The Family Fix(h)er

Flashes of light beamed through the darkness. I sank my head further into my pillow and squeezed my eyes shut. I just needed one night. One night to forget everything. One night to remember how to breathe.

Vibrations raced across my skin. I rolled over and searched the tangled blanket for my phone. Three missed calls. Ten unread messages.

Dee I'm scared.

Don’t tell mom I’m telling you this but mom and Carol are fighting because Cairo wants to go strip. They are screaming at each other.

I’m crying because it practically sounds like she’s looking for a death sentence.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m just telling you because I feel like you understand

Cairo's been asking me if I’ve been seeing things like her but I don't

I say no but I’m scared she’s going to hate me for the rest of my life

Please help me

Dee Please

I’M SO SCARED!

Tears threatened my eyes as a familiar lump pushed against my throat. The baritone of my heart beat roared in my ears as the walls of my room transported instantly to the edge of my skin. My eyes spun feverishly through the darkness. I gripped the sheets to steady the spinning and tried to force air past the lump deep into my lungs in heaving gasps. “Home” flashed across the screen of my Samsung galaxy. I focused on slowing my heave to manageable sigh and slowly brought my cellphone to my ear.

“Hello! Hello,” my mom’s desperate voice boomed through the phone, somehow still failing to mask the shrieks of my elder sister.

“Dee, are you there,” my mom asked again.

Did I even have a choice, I wondered. I managed a meek grunt into the phone.

“Your sister is crying! I don’t know what to do,” she hollered.

My fingers tightened around my phone. I shut my eyes and leaned against the headboard of my bed. The wood felt cool against the back of my neck. I needed the world to stop spinning.

“I’m coming,” I whispered.

Without bothering to hang up I tossed my phone on my bed and walked towards my dresser, my body moving on its own to a pre-recorded rhythm. I could still hear my mom rambling in the distance. I reached for my blue Adidas duffle bag. How many sets of clothes would I need this time? I shoved as many clothes as I could fit into the bag and grabbed the phone from my bed. My mom had hung up and the screen read 8pm, 2 minutes till my über would arrive. My abandoned school work lay scattered on my desk. My eyes lingered for a moment before I turned my back and climbed upstairs.

“ So you’re headed to Brampton,” asked Jared, my uber driver. He couldn’t be much older than me. He had a taper cut and a black bomber jacket.

“Yeah”, I muttered

“ Doing anything tonight,” he asked.

My little sister’s water supply was depleting rapidly through her eyes, my mom had lost all control of the situation at home, and my older sister was having a serious breakdown.

“Just handling some family stuff,” I replied.

“Family stuff. Man, I know those ones,” he sighed.

I hoped he didn’t.

We rode the rest of the ride in silence. The car wound through the damp roads. The lights reflected off the streets and the silhouettes of the trees looked like giants through the tinted window. The car slowly stopped in front of my family’s cherry tree.

On warm spring days I would climb up as high as I could, sit in the branches amongst the budding cherry blossoms and stare up at the sky. I stopped climbing that tree when I was ten, around the same time my mom found out Cairo was stripping and kicked her out for the first time. I stared at the old red panels that lined the red bricks of my family house. Even in the darkness it hadn’t changed.

“Good luck with your family stuff,” Jared called out before driving down the street blending into the night’s silhouettes.

I fumbled through the keys and before I could find the right key the door swung open and I was face to face with my mom. Faye stood directly behind my mom crying while Cairo sat on the stairs laughing. My heart tightened in my chest.

“ I don’t know what to do,” my mom sighed.

I nodded.

“I know. It’s ok,” I said in the most reassuring voice I could muster.

I marched through my mom’s front door, dropped my duffle bag and pulled Faye into my arms. She pressed her forehead into my shoulder and clung to me as if I could be ripped away from her at any moment. Even though she was ten years old she was already almost as tall as me. I rubbed her back and whispered into her ears, “Hey it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here”.

Her body shook as she fought to catch her breath. I gently unwrapped her arms from my body and led her upstairs past Cairo and up to my old room. She sat on the bed and fixed her eyes on the floor. I squatted in front of her and cupped her hands in mine. Her tears gently rolled off my hand.

“Hey, listen to me. None of this is your fault. You did the right thing. Do you hear me” I demanded forcing her to answer my question.

She nodded.

“ She’s not going to hate you. Cairo’s just sick. Do you know what Schizophrenia is,” I asked.

“When.. you see.. things... and hear things that ….aren’t there,” she muttered through sniffles.

“Yeah exactly. Cairo has Schizophrenia. Even though we can’t see the things she is seeing it doesn’t mean she’s not seeing it or hearing it. But you shouldn’t ever lie and say that you can see it or tell her she’s not seeing it. Ok,” I explained, unsure if I was even making sense.

She nodded again and slowly looked me in my eyes.

“I just feel like my voice is too small,”she whispered.

I gripped her hands tighter and pressed my lips against her fingertips.

“Never. Never be scared to speak up. I hear you and I’ll always come if you call me. I promise,” I swore to the tips of her fingers and depths of her soul because I would always come, whenever she needed me. My voice sounded choked. I hoped she didn’t notice. Faye's raging red eyes brimmed with unshed tears. There was something eerily familiar in them, something that I knew too well. The tightness in my chest crept back in. I forced myself to smile and swallowed back the balls of cries that were creeping up the back of my throat.

“Why would you even stay quiet! Girl you know the stories you can tell. Hey at least your life isn’t boring kid! How many of your friends can say their sister has schizophrenia,” I chuckled.

Faye laughed and dried her eyes with the back of her hands. She smiled at me with genuine warmth and I grinned back at her with hollowness in my eyes.

“You’ll be okay. Just stay a kid as long as you can. You don’t have to think too much about these things. Speak your mind, play video games, read books, and freaking climb trees. Don't worry DJ got this,” I boasted.

I glanced back at her one last time before closing the room door and heading downstairs.

Cairo had moved closer to the door, her hair stood wildly on top of her head as she swatted at her body. When I was younger she always told me a woman’s hair was her pride.

“Dee you see it too right,” she shouted. A wide grin spread across her face.

“Sorry Cairo, I can't see what you see,” I replied.

Her face dropped and she rolled her eyes. A bulky black and green duffle bag laid next to her feet.

“Where are you going,” I asked.

Her eyes darted around the room nervously and she picked at her skin. She glanced towards the door before turning to face me.

“Back to the shelter. I have to go back. I need dirty people around me. They can’t keep me here,” she whispered directing her gaze at my mom and dad.

My heart tightened in my chest. I had just found my sister after two years of searching for her on my own. She couldn’t just leave. Not again.

“Cairo please stay, for me,” I pleaded, the last part coming out only a little louder than a whisper.

“I already called the cops,” Cairo replied smugly, “they can’t keep me here!”

I turned my attention to my mom who nodded in agreement. All I wanted was for the world to stop spinning. Just for one single night.

Two officers arrived at my house, each dressed in heavy black vests with the word, “POLICE” written boldly in striking white letters across them and a bulky black belt that housed a gun. The officers moved throughout the house with authority separating my sister and mom into different rooms. My body tensed as one of the officers began asking Cairo questions. She rambled on about her ghost event and her friendship with Nicki Minaj. The officer nodded his head and listened patiently. He didn't laugh, call her crazy or look at her strange, he just listened. My body slowly relaxed as I released a weary breath.

“ She’s not all there. She’s crazy,” I heard my mom “whisper” to the other cop. My feet moved instinctively. I explained to the officer that my sister has schizophrenia and was having an episode. My mom insisted the officers put her on a psych hold.

“Sorry mam’ we don't have enough to hold her because she’s not dangerous” the officer took a step towards us and lowered his voice, “...in the morning go to the station and get a form that allows us to detain her and force her to a hospital for an evaluation”.

The words stung my ears. The air thickened. My inhales quickened and exhales shortened. Somehow between envisioning losing my sister forever and regulating my breathing, the officers were able to convince her to stay until the morning. I put Cairo to bed and checked on Faye. I assured my mom I would stay and watch Cairo while she got the forms done in the morning.

I shut off all the lights and sank into the couch. The time on the tv box read 3:00am. I pulled my legs towards my chest and rested my forehead on my knees. I greedily shovelled air down my throat in heaving gasps desperate to fill the deep emptiness in my lungs and soul. I clasped my hands over my mouth and muffled a scream. My body shook violently. Tears streamed down my hands, this time, they were mine. There was something breaking inside of me. My back gave out and I let my body fall limply on the couch. I was exhausted, depleted and alone. Even my lodged screams refused to keep me company. I sobbed silently under the night’s veil and prayed for the comfort of sleep. Despite the lingering hope I knew, just like always, I knew, no one was coming. After all, no one ever asks who fixes the fixer.