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The Lonely Child

10 Ways To Help Your Child Be More Likeable

By Judy Helm WrightPublished 4 years ago 5 min read
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The Lonely Child
Photo by Chinh Le Duc on Unsplash

"Nobody likes me." "I don't have any friends." "I am lonely and sad." "I'm Bored." "What's wrong with me?"

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than seeing the left-out child. We wish there was something we could do to ensure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground.

Actually, there is something we can do to increase their acceptance by the group and become more approachable to others. We can teach them skills and behaviors which will enhance their chances of being picked as a friend.

The Importance of Friendship

New research shows that all likable children behave in certain ways. These skills are not in-born but can be taught by parents, teachers and other caring adults.

There is a language of likability that some children cannot pick up by osmosis, but must learn. It has been called "shorthand" to make friends.

Not only does fitting in and having friends feel good, but it also has numerous other advantages including better grades, healthier bodies, less stress, and more opportunities to learn social skills.

Children who feel like they have friends tend to stay in school longer, make wiser decisions, and are generally happier. The ability to make friends is so much more important than just having a play date.

10 Secrets to Assisting Your Child Be More Likeable

Parents, teachers and other caring adults teach and model these secrets on a daily basis and you will find your social circle enlarging.

1. Look for opportunities to assist others. Studies show that helpfulness correlates more strongly than any other attribute to being liked. Teach the children to be aware of other people's needs and to offer assistance before they ask for it.

2. Find something that makes them feel special. Encourage your child to find an activity, hobby or interest that they really enjoy. They don't have to excel at it, just enjoy it. Do they enjoy drama, dance or railroads? Join a group of enthusiasts. This gives them a different pool of potential friends.

3. Say "hello" first, and smile. People who smile are perceived as nice and approachable. Friendly and optimistic people act as a magnet to others. Have you ever gotten mad at someone who smiled or said hi to you? Help them to be aware of the tone of voice, appropriate laughter and facial expressions.

4. Be pleasant to be around. It is simply too much work to try to figure out someone's "moods" and if your child tends to complain a lot or blame others, they will find associates distancing themselves. If your child is consistently negative, help them to see the positive and break the habit of pessimism. Use a pair of magnets to visually explain that we are drawn to others who are like us. Explore the energy techniques of EFT (Google Gary Craig's site for help) for some simple ways to change thought patterns.

5. Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you are disrespectful to others or gossip about those who are not present, people tend to be wary of how you will treat them. Don't blame others for not living up to your expectations. It is important that you teach your child that he or she is lovable and that if they continue to behave in positive ways, a friend will come along.

6. Don't stand out from the crowd. Whether we like it or not, kids are judged by the way they look. Try to help them fit in socially by letting them choose their own clothes as much as possible. It is especially important to practice good hygiene and have clean clothes.

7. Ask to join in the fun. When approaching a group that is already engaged, pick one person to look in the eye and ask if you can join them. If that person says no or seems hesitant, then smile and say, "Okay, maybe next time?" You will get a much better response if you ask one person than if you address the group at large. If the one person accepts, then the others will go along with it. Be sure to say, "Thanks for letting me join you. It was fun."

8. Don't take it personally. Help your child to understand that another person may just be having a bad day and may not be mad or dislike him or her. Teach children how to shake things off, like an animal shakes off after a confrontation with another animal. It is important that both you and your child understand that people are really much less concerned about us than we would like to think.

9. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body language is the communication of relationships. Appear open, friendly and eager to join in and make friends. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Respect other people's space by not standing too close. A good exercise is to watch a video with your child and stop the action and analyze what the actors are doing or conveying with their body language.

10. Recognize the difference between friendship and popularity. Friendship is more important and will last a lifetime. Popularity is fleeting and dependent on the group. You really only need one good friend.

A Teaching Tool

One of the most effective tools I have found for change is to think about an incident that happened, either positive or negative and then say

"next time....."

It helps to cement what went right and reflect on what didn't go so well, so you can make changes in behavior and attitude. It also reminds the child that we all get another chance to try again, and somewhere there is a friend just waiting for them.

Do not criticize or put too much emphasis on your child's behavior or they will not want to share ideas and feelings with you.

Thank you for doing the most important job in the world.

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Judy Helm Wright is an Author/ParentEducator/IntutiveWiseWoman who specializes in family relationships. For FREE articles and newsletter, please sign up at www.ArtichokePress.com You will find a listing of some of her books and courses on the products page. You can find "The Left Out Child-the Importance of Friendship" on the website or on Amazon. Thank you for being part of our "tribe." jhw

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About the Creator

Judy Helm Wright

Hello from beautiful Montana, USA

Judy Helm Wright--Author/PetParent/IntuitiveWiseWoman

I have 22 books on Amazon (and still can't pay the mortgage with what I earn!) Check me out at www.ArtichokePress.com/products Blessings to you and yours

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