The Little Big Sister

Tessie may have been two years older than her sister Blake, but she was often treated as the baby of the family due to her autism. Her parents continued to give her toys into her high school years, her grandparents communicated in baby talk around her, and her aunt would often avoid talking to her. Even her own cousins were advised to treat her differently. The only person in the family who treated her as if she were her own age was Blake.

Blake knew that her sister was autistic ever since she overheard her parents at the age of eight. The family had just moved to a new city, and they were discussing Tessie’s accommodations as she entered fourth grade a year behind at a new school. They noticed Blake peeking from around the corner and begged her to never mention any of this to her sister.

“Tessie can never be a big sister to you,” they told her. “You have to be the Big Sister. Are we clear?”

Her parents were clear, but Blake refused to treat her sister like a baby. Instead, she made it her goal to always look up to Tessie no matter what. Her goal was first put to the test one day before school. Tessie had undone one of her braids because it made the right side of her head feel uncomfortable. However, she kept the other one in one piece.

“Why don’t you undo the other one?” Blake asked her sister.

“Because it’s only this side that irritates me,” Tessie explained.

“Don’t you want your hair to look the same?”

“Not really. I just want my scalp to feel good.”

Most people would tell Tessie to fix up her hair unless she wished to be stared at and teased, but Blake wasn’t one of those people. Instead, she decided to do what any other little sister would do and try to be just like her big sister. She didn’t mind if the other kids stared at the single braid sticking out of the side of her head.

“Blake, what is going on with your hair?” a classmate asked with a confused glance.

“My sister invented a brand new hairstyle and I wanted to copy it.”

“Your sister came up with that?”

“Yeah. Isn’t she cool?”

Instead of insisting that the look was “weird” or “strange”, the classmate pulled some rubber bands out of her desk and braided one side of her head. By the time class was dismissed for recess, nearly every girl had braided one side of her head. Although some girls from the other classes found it strange, they soon caught on and gave the latest trend a try. The playground had braids flying in the wind as the children slid down slides, swung on swings, and ran to bases in kickball.

Meanwhile, Tessie was distracted in class as she struggled to copy down stuff from the board. The girls behind her were giggling and pointing at her hair, making it nearly impossible for her to focus. That’s when she looked outside and was surprised to see dozens of girls sporting her hairstyle. The giggling behind her finally stopped as the bullies were just as shocked at the view as Tessie was. That’s when Blake ran up to the class window and waved. Tessie smiled and twirled her single braid in victory as the parade of pigtails continued outside.

That wouldn’t be the only time Blake supported one of her sister’s “unusual” ideas.

Skip forward to where Tessie is thirteen. It was October, and yet it was still warm enough for the family pool to remain in use. Then again, it was incredibly uncommon for someone to go swimming in the October rain. Blake wasn’t at all surprised to look out her window one Saturday afternoon and see her autistic sister floating in the pool with her clothes on as the Earth took a shower.

For as far as she could remember, Tessie always had a fascination with water. She was normally at her calmest if she were in a pool, river, tub, etc. Whether it was the cool temperature or the weightlessness as she floated or just simply the feel of it against her skin, she did her best thinking in the water. It was as if she were a mermaid in a past life.

Water was also the reason that Tessie’s mother was always so worried about her. After nearly losing her daughter beneath the surface on a boating trip, she was hesitant to buy a house with a pool. Her husband assured her that she was making a big deal out of nothing, only for the eleven-year-old to hit her head on the diving board and nearly drown a year after they had moved into the house. Tessie was no longer allowed to swim by herself until after she had graduated high school.

Fortunately, Mom was too busy taking a nap to yell at her daughter to come back inside the house. This gave Blake enough time to go out and try to get Tessie back inside before she got caught.

“Tessie, what are you doing out there?” Blake shouted from the door.

“Thinking,” Tessie replied as she bobbed up and down.

“What do you mean?”

“I need to write a short story about someone who longs for a new life. Ms. Webb didn’t like my original idea, so I need to come up with something better.”

“What was wrong with it?”

“She said I could do better. She didn’t say how, though.”

Blake was confused. Tessie always came up with the best ideas. Whether it was an alien trying to find his way home or a doll wanting to be human, her ideas stretched far and wide. What brilliant idea wasn’t “better” enough for Ms. Webb?

“Don’t you think you should work on your story inside?” Blake asked.

“I can’t brainstorm in there. I tried.”

If Mom had seen this, she would’ve yanked Tessie right out of the pool and asked if she had any idea how much the family worried about her. Blake took a different approach and jumped right in. Her long skirt swirled around like a mermaid’s tail as she caught up with her sister.

“What are you doing?” Tessie asked bewilderedly.

“Joining you. Do you mind?”

“No, not at all.”

“What was your idea?”

The aspiring writer smiled and led her sister into a world where everyone was perfect and beautiful. One such human was a young woman named Jennifer who didn't want to be perfect just like everyone else. Instead, she wished to be a sea creature and explore the seas. And what kind of sea creature did she want to be? A mermaid? A dolphin? A sea turtle? Nope.

Jennifer wished to be a woman with the head of an octopus.

“Why?” Blake asked with a curious grin.

“Because nobody in that world would see her as perfect or beautiful in that form,” Tessie cheerfully explained. “Also, why not?”

That was the idea that Mrs. Webb didn’t like? It was brilliant and original! Did she only want stories that were realistic, or did she want characters who longed to be perfect? What was the point of encouraging creativity if limitations are going to be placed left and right?

The rain started to die down a bit as a ray of sunshine fought to pierce through the clouds. In an effort to lift her sister’s spirits, Blake brought up a memory from a couple of summers ago. In it, the two girls were admiring the chemtrails in the blue sky as their dad grilled burgers. Blake was tracing the chemtrails with her finger as Tessie imagined the aircraft as UFOs. The latter asked her family if they thought that aliens were out there somewhere, to which her parents politely told her to not be silly. Blake jumped right to her sister’s defense and imagined what she’d be like as an alien.

“Do you remember what kind of alien you’d be?” Tessie asked as she continued to float.

“Yes, I said that I’d be purple with polka dots in a darker shade and green hair. I’d wear metallic-colored dresses, my name would be Stardust, and–”

“TESSIE AND BLAKE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? GET BACK INSIDE THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW!”

The girls scurried back inside as their mother furiously threw towels at them. The rest of the day was filled with, “You should know better than that, Tessie,” and, “Blake, I told you that you need to be the Big Sister in this house.” Whenever the matriarch's back was turned, the girls smiled at each other. So what if they got wet outside? All they got was a couple of runny noses.

“Do you think I should change my idea?” Tessie asked when she finally put pen to paper later that night.

“Absolutely not,” Blake replied. “Any idea is a good idea; it depends on how you write it. That’s what Ms. Webb should worry about, not which idea is “better” or whatever.”

Skip forward to where Tessie is seventeen and a junior in high school. Her birthday is a month away, and her parents have finally decided to pull her aside and drop the autism truth bomb on her. Why did they wait until then to tell her? Because she’d have more control of her IEP once she became of age.

“But why didn’t you tell me I was autistic before?” the confused girl asked. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this when I was a little girl?”

“Honey, we didn’t want the other kids to make fun of you,” Mom said as sweetly as possible.

The girl just responded with furious laughter. Have they forgotten all those times she was teased for being different? Did they erase the memories of when she begged them not to send her back to school because she was being bullied? They had specifically ordered Blake to be the Big Sister to help her special needs sister, which is probably why she was the only one who bothered to remember that Tessie was being bullied. Did they expect the baby of the family to do their job for them?

And what about Blake?

“How long have you known that I was autistic, Blake?” Tessie asked when the two of them were alone.

“Since I was eight. I wanted to tell you so badly, but Mom and Dad told me not to. They told me that you could never be the Big Sister because of your autism, and I wanted to prove them wrong.”

“Is that why you always copied me, even when I did things you normally wouldn’t do?”

“Yes, Tessie. I wanted you to feel proud of your ideas, no matter what others said.”

None of this was taken very well. It pained Tessie to learn that her best friend had held up a charade for years. Yes, Blake was only trying to help, but Tessie wondered if anyone else would’ve supported her ideas if her little sister hadn’t done so first. Did her sister actually care for her, or did she only act like it because she felt forced to?

It really didn’t help that the truth bomb was dropped a week before prom. Should Tessie even bother to be herself and wear this one-of-a-kind outfit that suited her perfectly, or should she try to find a new look at the last minute and try to look just like everyone else? The latter decision would just stress her out, and her mom would most likely refuse to buy her another dress, anyway. Besides, she was so proud of her idea and was excited to put it all together. How could she just throw it all away at the last minute?

Even though her mind was racing with negative thoughts and her heart was heavy with emotions, Tessie strutted into prom looking as if Marie Antoinette were a goth girl in the early 2010s. Her black puff-sleeved dress stopped just above the knees with black lace attached to the bottom. The sheer tights with the white pattern gave her legs a floral design as her black heels lifted her a few more inches off the ground. A pearl choker with a black bow decorated her neck and had a matching pair of earrings to go with it. She tried to copy the queen’s iconic hairdo, but she only managed to complete an equally-impressive ponytail made out of curls. A stunning royal looked back at her in her vanity mirror.

It’s quite easy to stand out at prom when the theme is Under the Sea and you’re dressed like the star of an emo music video from 2010. Tessie basically stood out like a thumb with black nail polish on a hand with the other nails painted seafoam green. She was the polar opposite of Blake, who depicted a stiff Barbie mermaid. The pink mermaid cut dress was strapless and showed off every curve of insecurity. Her curls contained so much hairspray that the hairdo looked like doll hair, and the makeup made her look even more like a doll. And to top it all off, this wasn’t even the look that she wanted.

The only reason that a sophomore like Blake was able to attend prom was that she was dating an older guy named Clyde who didn’t know how to treat her properly. He was always making her wear things that she didn’t want to wear and do things she didn’t want to do. The one thing that she managed to avoid doing was losing her virginity to him, and he was dead set on making it happen on Prom Night. She initially agreed to do so just to get him to shut up, but there was no way that she planned to go through with it.

The Prom King and Queen haven’t even been crowned yet, and Clyde was already trying to get Blake to leave with him for the hotel room he had arranged. He was grinding against her and pulling on her arm and breathing heavily down her neck as she tried to stand her ground. Finally, she snapped at him and declared that she was going to dance the night away with or without him. The coward responded by shoving the innocent girl to the ground as the people around them danced as if nothing had happened.

Somebody should’ve told Clyde that you should never mess with an autistic person’s loved ones because he went home that night with a bloody nose.

Tessie was shocked and amazed at what she had done as she drove Blake home. All her life, Blake had stood up for her without it ever being the other way around. Tonight, she finally felt like the Big Sister that her parents never thought she could be. She continued playing the Big Sister role as she helped Blake into the house and to the kitchen for some ice cream sundaes.

“Why did you do that?” Blake finally spoke as she stared at her bowl.

“Because you’re my little sister,” Tessie replied as she dug her spoon into her ice cream, “and that’s what big sisters do.”

“You didn’t have to do it, but I’m glad you did.”

“I wanted to do it. Nobody hurts my best friend and gets away with it.”

At that moment, Blake finally put some ice cream up to her mouth, only for it to fall right off her spoon and onto her dress. She grabbed some napkins in a panic, but the chocolate syrup was already leaving a stain.

“Oh no!” Blake groaned. “Clyde is going to be mad!”

“Why do you care?” Tessie asked. “He’s the worst. Why did you even let him pick out that hideous thing?”

“I wanted to wear something that he liked.”

“That’s what he likes? You love wearing poofy skirts and polka dots. You should’ve worn one of those fifties-style dresses and not something that makes Pretty In Pink look like a horror movie.”

“What do you suggest?” Blake asked as she smirked at Tessie’s unique remark.

“I’ve seen brides do these photoshoots where they trash their wedding dresses. Why don’t we do that?”

“Sounds like a fun idea, but please go change your clothes first. Your perfect outfit doesn’t deserve to get trashed.”

And with that, Blake ran outside with her ammo as Tessie prepared for battle. The latter fired chocolate syrup at the dress as the former gave herself a shower of melted ice cream. Sprinkles flew in the night sky as whipped cream was rubbed everywhere. At one point, Tessie accidentally slipped on the cream and fell flat on her butt, causing an eruption of laughter.

The laughter and screams eventually caught the attention of their parents, who were upstairs and didn’t even know that the girls were home early. A couple of years ago, they would’ve yelled at their daughters for doing something so ridiculous. However, they had since accepted that they couldn’t control their daughters forever and should let them have as much fun as they could. Instead of coming up with a form of punishment, they just told the girls to wash up for bed and clean up their mess in the morning.

Little Sister gave Big Sister a smile of approval as they made their way upstairs, their hands clasped together.

Skip forward to where Tessie is twenty-seven years old and still trying to figure out exactly what she’s going to do with her life. Her seventh-grade short story of a woman who wants to have the head of an octopus had since been expanded into a novel that nobody wanted to publish. No matter how many times she edited it, she was always told that it could be “better”, whatever that meant. Would Jennifer Octohead ever see the light of day, or would it stay buried in the depths of the ocean?

The clock in Tessie’s room was a quarter to midnight when her phone rang. The caller ID belonged to someone she hadn’t seen or talked to in months. What did they want at this hour?

“Hey,” Tessie said while trying to not sound anxious. “What’s up?”

“Hey, what are you doing?” Blake’s voice said faintly on the other end. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“No, I’m just struggling to write something. Do you need anything?”

“No, I just wanted to talk.”

They tried to have a conversation, but Blake kept slurring nearly every sentence. She also continued to speak in a soft tone, which was odd to Tessie.

“Blake, please be honest with me,” Tessie said in a rare serious tone. “Have you been drinking?”

“Yes,” replied a faint whisper.

“Is Dale home?”

“No.”

“I’m coming over.”

Tessie was already grabbing her things as Blake protested on the other end. In less than twenty minutes, she pulled into the driveway of a yellow house with a faded picket fence. Nobody had done the lawn in forever, the overflowing trash can had been knocked over, and the windows needed a good scrub. Following the directions she was given before hanging up, she sped-walked to the backyard with her gear, only to nearly drop it all.

Like a flash of lightning, Tessie dashed to the inflatable pool to pull out her sister, who was lying facedown in the water. Before she could even perform CPR, Blake sputtered and flung her arms everywhere.

“I swear I wasn’t drowning!” Blake insisted.

“You never do this!” Tessie cried. “Why would you just drink everything away?”

“Why not? Dale wants a divorce. He’s running off with some lady who's pregnant with his baby.”

“That’s not a reason to just throw it all away! What about Mom and Dad? What about your friends? What about me?”

“You don’t need me anymore! You’re finally independent!”

“That doesn’t mean that I don’t want you! Why would I want the first person to take me seriously to just disappear?”

For once in her life, Blake truly became the Baby Sister. She let her Big Sister cradle her in the pool as tears ran down her face. Only the stars in the sky could view this moment.

“Come on,” Tessie finally said. “I brought ice cream.”

Without even bothering to sit down at the table or grab some bowels, the sisters ate mint chocolate chip ice cream right out of the bucket in the pool. They giggled as they splashed around and spilled ice cream directly onto their skin. This was something they probably would’ve done behind their parents’ backs as kids, only to get caught and grounded. It was nice for them to know that some things never changed, even after Blake all but disappeared after getting hitched over a year ago.

“I should’ve known it was too good to be true,” Blake said as she slowly started to sober up. “I just wanted something to do after college. Dale seemed to have it all except commitment.”

“Blake, I am so sorry.”

“It’s ok, Tessie. You know, you are so lucky to have someone like Gerald in your life. I hope the two of you get married.”

Tessie felt a lump in her throat. Gerald, her wheelchair-bound autistic boyfriend, would lose his Social Security Income if he got married. Should she tell her sister why a wedding wouldn’t be possible? No, because that would make her even more upset. Instead, she agreed that she and Gerald were lucky to be together.

It may or may not have been a result of the alcohol, but Blake eagerly took Tessie’s hair tie out of her hair and started braiding the side of her head.

“Uh, Blake?” Tessie said with utter confusion.

“Don’t worry,” she said in a louder and more cheerful tone. “It will look nice. I promise.”

Tessie looked at her reflection in the water and saw what looked like a soaked rat tail growing out of her head. Knowing exactly what Blake had in mind, she took the extra hair tie from around her wrist and gave her cheery sister the exact same look. The two of them erupted into a volcano of giggles as they admired their hard work.

If Mom and Dad were there right now, they’d be amazed to see the “Little Sister” taking care of the “Big Sister”. They’d never expect Tessie to help a drunken Blake into her house to clean her up in the bathroom. In their eyes, Blake would be more likely to change Tessie out of her wet clothes rather than the other way around. Maybe they’d be proud of their autistic daughter for putting Blake to bed, cleaning up her house, and staying until morning.

“If you need anything,” Tessie said to Blake as she tucked her in, “I’ll be in the next room. Ok?”

“Ok,” Blake smiled. “Goodnight, Jennifer Octohead.”

A small laugh escaped Tessie as she replied with, “Goodnight, Stardust the Polka Dotted Alien.”