Teen Parenthood

"You're having a baby? Congratulations! You two are going to be such great parents."

I stared at this girl, barely a classmate to me, someone I barely knew well enough to greet in passing when we noticed each other in the hallways. What did she know? How could she say that? Did she know something I didn't? No, it was most definitely a hollow, empty compliment thrown to a couple of teenagers that had messed up. I was being pitied by a stranger. Steeling myself, I bared my clenched teeth into what I hoped resembled a smile and tried to ignore the hot iron bar welling up in my chest.

"Thanks, I sure hope so."

I was seventeen when my daughter was conceived. Having been born and raised in very religious households, my girlfriend at the time essentially had the decision made for her: she would be keeping the baby, and we would be raising it together as married individuals.

As is common, I considered running away. I won't deny it. I was seventeen, I was scared, and I was ready to live with the fact that I was a coward. A scared child has no pride, after all. Well, I went along with things as they sped past as a blur. Sex reveal party, ultrasounds, feeling the baby kick. It all felt surreal, and sometimes I convinced myself that it wasn't really happening, that my life wasn't actually over.

That all changed the first time I held her: it had been a frightening labor, (though more painful for some than others), and as hard as the midwives insisted that I leave, that I look away, I couldn't. There was no peeling my gaze from this. I hadn't realized how much I cared, how much this had really sunk in, and how much it meant to me until just now.

There she was.

Looking back, she probably appeared as a wailing chunk of flesh covered in blood. I didn't even see it. She was perfect. I'm not even ashamed to admit that I cried when I held her. I then promised that child that I would never leave her.

...or her mother. To our credit, we tried on and off for nearly two years in total; it didn't matter. We just didn't love each other. It happens, guys.

Sometimes I can't help but think that if we hadn't driven each other so crazy trying to make an unworkable situation work, perhaps we would have left each other on better terms. Although we never did get married, we were engaged and I do still wear a ring on that hand. I feel somewhat naked without it.

As hard as we tried to prevent it, our daughter has grown up in a broken home. Mommy and Daddy only ever speak at the door, and until recently, the inconsistent schedule had the poor girl never knowing when she would see Mom and when she'd stay with Dad.

This is the reality of teen parenthood. If you're a young guy, or a soon to be mother, you're absolutely right to be terrified: every decision you make from now on will have heavy effects on a child's life, and I'm not exaggerating when I say every decision. How you look at your baby will affect how your child perceives you, how you interact with baby will shape its earliest seeds of personality, eventually growing into something out of your control.

More than anything, your child looks to you for security and a sense of normalcy. Setting the firmest foundation you can is essential. I'll keep it short and simple, but here are six things I suggest doing as a parent, as well as why:

1. Decide who will work and who will stay with the baby. If the parents plan to stay together, it's best to set out the roles and responsibilities in the relationship early on and get used to very little sleep.

2. Confirm and take advantage of supports. If you're fortunate enough to have a supportive family or close, trusted friends, make sure you take them up on their offers to help out once in awhile. It'll give you a short break, and being around other people will help to develop your child's sense of independence from an early age.

3. Your life is only maintained on your time. Your child is a complete dependent; that means they look to you for every detail of their day. They need to get used to you being around. (Trust me, you'll miss this one day.)

4. Keep it friendly with your counter-part. It doesn't matter how much she sucks or how wrong he is. Keep it civil between Mom and Dad, especially in front of baby.

5. Keep dating out of it. Unless you're in a serious, long-term relationship, my recommendation is to leave your love-life out of the child's line of sight. I had personally chosen not to date at all until my daughter was older for one simple reason: Seeing Daddy with new women, even just from time to time, is most likely going to confuse her. I suggest leaving it for later, when your child has a sturdy foundation, and is confident with her place in the world.

6. Be patient. Spend time with the baby. Teach the baby. Play with the baby. Keep in mind that the tiny little munchkin in front of you is new to the world, and has no common sense. Although it might be your responsibility to raise the ankle-biter, the longer you do this, you might come to realize, (as I have), that this time won't last forever. Not everyone may share my opinion, but I consider every moment with my daughter a privilege, good or bad.

Most parents probably don't want to face the reality, but it's as easy as this: Teenagers like to have sex. As hard as we try to prepare the younger generations for practicing safety, there's just no way to prevent every teen pregnancy. Statistically, even if they keep the child, the chance that they'll stay together is slim. Parents, understand that now more than ever your child needs your support. Show them what you did, explain why, and let them take over from there. It's a stressful time, but rewarding in the end. Let it bring you all closer together.

That's it for me today. Thanks as always for reading! My goal is to reach people that have gone/are going through experiences that I've encountered in my own life, hopefully I'll help someone out one of these days!

Until next time guys.