The Black Notebook

Here it is, the day that I have been dreading for the last 365 days. Today marks the unbearable anniversary of my grandfather’s passing. My final goodbye keeps playing in my head and on repeat. Did I say enough? Did he hear me? I constantly wonder as the beginning of my day creeps in. My grandfather passed away from brain cancer, that terrible disease that has the ability to take your loved ones without a second glimpse. I am not one that is particularly spiritual, in fact I am an atheist. So when I say my final goodbye broke me in ways I’d never imagine possible- it definitely did.

Should I get out of bed? I wonder as the tears begin to make their way down my cheek and onto my pillow. I know that this isn’t what he would've wanted, and I know that he'd want me to continue doing the things I love but how? My thoughts were interrupted by a small black notebook that fell from the top of my closet. My grandfather had given it to me before he passed, and couldn’t emphasize enough on how important it was for me to open the small black notebook on the one year anniversary of his passing.

I get out of my bed to pick up the mysterious notebook and quickly return back to bed. As I open the inside of the notebook, I see a small drawn and colored-in pumpkin. Tears instantly stream down my face as I hug the book to my chest, and I almost instantly feel closer to my grandfather. I was always his “pumpkin” and this is a sign that whatever is in this book is specifically for me and not my family. I continue hugging the notebook while thinking of my grandfather, and my bedroom begins to fade as I am met with an alternate reality.

Suddenly I am standing and surrounded by the most incredible scenery of mountains, trees, animals and everything you can think of that is far and in between. In complete awe, I walk down a little dirt path along a glistening stream while observing all the beauty this dazzling new reality has to offer. “Hey, Pumpkin.”, I freeze. Did I just hear my deceased grandfather’s voice behind me? I slowly turn around and see him. My grandfather that passed away one year ago is now standing in front of me. How? How is this possible? All of these thoughts come racing to my mind as I say “Grandpa!” and hug the person I am still mourning.

After a little while of catching up we head down towards his fishing spot to start fishing. “Pumpkin, I know this is a lot to take in at once. I want to tell you a little backstory about that small black notebook you got there. I was given that notebook by my brother before he passed away, and it has been in our family for centuries. Back in the early 1400’s each family was given a notebook to allow us the ability to visit our loved ones after their passing. Most of these books have been lost and to my knowledge ours is the last to exist- so be careful not to misplace it. Now, there is only one notebook per family. So when your time comes, you dictate what family member gets the notebook. It is very important for you to have that family member wait the full 1 year of your passing before opening the notebook. Anyhow, when you want to visit your loved ones, hug the notebook to your chest and think of your favorite memory with them. When you want to go home, all you do is hug the notebook to your chest and think of your bed. In the back of the notebook there are also names of your ancestors that you can visit to seek guidance. When you visit them, just hug the book and say their name two times in a row. The best part, Pumpkin, is that when you are visiting me or anyone else time freezes at home. So when you go back it’ll be the same time as when you left, as if nothing has happened.” he said matter-of-factly. “Papa, how is this possible? Don’t get me wrong, I love that I get to still see you, but how is it possible? Why do you have to wait a full year?” I ask with curiosity. “Pumpkin, that notebook is kind of like your own little teleport device that takes you straight to Heaven without the passing part. It takes a full year for the notebook to establish a portal to the notebook's previous owner after they have passed away.” he says. “So Heaven is real?” I ask. “Oh yes, but it's different from what is traditionally taught, Heaven is around us all. It’s in the chirping of birds, it’s in the laugher of children and in the kindness of a stranger. Heaven is not a place, but a feeling of pure bliss. When your time comes, you’ll get to decide what your kind of bliss will look like and turn it into a reality. So, welcome to mine.” he says with a heartwarming smile as he reels in $20,000 from the lake. “See? Your bliss can be reality, even if it doesn’t make any sense.” he says as he hands me the money. “Anything you take home from the places you visit will stay with you. I know you want to be a famous artist one day, take the money and further your education so you can get there. I love you, Pumpkin. You’ll get there and when you do, I’ll be right here cheering you on.”. It is at this moment that I know I will be okay, and that I can conquer all of the challenges that life has to offer. With the help of this small black notebook, my grandfather/ancestors and the $20,000 I know I am capable of anything I put my mind to. I kiss my grandfather on the cheek and say goodbye before returning back home with the money he gave me. He is right, anything I take with me from another loved one’s heavenly bliss stays with me. Here I am sitting on my bed with $20k in my hands, yet it feels so unreal.

The first thing I did with the money my grandfather gave me was restock my art supplies; he is a creative man and as a result I love to paint. I went on to enroll into Art School to learn how to draw and further my skill set for painting. I also invested some of it into various stocks so when I am ready, I can buy a building for a gallery of my very own. I have always told my grandfather one day I will be a famous artist, and mark my words- one day I will. He will see.