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The Reality of Forgiveness

Forgiving is only the first step...

By Heart Centered UniversePublished 2 years ago 8 min read
The Reality of Forgiveness
Photo by Felix Koutchinski on Unsplash

I've been contemplating a lot lately about forgiveness. We all know that hating someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When we truly do forgive someone that hurt us, we feel better, like a burden has been lifted. We feel good about ourselves for taking the high road, so to speak, and give ourselves a big pat on the back for adulting and being mature. We forgive more for ourselves and our own inner peace then for the benefit of the one that hurt us.

Forgiving someone that has hurt us is a huge step in our growth and soul evolution. It's a very difficult thing to do, especially when the other person doesn't even think they have done anything wrong and hasn't even apologized!! So, when we can truly forgive someone and let go of the pain it has caused us, we need to acknowledge that and reward ourselves for taking that step.

But, what if forgiveness is only a part of the equation? What if forgiveness is only the first part, that there's more to the story? The reality of forgiveness is that it is only the first step. Congratulations if you've managed to forgive someone that hurt you deeply, you've completed step one.

But are you ready to go deeper???

It Is Really About YOU

By Elisa Ph. on Unsplash

Anytime we are hurt by someone else's words or actions, it has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with YOU. Think about it: Why did what they say bother you? It's because somewhere, deep inside of you, there is a wound that needs to be healed. You being upset or triggered by their words (no matter how horrific and cruel they are) is bringing up that inner wound so you can examine it and heal it yourself. And of course, their heartless words and/or actions aren't really an insult to you, it's coming from their own inner wounds that they haven't healed!

Relationships, whether with family, friends, or lovers, are just mirrors. They reflect back to us what we need to see. This is the whole purpose of relationships and interactions with other humans. And the whole purpose of life in general, is to learn how to give and receive love unconditionally.

I'll give you an example. Recently, before this last full moon, I did a full moon ceremony. Full moons are all about releasing what is no longer serving us, where as new moons are all about setting intentions of what we want to manifest. On this particular day, I had a LOT that I needed to release. It was weighing me down. It felt burdensome and was affecting my inner peace.

By Ganapathy Kumar on Unsplash

For this Full Moon ceremony, I wrote down on a small piece of paper everything that I needed to release and burned it. But before I did that, I reached out to at least a dozen people to ask for forgiveness (even though I may not have been the one that needed to be forgiven). I spoke my truth in a non judgmental way and accepted my responsibility for my part in the debacle (whatever it was). It wasn't for them or for their benefit, it was for me and my own healing.

One friend in particular that I had considered a best friend for years, wouldn't take my call or respond to my text messages. We had had an argument, more than one over the years, because she had said very hurtful things to me. This particular falling out she had angrily called me "entitled", which I thought was cruel and unfair. I've never felt like I acted entitled in anyway, however I do realized how blessed I am in so many areas of my life. I was still grappling with such intense grief from the loss of son only a year earlier. I had thought she really did love me and have my back and wanted what was best for me. I always loved and supported my friends in whatever they were going through and thought she should do the same! How could she say something so cruel to me when I was clearly going through a very difficult time in my life!? Aren't best friends not supposed to behave that way???

So I decided to write her a letter, and as I sat down to write it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. What did she need forgiveness for? She was only speaking her truth, it was her opinion. But why was I letting her opinion of me affect me so much? It was because I had a deep inner wound from childhood that needed to be brought to the surface to be healed. So I wrote all of this in the letter and told her I would always love her and wanted the best for her, now and always. Afterwards, it felt like a huge boulder had been lifted from my shoulders!

Examine Your Inner Wounds

By Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Now that we understand that anytime we feel hurt or offended it's really about ourselves, we can begin the process of transforming our wounds into wisdom. Anytime you feel offended or hurt, ask yourself these questions: Why is what they are doing or saying affecting me so much? What is it about me that is allowing myself to take offense to this? Is there something from my childhood or my past that is unhealed that is triggering my response to this? Is there a reason why I would care so much what this person thinks about me? Do I secretly hate this person, and why? Am I jealous of them and wish I could have their life? What inner core wound do they have that is making them be so cruel? These are just a few questions you could ask yourself, but you can come up with your own.

Once we understand that the offending person has their own inner core wounds that need to be healed, we can have compassion for them and not take things personally. What they said or did to you has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their point of view. Even if you're not fully aware of what their inner wounds are, you had better believe that that person has some inner wounds. We all do.

We have all experienced trauma, grief, loss, abandonment, abuse, and neglect. There is not one person on this planet who is immune to it. It's just life. The sooner we accept this reality, the more at peace we will feel in our hearts. But the purpose of our life challenges is to make us stronger! We need to start consciously transforming our greatest difficulties into wisdom and soul growth. We need to understand and embrace the fact that our challenges are meant to help us grow, evolve, and can ultimately make us more wise and enlightened.

Everyone's story is different, but in a way, they are all the same. We all want to love and be loved unconditionally. We all want forgiveness for our mistakes. We all want to be accepted for who we are. We all want to feel like we belong somewhere. We all need to feel safe and protected. We are all humans and have the same needs, dreams and desires. We are all like art. Each piece of artwork, on canvas for example, has a different size, shape and colors. But it's all the same thing, a piece of art on canvas.

Put An End To Being A Victim

By Salman Hossain Saif on Unsplash

I think we all know someone who is perpetual "victim". Everything that's going wrong in his or her life is always someone else's fault. They bitch and moan all day long because they want you to know that they are the victim here.

But the reality is, no one is a victim. Your life is exactly what you make it. Your thoughts, beliefs, intentions, words and actions make up what you see around you. If you don't like it, only you have the power to change it. It has to be that way. Otherwise, how do you explain a rich man who has absolutely everything that money can buy, yet is completely miserable and unfulfilled? How can you explain a poor man, who struggles just to keep a roof over his head and feed his family, yet is content and happy with his lot in life?

It's all about your attitude. The rich man is always hungry for more, and that attitude leaves him unsatisfied and always wanting more. The poor man is grateful for everything he has. He feels so blessed in life because he has discovered what's truly important and is surrounded by love. He places a greater importance on the love of his family than on material possessions because he knows that we can't take any of it with us when we leave this earthly plane- except the Love we have in our hearts.

Do you see the difference?

Start today by owning up and taking full responsibility for your life. Acknowledge that the life you have right now is the one that you created. A victim will never be able to change his or her circumstances because it's always someone else's fault! And everyone knows that we can't make someone change and we cannot control their actions. You can only control your reaction to it. Even if you are in an abusive marriage, your husband beats you to a pulp every single night, ask yourself: why you have allowed yourself to stay and accept this abuse for so long? Owning up to your part and taking responsibility in it is the first step to making a life change.

Have More Compassion

By Dave Lowe on Unsplash

I've got news for you: nobody knows what the f*ck they are doing in life, we are all just winging it. Anyone who tells you that they've got everything figured out is lying to you and to themselves. Seriously. We are all struggling in one way or another. We are all trying to be happy and make sense of this madness we call living. We all feel like giving up at times because it's all just too painful and difficult. We're all just souls walking around in this meat bag of bones and flesh and trying understand what it all means and why we're still here.

Practice being more compassionate to others, but especially to yourself. No one here is perfect. Judging another human being could mean that deep down inside, you're ashamed because you do that too. Becuase all relationships are our mirrors, remember ?

Forgive yourself for all of your past mistakes. Learn from them and try to do better, be better. Always be kind, you never know what someone is going through. You may feel like whatever is happening in your life is the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. But I've got more news for you: there's someone out there who's going through something much, much worse.

Being kind to others is what we need to do, every God damn day. If you want others to be kind to you, you've got to do it first. We get back in life what we put out there, it is a Law of the Universe that cannot ever be changed. And who knows, maybe you can inspire someone else to be kind too!

Follow Me on Instagram @rebeccajbrock @heartcentereduniverse



About the Creator

Heart Centered Universe

Author of Transcendence A Memoir, SAG Actress, and Real Estate Agent based in Miami Beach, FL. My blog is about what I feel called to share with the world🌍 Be Happy and VIBE HIGH! ⭐️❤️ www.authorrebeccajbrock.com.

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