The Mother I will never get back

My grandmother was the best thing ive ever had in my life. She took very good care of me and taught me everything i needed to know in life. My grandmother gave me opportunities that most kids would have been able to get as a kid. She supported me in any and everything I wanted to do in life without judging or putting me down. She showed me what love and respect was so as an adult I knew how to give that to others even if I don't get it back. My grandmother always taught me not to expect things from people who never got it themselves. She gave me everything as a kid even when she didn't have it. Wanting me to have a great life and be happy with great self esteem . Taking it up on her own to raise me from birth when my own mother didn't.

On March 17th, 2017 at 11:00 am i recieved that phone call that no child want's to get. That phone call that my mom has passed away. At that very moment my whole world stopped. I felt stuck and couldn't believe what I just heard. I had just left from seeing her, telling her that everything would be ok and that we would go shopping when she got better. It was just a week later after I saw her. The very last words she told me were " make sure you take care of yourself and that little. Make sure not to worry yourself so you won't end up like me". My Grandmother had a lot going on with her health and had a very hard time after heart surgery. She also told me to let her go that it was too hard for her to fight. I told her no mom it's ok you will get through it and not talk like that.

My worst nightmare, something I always feared but knew that one day her time was going to come. Now three years later I still struggle with her being gone and cry just about every night. It's very hard for me because we were so close and would do everything together. It hurts just to write about this and I'm trying not to cry but I want to get my stories out hoping to help another and inspire other young people. Just a few months later I had my second child with a 20% chance of living.

Please love your parents because when that time come there's nothing you can do to stop it. Anything that you might have done wrong you won't be able to say sorry or anything. You won't be able to take anything back. She was a very strong person and never gave up on anything. Everything she has taught me lives in me forever. After the loss, it seemed like nothing was the same for me. I found myself sad all the time not wanting to do much. losing my sence of self and everything I have ever worked for. I knew that she would want me to be this way and let myself go so I keep her in mind and stay strong every day that goes by. Working hard and making every day count for myself and my kids. My health has dropped a lot and I am slowly getting back on track with taking care of myself. I can see it with the weight gain and focus.

Hope my stories help others out there to stay strong and never give up