The Sudden Death of a Parent

All around us, life and death exist. Sometimes we know when it will happen, while other times it's a complete surprise. It's estimated that 250 babies are born each minute. It comes as no surprise that life and death are inevitable, so long as women are still able to reproduce and men are able to stay just as fertile. The circle of life is truly what it's all about. We are born, we live, we die. Our time spent on Earth varies per person. Some only live a few moments, too weak to survive, while others live to be over 100 years of age, surviving wars, famine, and disease.

As modern medicine improves, the life expectancy of human beings rises. Natural disasters, disease, and accidents kill hundreds of thousands every year. Sometimes the healthiest person you know gets cancer or someone you didn't know was sick, dies of heart failure. Losing a loved one is hardly ever easy. The memories you shared with that person stay with you. There are times when it seems like you see them everywhere. If you believe in ghosts or spirits, in some ways, they are always with you. If you believe in an afterlife, they are looking down or watching over you as you continue through life.

What's more, you learn a lot about yourself when a parent passes; what you now have to go without, their voice, their knowledge and wisdom, the ability to call out to them for help, to ask them questions about where our ancestors come from and why we are the way we are. You learn that you have coping mechanisms, healthy or not, to dealing with the loss of them. You learn how to communicate differently and with people you may not have communicated with in the past. Relationships get strained in this process. You may even lose connection with people during this time. We all grieve differently. You might cry a lot, become clinically depressed, you may drink yourself to a point of not even recognizing childhood friends, you may drift apart from other family members, or start fights over childish things.

When it's known someone is sick, there is a plan. You can consult doctors or healers, find medicine if their is the possibility of a cure. You can choose not to take treatment at all and let your body progress or regress as it chooses. When you don't know you're sick or that a loved one is sick, there is no plan. You experience everything as it comes. There is always the possibility for a last will and testament to have been made in either scenario. At the end of it all, you are left to figure out where life goes from here for you. You are faced with a lot of questions, no one in particular really asks you, like:

Do you sell their things or keep them? Do you keep their business running or let it die or trust that maybe they left that task to someone else? How long can you mourn for? At what point do you have to move on? Are my peers going to judge me? Do you care how people look at you after your grieving period is over? How do you keep moving forward? Do you keep moving forward? How will your life be different now that this person is no longer with you?

The important thing to remember, even if you think it's your fault, human beings are put on this earth to live and die. We experience life and make up the rules as we go. We constantly have teachers, friends, enemies, bullies, neighbors, elders, all telling us what the right and/or wrong thing is to do. You will make mistakes and you have to learn that you can't please everyone. You will always have at least one person telling you that you are wrong! Do your best, if you feel you need to honor that person, honor them. If you could care less and your life is no different with or without them, that's okay too. We make our impact on our friends and family and hope at the end of the day that something mattered and that's really all we can do.