The biggest trap of family education: parents do everything and children take it for granted.

When watching "Boys up", 9-year-old Zheng Ze left a deep impression on me.

As soon as his sister appeared on the show, she complained that there was something wrong with his ability to take care of himself:

I am already in primary school, but I don't even know how to wipe my ass. Sometimes I would rather hold it for a day at school than go to the toilet.

Because I hope Zheng Ze can take care of himself, my sister will take the initiative to teach, but once my sister is away, my mother will help and take care of everything.

Even the simplest arrangement of clothes, Zheng Ze is not good at it, his sister asked him to do it, his mother will come forward to stop.

In his mother's opinion, Zheng Ze is only 9 years old, and it doesn't matter whether he can take care of himself or not. anyway, he will naturally when he is old, and there is no need to worry too much now. "there are some things we still have to do for him."

Seeing the sunny and handsome Zheng Ze couldn't do anything well, nor did he want to do it, I couldn't help thinking of a sentence from the philosopher Goethe:

"too many parents go to great lengths to make life easier for their children, but in the end they make it harder for their children."

As parents, they always want to give all their love to their children, but ignore that some love will only cause harm to their children.

Parents take care of everything.

Children can't take care of themselves.

I once saw a piece of news:

Teacher Sun found that one of the children in the class could not peel eggs and kindly reminded parents to teach their children more at home and let them learn to take care of themselves.

As a result, the parents disagreed, but felt that the teacher made a fuss, saying that the child must be well-nourished and was only responsible for studying hard.

Most parents always feel that their children are still young, and there is no need to teach if they can do some things for themselves. there is no doubt that they are indulging their children to be less and less able to take care of themselves.

Such a thing is not the only one.

A reporter learned during the interview that two primary school students went to take out the garbage and the garbage bag broke halfway. They messed around for 10 minutes and did not clean up the spilled rubbish. It turned out that they could not even take a broom, let alone how to sweep the floor. How to load garbage into a dustpan.

The Family Committee of a primary school in Changsha jointly decided to ask a housekeeping company to help clean the school every Friday because the children were too young to complete the classroom cleaning work in the school.

Hangzhou Caihe Middle School once held a shoelace-tying competition, but 30% of the students could not tie shoelaces. Many children do not know how to put the shoelace back into the hole of the shoe correctly, and some children directly hold the shoe and ask the teacher for help.

In fact, children can do what they are supposed to do, but under the doting of their parents, they are too lazy to do it.

It is not a good phenomenon for parents to do everything. They are actually depriving their children of the opportunity to learn to take care of themselves.

As educationist Zhu Yongxin said:

Many parents are used to doing everything by themselves, and as a result, they work hard all their lives, in return for the lack of their children's ability to take care of themselves.

Don't think that if parents do this or that for their children, their children will grow up happily. In many cases, the more parents do, the more children take it for granted.

Over a long period of time, children are used to relying on their parents. They always feel that they have their parents' help in everything. When they encounter things, their parents will solve them for themselves.

Slowly, blindly enjoy the "two hands one spread" way of life, children become more and more lazy, the state is more and more negative, and even because they do not know how to take care of themselves, become inferiority complex and sensitive.

Parents take care of everything.

It will only ruin the child's life.

On Zhihu, a netizen complained that her mother had made all the decisions for her under the banner of "for her own good" since childhood.

When I was a child, I went to my grandmother's house and my mother picked out clothes for her. She didn't like it and said she wouldn't wear anything.

However, his mother said, "what do you know about a child? if you don't wear the clothes I choose, don't go to Grandma's house today!"

She had no choice but to cry and put on the clothes chosen by her mother.

Over time, she gradually lost her mind, slowly lost her own ideas, and often felt inferior and miserable because she could not do everything well, and her life became a mess.

Parents force what they think is good on their children, regardless of whether they are willing to accept it or not.

Will only make children lose the right to choose, but also lose their own life.

There is a high achiever son in the neighbor's family. Since he was a child, his parents will make arrangements for all the big and small things.

But since entering high school, life has become more difficult than ever.

I can't eat, I can't wash clothes, I can't make quilts, I don't even know what classes I have every day.

His classmates laughed at him, and gradually his psychological pressure became greater and greater.

In desperation, he had no choice but to drop out of school, and his life had undergone earth-shaking changes.

An excellent child eventually ends up in this situation. In the final analysis, it is because of the parents' sweeping efforts that stifle the child's ability to be independent.

Once you leave your parents' protection, all the problems will show up.

But doing everything for the child in every detail is just another kind of harm to the child in the name of love.

As it says in Adler Psychology:

We should use the right way to cultivate children's independent and confident personality, and the consciousness and ability to cooperate with others, which is the top priority of children's education.

The two children should have different lives, but they ruined their lives because of the doting of their parents.

In fact, parents' love seems sweet and warm, but this kind of poisonous "love" will only become an obstacle to children.

No child will become healthy and happy because his parents do more. On the contrary, when a child has been living in the love of his parents, he is doomed to lose his due self-confidence and optimism and cannot live out the bright future that belongs to him.

The best support for love

Is willing to let go.

Yang Lan, a famous TV host, once said in the program:

The success of being a mother is to let your child leave you successfully. Finally, we have to let go, and finally let him go to his own world and achieve his own life.

Many parents are reluctant to let go because they love their children too much, afraid that their children will not, and that they have not done enough.

And smart parents often know how to do this:

1. Let the children do the little things they can.

Many parents, when it is clear that their children can eat by themselves, are afraid that their children will spill, so they must feed them themselves.

It is obvious that the child can dress himself, but he thinks he is slow, so he must help him with his own hands.

Educator Suhomlinski once warned his parents:

Do not protect children from labor, and do not be afraid of hard cocoons on their hands. Let children know that bread is not easy to come by. This kind of labor is a real joy for children. Through labor, you can not only know the world, but also know yourself.

We parents should let our children do what they can, and their independent personality will be slowly developed in the process of doing these things.

They will feel self-worth in doing things independently, and t