The cruelest education is to make children afraid of you.

"Dad, you have done me too much psychological harm! Don't come to me! "

After writing this farewell letter, Xiaohui, a 12-year-old boy, took advantage of the boundless night, put on his schoolbag and left home alone.

Why should a young child take such a step?

It turned out that he lived with his father and was often beaten. On this day, he accidentally broke the TV at home. In order not to be punished, Xiaohui, who had no choice but to leave, had to leave.

When the father came back from home, he panicked when he saw the letter. He couldn't find his son everywhere and called the police.

Fortunately, they finally found Xiaohui at a bus stop, and father and son went home together.

After reading this, I didn't feel particularly distressed about the child.

Just because of an inadvertent mistake, he was forced to run away from home. With such a strong desire for life, how much fear he had in his heart!

I remember that family education expert Liu Fenghua once said:

"the root of a child's behavioral problem is the problem of parent-child relationship."

If a child behaves abnormally, it's a reminder that as parents, it's time to take a look at the relationship with the child.

The sickest parent-child relationship is sustained by fear.

In the field of psychology, there is a "little Albert experiment", also known as "fear generation experiment".

The designer of the experiment was Watson, a famous American psychologist. He first asked an 8-month-old baby to come into contact with mice, rabbits, monkeys, masks, newspapers and other objects. The test results showed that the child did not show fear.

But two months later, Watson made a shrill noise when little Albert came into contact with the objects again.

This action caused the child to cry and flee in a hurry.

The experiment was widely discussed later, and it made it clear that children's fears were becoming more and more widespread and had a heavy cost.

I often hear many parents say that they have to be cruel to their children. If you don't let them be afraid of you, how can they listen to you?

As a result, although they love their children very much, they attack their body and mind with the harshest words and the most ferocious faces.

I clearly hope that my child will get excellent grades and have a bright future, but he has to make a threat that "if you don't do well in the exam, don't go home, or if you lag behind, you will be killed."

Obviously want the child to be healthy and lively, but curse the sick child:

"I've told you a hundred times that wearing clothes is disobedient, and you deserve it."

Obviously want their children to be confident, sunny and talkative, but they can't help but dislike children who don't dare to say hello: "if you don't dare to give a fart to anyone, you will have no future in the future!"

Parents always habitually use "fear" as a bargaining chip to control their children, expecting their children to become an obedient sheep.

However, he ignored that the trembling child had long been unwilling to approach his parents.

Fear will alienate children from their parents, and this pale emotional isolation belt will push both parents and children to the opposite distance.

The precarious parent-child relationship indicates the crisis of family education.

Children who are overwhelmed by fear are already riddled with holes.

How scared can children be of their parents?

One netizen said that he had been bullied by his classmates when he was at school. Although he had been aggrieved, he could only knock out his teeth and swallow in his stomach. He would rather hang out on the road alone with tears, rather than go home and tell his parents.

When he was a child, he accidentally tripped over a stone, and blood gushed out, and the pain made him sweat all over his body, but his mother, who was walking in front of him, stared back. He could only bite his teeth and pat the dust on his knee, pretending that nothing had happened and that his pants were not broken.

He is particularly afraid of his parents, afraid of their strength, irritability and violence.

So he kept lowering his self-esteem and went to get a little sense of security from his parents.

He carefully courted his parents, pretended to be obedient and obedient, and suppressed his needs and will, which became his protective color for survival and training.

He often feels that his parents do not love him and doubt his own worth.

See a sentence:

"A child who is pushed into a deep pit in his childhood may spend his whole life climbing up."

Children's inner world needs to be constantly obtained psychological nutrition in order to build up little by little.

Parents give their children enough sense of security, sense of belonging and support with love, and their world will be clear, fresh and colorful.

On the contrary, if parents destroy their children's sense of security with fear, they will set off rough waves in their hearts and will not be able to usher in peace and stability.

Even the relationship between children and their parents determines their relationship with the outside world.

Children who are afraid of their parents usually have the malady of being afraid of authority. In the face of interpersonal relationships, they are submissive, deliberately ingratiate and self-abased to the bone.

Just like several students in her daughter's class, some are generous and dare to communicate with teachers equally, neither humble nor arrogant, full of confidence.

When you encounter problems when you come home from school, you can also take the initiative to make a video call with your teacher and ask questions.

On the other hand, some children are evasive and reticent in the face of teachers, which is the difference that children show in the face of authority.

Having an equal parent-child relationship is an important part of helping children build courage, self-esteem and self-confidence.

If the parents are always high above and suppress the child, it will make his heart more and more vulnerable, and the child's world will be dim until it falls into darkness.

Parents' respect is the key to a good parent-child relationship.

The world of children is very small, and sometimes a reproach and negation from parents can hang on their hearts for a long time.

Therefore, parents have the responsibility to take good care of their growth.

Parents can do and improve in the following three areas:

1) understand the law of children's growth.

There is a 6-year-old girl in Jiangsu who helped her father at the construction site, but accidentally triggered a nail gun and hit the steel nail into the abdominal cavity.

It was hard to imagine how painful the child was at that time, but she was afraid of being scolded, so she stubbornly hid it. It was not until the evening when I couldn't stand it that I told my parents to send me to the hospital for treatment.

The steel nail, which is only 26MM from the heart, almost killed the child, but still could not resist a scolding from the parents and brought fear to the child.

Love and Freedom says:

"Don't be afraid of children making mistakes. All mistakes are lessons for growing up."

You know, every mistake is a footprint left by a child's growth, and it is the only way of life.

Parents should respect the law of their children's growth and allow their children to embark on their own path in the process of falling and groping.

Don't create fear for your child, because fear is poison, and tolerance and acceptance are the antidote to it.

2) communicate equally with children

Wang Zengqi, a famous writer, once wrote in his book "Father and son become Brothers for many years":

"I think a family full of human feelings must first be 'neither big nor small'. Parents are awe-inspiring, and children's "straight pens" are the least interesting. "

At home, his daughter nicknamed him "the old man", even the little granddaughter called him like that.

And he never got angry, but