mum, my parents, are not concerned for me to have a fancy home or monetary gain but want for me instead to have the simple things in life, happiness, freedom and good health, three things that more than ever seem important to cherish and not to take for granted at all.