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The Road To Growing Up.

Drugs, Sex & other pitfalls along the way.

By ROSLYN WILLIAMSPublished 3 years ago 26 min read
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The Road To Growing Up.
Photo by Jaromír Kavan on Unsplash

The Road To Growing Up.

No Band-Aids Please.

You do not have to search far in popular media today to see that young people are searching for meaning in their lives. Just click through some web pages, flip through a newspaper and a magazine or two and you will see:

15 year old dies at rave party.

Ecstasy abuse on the increase.

Police bust drug ring.

Amphetamines found on 12-year-old dealer.

Addicted at 13, dead at 16.

Parent’s sorrow: our babies are dying by choice.

Life is eluding the younger generation and often drugs become an avenue to find meaning in the maze of growing up. The irony is that drugs do not give life and do not add depth to your existence. Instead, it depletes the life that you have left. If you choose to travel the path of addiction, you sell your soul for a hit when abundant life comes for FREE!

It is not unusual or wrong to have deep and painful questions about life. Often these questions are caused by deep wounds inflicted while growing up. If you choose to use drugs to drown the voice of your existential questions or to numb the pain of your past, it is like using a band aid on a festering raw wound. The wound will only become more putrid. Drug abuse loves the company of other vices that will further infect your soul: alcohol abuse, depression, suicide, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse. If you continue down the path of drug addiction, you are sure to become intimately acquainted with one or more of these evils.

Instead, you need to clean out the raw wound, voice your questions, seek healing for your pain and take responsibility for your choices. It is entirely possible to replace the questions and hurt with love and understanding and to live running free in a life of joy. Living in an abundant life of joy where the drugs and the pitiful life that it brings will never overshadow you again.

It does not matter in life whether you were brought up in a good or a bad home. What really matters is your choices in life. A person from a good home can choose drugs and blame it on overprotective parents. A person from difficult circumstances can choose not to do drugs and keep motivating himself to keep going on this path because he is determined to have a different life than his parents.

Each person will be faced with the choice of using drugs or not at one stage in his life. There are only two choices – to do drugs and set yourself on a path to destruction or to refrain and find meaning and acceptance in another place. The choice is yours! If you choose to set yourself on the path to addiction, it is you who take that first step. The choice is entirely your responsibility.

Do you know what the blame game is? The blame game is where you make poor decisions in life and blame it on other people. If you choose to use drugs and say: ‘I, do it because my Father was an alcoholic and beat the hell out of me every week,’ you are playing the blame game and need to take responsibility for your choices. What matters is not what happened to you, but your reaction to it. This will determine your happiness in life.

Here is a quick checklist to see if you are playing the blame game:

1. Do you frequently say ‘Yes, but…’ when you are confronted with your own bad behaviour?

2. Do you think that your parents/friends/boyfriend/partner girlfriend/siblings/work mates /abusers/bullies caused you to make poor choices?

3. Do you view yourself as a victim of your circumstances?

4. Do you feel that you had no choice in becoming involved in a certain relationship/action/behaviour pattern?

5. Do often have conversations in your head where you are busy defending your actions?

If you answered ‘Yes’ to more than two of the questions you are playing the blame game.

You are always the loser in the blame game – you cannot win! You need to take responsibility for your own decisions and choose the path you want your life to take. If you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, you are swimming the wrong way. It is time to take stock of your life and ask yourself some questions:

• How did I get to this point?

• Why am I where I am?

• What specific decisions did I make to get into this situation?

• Do I still want to live like this in five year’s time?

• Is there a U-turn bay somewhere, where I can make a turn around?

• Is there someone I can ask to help me out of this mess?

• What specific choices can I make now to get out of a bad situation?

Let us look at where the choice to do drugs will take you (it does not have to be just drugs, we can substitute the drugs with any other issue such as alcohol, excessive shopping, gambling, over-eating, stealing, smoking etc.). Addiction to any of these excessive habits means that you become the slave of the drug or habit that you choose. Addiction means that you will offer up anything (money, relationships, possessions, dignity, and family) to fulfill your compulsion to get high on or to suppress your emotions. You will be a shell of your former self, always scheming and planning how and when to get your next fix.

Slowly control over your life will slip from your hands and you will be ruled by a powdery white substance or brightly coloured pill and those that supply it to you. It is a road that leads to self destruction and death – emotional, spiritual, and physical death.

It is so easy to lie to yourself and say: ‘Come on! This will not happen to me! I am just experimenting a little. Having a little fun. No harm in that! I’m strong, I can handle it.’ Do not be fooled – even a little is enough to get you addicted. Experimenting with drugs is a slippery slope where every step could be your last one. Do yourself a favour and say no from the start.

You do not have to look far to see stories of young people whose lives were destroyed by a little ‘innocent experimentation.’ Some are dead and some are scarred forever by their choices. No one is unaffected. Drugs destroy your physical health and leave you weak and vulnerable to all kinds of infections. It will alienate you from your family and friends and make you walk roads that you have vowed never to take. You may even steal from those you love, just to get your next fix. Drug addiction will isolate you and when you are totally alone and vulnerable it will narrow down and kill you. Those who loved you and tried to help you will be left with a gaping hole of regret and sorrow because of YOUR choices. No one deserves to be left behind on earth with baggage created by someone else’s irresponsibility.

Do you know what the definition of responsibility is?

In his book, The Shack, William P. Young says that responsibility is not a heavy cloak of ‘must do’s that you have to wear every day to make good choices. Instead, responsibility is the soul given ability to respond. It means that each person has a freedom of choice and to be responsible means that you use your ability to respond to life events in a way that does yourself and the people around you good and not bad. When faced with the choice whether to do drugs or not – use your ability to respond in a way that will lead to life, not death.

The Purity Ring Story for an Example

Dianne could not sleep. She bunched the pillows behind her back, sat up and looked at the ring on her bedside table. It has been lying there the whole night – a silent witness to her guilt. It was meant as a symbol of how pure she is and a reminder to stay that way, but instead it feels as if the ring is alive and putting her on trial.

Two nights ago, she lost her virginity on a secluded spot on the beach and on the morning after her mum and dad came into her room, all loving and serious and gave this ring to her as a sixteenth birthday present. A purity ring for her? The irony was not lost on her. Weren’t they just always one step behind her – viewing her as their little girl – while she had dreams, they had no clue of ?

The ring burned her hand as she picked it up. She turned it over and read the inscription – To Dianne: Remain just as precious as you are. She shoved the ring under the bedcovers, suddenly nauseous. What do they really know about her? She rested her head on the pillows behind her back and closed her eyes. A new life has started for her the moment she yielded to Tony’s insistent touch. A life where who she was and who she is, does not fit into the same mould anymore.

The ring continued to tingle in her hand. She took it out and looked at the stone set in gold. She does not fit into the setting made for her anymore. She placed the ring back on the bedside table, but it was hard to ignore. Would they ever understand that she had to do this for herself? That she needed to be with Tony in that way too? It was her choice, wasn’t it? She covered her face with her hands, not being able to bear the sight of the ring any longer.

Finally, she took the box it came in, placed it in the velvet pocket and stared at it. ‘I won’t let you make me feel guilty any longer! I just had one of the most awesome experiences of my life and you came to spoil it all.’ She clenched the box in her fist pushed it into her sock drawer as far back as she could.

Let us play a game of Truth or Dare.

Do you often feel as if you do not fit in? As if there is nowhere to go where you can be truly yourself and still be accepted? Do you choose to do things because you think that in doing them, you will be loved and admired? If you can identify with this then you are adding your experience to what millions of other young people feel every day – an urge to be loved, accepted, and fit into a group.

Why are these feelings so powerful? Why can it compel you to do things regularly that you do not even really enjoy? It is because the need to be needed and loved is one of the most powerful primal urges in human beings. It is not wrong to want to be popular, it is wrong to not to be true to yourself to win other people’s approval.

Let us play a little ‘Truth or Dare’ to show you where choosing what you think will win other people’s admiration will take you. Here are common scenarios that you will most likely face sooner or later in your social group:

Truth or Dare 1.

The group dare says: ‘I dare you to have sex with your boyfriend tonight. You are the only virgin around here. Come on! Live a little. Don’t you love him?’

The truth says: It use to be said & believed that there is no fulfillment in sex outside of marriage. These days a sexual relationship is viewed as a necessary component of every relationship whether it be for a week or a year or two. My point here is that you do not have to have sex because others expect you to. By giving in when you are not ready or as a dare only creates a dependency on your boyfriend and leads you on a road where you will do more and more to win their love, boyfriend after boyfriend. Do you have respect for yourself & your body? When you have lost respect it is difficult to get it back. What if he is not committed to you & just doing what society says is the norm for a guy, – every act of intimacy could be your last one. Having sex with your boyfriend or someone else will not fill that gaping hole inside you – it will only enlarge it. Sex is not the answer to your soul or the longing desire to loved & accepted. If you can hang onto your value & worth & be intimate & loving with that one special person, then do so, in this day & age of disease & STI’s it is probably a good decision.

Truth or Dare 2.

The group dare says: ‘I dare you to scare that stupid new guy into submission. Don’t let him get to you – instead, get to him!’

The truth says: Bullies reveal much more of their own inner world through their behaviour than they realize. They show that they are basically insecure, fearful human beings who fear anything new. Bullying damages, the bully as much as it does the victim.

Truth or Dare 3.

The group dare says: ‘I dare you to take that lipstick you like so much. Just slip it up your sleeve and nobody will notice. We all do it. Take what you want, why pay?’

The truth says: Whether you steal for fun or for necessity it remains a crime. One that will make you feel worse about yourself than ever. When you were a little girl, did you ever imagine yourself handcuffed and banned from a cosmetics shop? Probably not! The way to remain true to your dreams is to see dares for what they really are: attempts of insecure people to make you choose what they did so they can feel better about their own choices. Do not go down that road – you will lose all your self-respect.

Truth or dare 4.

The group dare says: ‘Why listen to your parents? They date out of the ark! They don’t really care about your life; they just care about their precious reputation!’

The truth says: Your parents are flawed human beings who are trying to navigate the waters of life just as much as you are. They may want you to think that they have it all together, but the truth is that they often have doubts and feelings of insecurity too! What they do have that you do not is life experience. They have been down a few roads that they know is not worth going down and will not like to see you make the same mistakes. Life might have been difficult for you and you did not always experience your parent’s actions as loving, but most parents love their children and truly have their best interests at heart. They might just not know how to show it in a way that you can understand it.

Did you know that you were not made to fit in, but to stand out? There is no one on earth with your unique characteristics. Do not try to hide it, learn to celebrate your uniqueness. Embrace who you are and live boldly. If you find your identity in what the group does instead of in who you are, you will be searching for your true self your whole life long, because every new group or situation will want to redefine who you are. Focus on BEING and let the DOING flow out of who you truly are, not out of what the group dictates.

Do You Believe in Fairy Tales?

‘Once upon a time there was a girl called Princess Sugar Pie who believed that life would treat her fairly. That her parents would always be kind and understanding, that she would meet Prince Charming, fall in love, and live happily ever after. In her mind she was cushioned from the blows of life and looked forward to seeing what the next bend in the road would bring to her.

One day Princess Sugar Pie got up and her world fell apart piece by piece. The limb of a huge tree fell through her bedroom roof, her mother yelled at her and said that she was the most selfish little brat ever to disgrace the earth and her Prince Charming was seen necking another girl behind the school hall.

Little Princess Sugar Pie lost her sparkle. Her eyes dimmed and her shoulders drooped. In fact, she could not get herself going in the morning and ended up staring at her bedroom wall most of the day. Her dad rebuilt the roof, her mom apologized, Prince Charming repented and sang a serenade at her bedroom window but Little Princess Sugar Pie lost all lustre. Her mind was filled with thoughts of her own worthlessness and she wondered about the meaning of life. She was a shell of her former self. Nobody could bring her back.

Then one day, a bird hopped onto her windowsill and placed a little seed in front of her. ‘I brought you a gift.’ He spoke. ‘I don’t eat seeds,’ she mumbled and turned her head away. ‘It’s not for you to eat, Princess, it’s for you to remember,’ he nudged the seed towards her. ‘Remembering hurts!’ said the princess as she swallowed her tears. ‘Not that type of remember,’ said the bird looking at her. ‘This seed is to remind you that what you desire most in life is already yours. The seed of happiness is waiting in your heart to be watered with forgiveness, hope and love. The choice is yours!’

Can you identify with little princess sugar plum? Are you disillusioned by life and particularly by the people with whom you share your life? Have you been losing your lustre based on what happened to you? Do you find it difficult to hope for a better tomorrow than what your days are right now? If you have answered yes, to any of these questions then it is time to take a good look at the seed you have in your hand.

You are equipped with everything you need to make the right choices about yourself and your life. The seed in you hand is called ‘choice.’ You can choose your thoughts, which in turn will determine your words, which in turn will help determine your actions, which will form your life.

Most people go through periods of intense self doubt coupled with feelings of hopelessness. It is normal to dabble in dark thoughts when life gets tough. The art of a fulfilled and happy life is not to get stuck in the gutter of self despair. Occasionally a person’s inability to cope with life; may be caused by a chemical imbalance in the neurotransmitters of the brain, but in most cases bouts of depression can be overcome by putting some coping strategies into place.

1. Replace negative thoughts.

Here is a quick exercise to do: What do you see in your mind’s eye when you read the phrase: ‘Think of elephants.’ You see a group of elephants, don’t you? Now, what do you see when you read: ‘Don’t think of elephants anymore?’ You still think of elephants, don’t you? The key to transforming your thoughts about yourself and your situation is NOT to tell yourself to stop thinking negative thoughts but to instead replace them with positive thoughts.

Here is an example of a negative conversation between me and myself (me debating with my inner voice):

Me: Look what you have done now! You really do not have what it takes to keep that boyfriend.

Me: I guess it is true; I am not good enough for him.

Here is an example of a conversation where I am trying to get myself to think differently but failing:

Me: Look what you have done now! You really do not have what it takes to keep that boyfriend.

Me: I really should not berate myself by telling myself that I am not good enough. It does not work.

Here is an example of a conversation where I am succeeding in changing my thoughts about myself.

Me: Look what you have done now! You really do not have what it takes to keep that boyfriend.

Me: I can put boundaries in our relationship too. I will not respect myself if I say ‘yes.’ I can be firm about what I believe is right.

Changing a negative thought pattern takes time. Negative self-talk must be replaced with positive self talk over periods of weeks or months. It is an investment that you make in yourself – one that will serve you well your whole life long.

2. Build a strong support system.

Not all people who pose as friends are friends. Some people will infect you with their negative thoughts as if it is a deadly virus. Stay away from ‘friends’ who leave you tired, defeated and full of self doubt when you walk away from them. If you are prone to depression, you must look after your mind as carefully as you will look after your body if you are prone to pneumonia. You cannot afford to catch someone else’s toxic thoughts about themselves. Instead, surround yourself with people that energize you and enthuses you with their positive outlook on themselves and life in general. Remember, you become like the things you dwell upon.

3.Find a creative outlet.

We were made to create it is a part of our inner most being to be creative in our own lives too. Some people create by working or raising children, while others create through a hobby, arts and crafts, music, or writing. Find the creative outlet that suits your personality and lifestyle. It does not matter whether you have natural talent or not – just do it! Creating helps you feel part of a bigger whole and can become a way to express your inner most feelings without words.

One of the hardest questions you will ever ask yourself in life is: Why do bad things happen to good people? Or ‘Where is this God people talk about when it hurts so much?’ In fact, these questions can keep you submerged into depression for months at a time because it does not have easy answers. If anyone ever tries to offer easy answers for the toughest of life’s questions, run a mile, because easy answers do not exist.

After living through a lifetime of why this is what I know for sure about suffering:

• There are no guarantees in life. Good things can happen to bad people and visa-versa. Life & love never promised a smooth sail, but love will be found whilst living life.

• Some things are caused by our choices, other are inflicted upon us by the choices of others. Yet other things are thrown into our lives, seemingly as an act of God. The question to ask is not ‘Why?’ but rather, ‘How am I going to choose to respond to this?’

What goes up, must come down.

Imagine a world where people can make choices without consequences. Do you think it will be fun to do whatever you like without any thought about what might happen because of your choices? Let us look at a time in history when a civilization did just that. Did you know that during Roman times social and moral depravity lead to the collapse of one of the most powerful empires ever to exist?

You see, the average Roman lived for whatever felt good. They were deities in their own eyes and lived to satisfy every urge and desire that happened to cross their minds. They lived with no thought to the consequences of their actions. Many of them did not consider the moral, relational, and physical consequences of their actions. They lived for one sensual pleasure after the other and in the meantime the gaping hole of their souls were just becoming bigger and bigger. Years of depravity led to decay. There has hardly been a civilization under which violence, sexual diseases and broken relationships had been more rampart. The Roman Empire fell eventually because if man lived for his pleasures, he would also die by them. A worldwide empire brought to its knees because no matter where you live in history, you are subject to the natural consequences of your choices.

You see, this whole universe is based on natural laws. However hard you try, you cannot change the seasons or the course of the sun and moon, they are firmly put in place & the supernatural equation cannot be broken by man. Just as these natural forces around us make life on earth possible, we are also surrounded with non-physical natural laws. One of these is that you will reap exactly what you sow. If you sow wheat, you will reap wheat, not potatoes. If you sow judgment and a critical attitude; that is exactly what you will reap. What goes around, comes around, what goes up will eventually come down. These natural laws may take time or years to be evident in your consequences of your choices but believe me they will come.

These natural laws are at work in everybody’s life – you cannot escape it anymore than trying not to breathe the air around you. If you speak positive words, good will come to you. If you speak negative words, you invite misery to knock at your door. If you brighten other people’s lives with laughter, your own life will be lit up. You may not notice an immediate effect, but somehow, someday you will reap the harvest of what you have planted – positive or negative. It is inevitable.

Here are the thoughts of some famous people on consequences: Every choice carries a consequence. For better or worse, each choice is the unavoidable consequence of its predecessor. There are not exceptions. If you can accept that a bad choice carries the seed of its own punishment, why not accept the fact that a good choice yields desirable fruit? --Gary Ryan Blair (Mind Munchies: A Delicious Assortment of Brain Snacks!)

Master your choices or become the slave of their consequences. --Michael Rawls.

No matter what, we always have the power to choose hope over despair, engagement over apathy, kindness over indifference, enthusiasm over lethargy, love over hate. This is our true freedom. Whatever life may throw at us, we have the freedom and ability to choose our attitude. And I believe it is in those moments of choice that we manifest our destiny. -- Cory Booker.

There are always two choices. Two paths to take. One is easy. And its only reward is that it is easy. —Anonymous.

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.

In conclusion, never blindly accept what society says is right, look within your Spirit & soul seeing if they convict you of your choices.

Forgive, always, it releases you from carrying a heavy load for too long. The perpetrator will have to deal with the consequence not you. You, you be set free to fly as you choose.

Move forward with confidence that off loading the hatred & bitterness will lessen the burden for you to carry.

Find your purpose. Aiming for a goal will motivate you & keep you focused on the path ahead.

Realize you have a destiny. It may not be what you hoped for nevertheless you have one. Allow the natural process to help you find it, that will mean letting people in to help guide you, assist you, teach you. Let them.

Allow friendships that help lift you up without a cost or payment of any kind. Allow people to love you for who you are, not what they want you to be.

Look upon others with kindness & compassion no matter what. You do not know their inner most hurts or how uphill their road is, they may be searching for the same thing you are & are lost in their pain. Be their MAP.

Give first, freely. You will reap the rewards of your generosity if you are wise where you plant it.

Learn, ALL you can. Everyday learn something you did not know. Increase your brain & knowledge so you may have wisdom grow within to help those who are uneducated & struggling on life’s road.

Live life …. Abundantly. Never give up but do not become obsessed, there must be a peaceful natural flow as life is like a river, ever flowing silently, then gaining pace, turbulent over the rapids into a free falling of the waterfall, & finally finding rest in a slow & relax flow.

Laugh. LOTS. Laughter whether it be fake or real the body cannot distinguish. Laughter heals it is a medicine that reaches the depths of the marrow of bone. Laughter changes the mood & atmosphere it brings colour into a world of darkness & exhilarates the being releasing depression & sadness.

Combine it with LOVE. Love yourself first. If you cannot love yourself then how can you possibly love another, you will have no idea how to give it or embrace it . Love makes the world go round & a better place to be in whether it be yours or someone else’s.

Bring Peace to every situation do not let anger overtake you & keep your heart sweet & do not allow the poisonous vine to take hold & ravage you & bring pain on another.

Stay Strong. you are not alone. We are many & together we can lighten the heaviness that this world oppresses us with.

To you the reader you are loved wanted & cared for, you were never a mistake no matter what the darkness whispers to you.

Have courage. Have faith.

The answer will come. No need to scream, a whisper from your trembling lips can be heard eons away, even to the end of the Universe. Believe, just believe & a reply to your whisper will travel faster than the speed of light & be honey to your hearing & flame to your heart.

The answer will come faster than the speed of light.

THE END. XXX.

copy right R Williams 2011

Final Edit 2021.

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About the Creator

ROSLYN WILLIAMS

actress in stage & film , poetry & public speaker , dabbling in childrens story writing . beauty therapist & nail artist body piercer

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