The Mind of a Little Boy

My son, who is now forty, recently found a little yellow notebook while sorting through my attic. I’m so glad he did! In it are entries I made about exchanges between my husband Neal, him, and me in 1984 when Ben was three.

The first entry suggests a bit of confusion about gender:

Ben says, ” When I grow into a woman… Mommy Daddy! Mommy Daddy! “

Neal asks, “What, Ben?”

“No, you’re Mommy. Mommy’s Daddy.” … ” Mommy Daddy!”

I say, “What, Ben?”

“You’re Daddy...he’s Mommy.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Neal says, “I’m Daddy.”

“You’re Daddy, he’s Mommy and I’m a girl, Alicia.” … “I’m a boy Alicia.”

***

When Ben says a “naughty” word and we ask him “Who says that?” he replies, “I do!”

***

Ben’s been asking to sleep in our bed. Tonight, when I came home from group and spent a few minutes with him on his bed as usual, he asked to sleep with us.

“No, Ben,”

“Why?”

“Because it’s important for boys and girls to have their own beds and for parents to have theirs. When I was a little girl, I had my own bed.”

Quite satisfied, Ben says, “When I was a big man, I used to sleep with Mommy, and Daddy used to be a kid and he used to sleep in his own bed.”

Ben is then concerned about Eeyore, who has big white eyes. “What’s Eeyore doing, Mommy?”

“He’s lying down going to sleep.”

Ben decides that Eeyore should go sleep in our room.

***

“Look at the moon! It’s twiddlylight!”

Later, as we watch a Gene Kelly and Judy Garland movie, Ben asks, “Why is that man yelling at her?”

I say, “Because he’s in love with her, but they’re arguing anyway. People who love each other can argue and it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other, huh?”

Ben says, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Ben. We argue sometimes, don’t we?”

Ben says, “Tell me, ‘I have a hair.’”

“I have a hair.”

“No, you don’t”

***

One night when I am out, Neal and Ben are eating dinner. Ben says, “I like you, but I like it better when all three of us are together.”

***

Ben is lying on his back like a zombie under his quilt. Neal asks, “Can’t you sleep?”

“No, I’m waiting for the storm.”

“Why are you waiting for the storm?”

“Because I’m afraid.”

“It isn’t gonna storm tonight.”

“Uh huh!”

“It isn’t gonna storm because when it storms you get big dark clouds.”

Ben twists his head to look out the window.

“I’ll tell you what, Ben, if it doesn’t storm, I’ll give you a kiss. And if it does storm, you give me a kiss.”

Ben, “Uh huh.”

“Benjamin, I’m telling you, it’s not the right day for a storm.”

Ben smiles and goes to sleep.

***

The night before, we did have a fantastic thunderstorm. Ben woke up crying. Neal told him he didn’t have to be afraid. Ben went back to sleep.

The next morning, Ben wakes up cheerfully at 6:00 with, “Mommy!” Can I get up now?”

“Come sit on the bed with me. Did you sleep well?

“I had a nightmare.”

“You did? What happened?”

“I threw my skates through the window. And a girl fell in the toilet.”

A girl at daycare had fallen into the toilet!

***

Recently, we talked about where babies grow before they’re born, how they get in and come out, and so on. When we watch a movie with a hunchback as a character, Ben says, “Does he have a baby in there?”

***

Ben is at the laundry with Neal. He’s in a cart and the attendant comes up and says, “You have to get out of the cart because it might tip over and you’ll hurt yourself.”

Ben gets out. A little girl gets in the cart. The guy comes by again and doesn’t say anything.

Ben says, “Tell her to get out of the cart.”

The attendant tells the girl to get out. As he’s walking away, Ben says, “Fair’s fair!”

***

The next day we all went shopping and ended up getting Ben the cowboy boots he’s been asking for for months. When we got home and were unloading the car, which was parked on the other side of the street, Ben ran across the street without looking.

Neal got very angry with him and made him sit down and think about it.

Later Ben and I drew and wrote a story about the incident.

We all went upstairs early, being tired (not of Ben, of course!). I fell asleep while Ben was playing, and Neal was watching TV.

When I woke up, Neal and Ben were both sleeping next to me. Soon Neal woke up and told me the following:

“I was trying to sleep, but Ben was rutzing around too much, so I made him sleep on the floor. Ben tried to rest with a pillow and a blanket but kept banging his foot on the floor. Then he got up and thumped me on the chest!

"What do you want?"

''If I got hit by a car could I still keep my boots?'"

October

Ben asked me to wipe his bottom. As I waited for him to be ready, he told me that as soon as he was done, he wouldn’t have a baby in his tummy anymore.

“Ben, when you eat food, it goes into your tummy and goes back and forth to get digested, until it comes out of your bottom. Babies are in special places called uteruses, and only women have uteruses.”

“Is there a baby in your uterus?”

“No.”

"Why not?"

“Because I’m not pregnant.”

“When are you going to be pregnant?”

“Oh, sometime in a few years. Would you like me to be pregnant?”

“Um-hmm.” He pauses.

“When I go poops I won’t have a baby in my uterus anymore.”

“Ben, you don’t have a uterus!”

“I have a penis-uterus!”

A few minutes later I ask him if he is having growing pains again. He says, “Um-hum. I’m giving growing pains to you guys!”

November

I say, “Ben you look taller! Are you growing?”

“When I was a baby, I used to grow in your oterus.”

I laugh and say, “That’s right, in my uterus! Where do you grow now?

“Now I grow outside!”

***

Ben wet his pants at school. While he and Neal were driving home, Neal began to talk and then to holler at Ben about wetting his pants. Ben started to cry.

Neal asked Ben, “Do you feel bad or do you feel sad?”

“Sometimes I would like to holler at you, but I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because the tears would come and it would hurt your feelings,”

Later in the same drive, Neal says, “Sometimes I holler not because I’m angry, but I’m frustrated. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah, it’s like hollering at the outside, or the pee-pee.”

Huh?

December

One morning Neal asks me when I want us to get going on a trip we are taking. I reply, “Well, we have to have some breakfast…”

“We can eat breakfast on the road.”

Ben says, “We can eat breakfast on the steps!”