The Crazy Chaos of Critical Family Members

From the time I was a kid, I would constantly be dealing with my dad being very critical of everything I did. I realized after I moved out and started my own life and cut my dad out that he was trying to help. But at the same time, he was trying to control me. We eventually had a sit down, heart-to-heart conversation about how we were both wrong and have worked toward a great relationship where we talk constantly and I go to him for advice.

Fast forward to this year when, back in August, my husband, daughter, and I moved back to Michigan from Louisiana and we moved in with my father's mother, my grandmother. We moved in with her because it was a better option then finding a rental or putting all the extra money we had towards a house we don't exactly want. My grandma is 80 and lives by herself as my grandpa died almost ten years ago. She does everything on her own, but it is nice for us to be there so she doesn't have to and she can sit and enjoy herself. I've always loved my grandma; she's always been good to me and loves my husband and daughter so much. But as we've been living with her for a few months now, I realize why my dad doesn't exactly enjoy visiting...

I'm a stay at home mom and student. My focus is my 2-year-old daughter and doing my schooling as well as taking care of anything around the house and running my family. But living with grandma has never made me want a job, just to get out of the house more. Just about everyday there is something that she is complaining about that my daughter is doing. According to her, when my daughter acts up, that it is not how a 2-year-old acts and that she needs to be put on some sort of medication. She also seems to add that her kids, my dad and his two sisters, never acted like this. Now, granted, she hasn't had to deal with a 2-year-old in forty-eight years, so I don't know where she gets that from. Other things she tends to say are, "Hailey, you need to do this," or, "you need to do that," and, "you should be taking better care of her," and so on. The reason this drives me so crazy is that just because I am a first time mom doesn't mean I need people telling me how I should be taking care of my kid or what they think I should be doing. My thing is that if I don't ask for the advice then I don't want your opinion.

Another reason this all drives me crazy is that my daughter does not eat food like you and me. She still only eats pureed baby food or else she gags, and she only likes cookies, chips, and so on. The reason why is a tactile, texture problem, and she doesn't touch certain things. So, we go to an occupational therapist two times a week. Every day she has an improvement, but to my grandma, something is wrong with my daughter and she doesn't understand the situation, and it makes things a lot harder. For one thing, my daughter is not autistic; there is nothing mentally wrong with her, she just doesn't want to eat regular food. She is healthy and is at a healthy weight, though.

It has been hard dealing with it all, because on top of that I suffer from anxiety and depression; the move was extremely stressful, and my husband and I are still working through a lot of issues from living in Louisiana and the move. I haven't really found an outlet to help me, because it can be difficult to get a few moments to myself. But hopefully this writing can help a little. The one thing I do avoid is blowing up on my grandma and my husband because, for one thing, my grandma is housing us while we get our feet, and my husband is my partner and he is just there to listen and help.

Through it all, I am happy where my life is and where it is going and dealing with someone criticizing you can be difficult; but a part of me knows that my grandmother is just trying to help. I just have to look at it from that angle more often.