The Day I Found Out

“Hey, mom? Did you order something online?” I asked, a confused look on my face.

“No, why? Do you need me to?” Mom responds, the excitement and curiosity in her voice. “No, I don’t need anything, there’s just a box on the porch wrapped in brown paper. There’s not a name or anything on it.” I continued to pick the package up and check all sides for a name. Maybe it was just a mistake, surely someone left it here by accident. Out of nowhere, mom is by my side. Holding the box, and gently shaking it. I asked her not to shake it, but she just looked at me like I was crazy.

As mom opened the box, my adrenaline started pumping. My heart racing, with no clue of what it could possibly be. BOOM! Smoke comes out of the box, like a small firework going off. Mom and I both scream, mom throws the box to the ground. Immediately, she calls the police.

Police and the bomb squad is quickly at our door and surrounding the box. While paramedics check us out down the road. Police evacuated the entire neighborhood, we were more in shock than anything.

“Ma’am, do you know of anyone that would try and hurt you?” The young police officer asked. Still in shock, unable to respond, I just shook my head no. Everything in my mind was screaming ‘why would anyone try and hurt us? Where’s mom? I need to find my mother.’ Those thoughts running through my head, all I could do was start screaming for my mom. I can’t figure out why they would try and hold me down, I just want to know where my mom is.

Before I can even realize what’s going on, I am being strapped to a hospital bed. As I continue to scream for my mom, I realize I am suddenly getting drowsy. My eyes begin to get heavy and I start to fall asleep. Everything inside of me saying ‘stay awake. You need to find your mom.’

When I finally wake up, I can’t remember what had happened. All I knew was that my body was very sore, and my mom was nowhere in sight. The sedatives still working, I fall back asleep. The nightmares begin with the day of the explosion. Opening the door to find that brown papered box. The smoke, the screams, the officers. The nightmares are extremely vivid. I wake up screaming for my mom to not pick up the box. We aren’t home though, I am not even real sure where I am anymore. I can hear my mother crying, but my voice isn’t working. I try to find her, but I can’t see. All I can do is feel my way around, reaching for her, trying to get words out.

The day has started all over, the same nightmare. The inability to speak or see. But I can still hear my mother crying, and I still can’t find her. Suddenly, I realize I am no longer in the hospital, surely I am dreaming. But now I can see, I can feel, I can speak. There suddenly seems like there has been no damage to the house at all. It does look different, like it’s been remodeled. I can still see the family pictures. I see us all smiling and laughing in them. That’s something new though. What is that? Why is there a picture of me next to an obituary? That’s my face on that obituary. That’s my birthday, and that’s the day of the accident. What’s happening right now? I am not dead. There’s no way I died. Surely, this is a joke of some sort.

Mom walks into the room, puts her hand on my picture. Tears streaming down her face. I scream out for her, but she can’t hear me.

“Mom, I am right here! Look at me!” I continue to scream for her. She’s just continuing to look at my picture and cry.

“It’s been a year today since you passed away. Mommy will always love you baby.” Tears streaming down her face as she walks away.