I knew from the start, I had to fight for my sister.
My parents got divorced when I was 18 months old so I never met my real father until I was about 30 years old. My step dad raised me and I have always considered him my dad now and til I die. However, I did have 3 sisters out in this world that I had never met until I was 30 also. You see to meet them, I had to meet him... so the search for my biological father began. It didn't take long to track him down either. He basically lived 2 counties over and it wasn't that I was so interested in him as I was in meeting my sisters. My father Calvin had 4 daughters all by different mothers, my mother being his 3rd wife. My sister Beverly is the oldest, then Renee, me, and then there is a 4th named Brandy but we have never met her and not sure if she knows or wants to know who her biological father is and that is how we have left it. Maybe someday she will find out the truth or doesn't care one way or another and that's fine too. But for me I needed to know my siblings and that I did.
Growing up in a dysfunctional household puts you at a risk for not having a very close relationship with siblings. It is shown that many siblings that come from abusive and dysfunctional homes do not have good relationships as adults and continue the abuse they were subjected to as kids through adulthood. Sisters and brothers are often made to compete for love and attention in a dysfunctional house as well as many are turned against each other by the narcissistic or abusive parent. Some of these children actually take on the role of the abuser in their adult life. These siblings are not in any way what a bond between siblings should be. They do not want the best for you and will do such horrendous things to damage you, they can and will try to destroy every asset of your life.
I was on Facebook a year ago and I came across this post from a lady that was starting a GoFundMe page and the post was saying that this family had lost their home from a fire. Well I clicked on the lady's profile and she had a video of her going through her home explaining each room. I wasn't into the video but for 10 seconds and I was in tears. What tugged at my heart was this family picture at the end of the hall. It was kind of scary. It was like the fire didn't touch that part of the house. The family was starting completely over from the ground up. I heard that they were living in a motel, and then they stayed with friends.
"Wow! You started all over, didn't you?!" That's something I hear often when people ask me how old my kids are. My daughters are 15, 13, two-and-a-half, and one. I really did space them out, didn't I? I was a very young mom when I had my first two babies. It was tough but I wouldn't trade them for anything. Things didn't work out with their father and years later I found myself with the man of my dreams, the man I deserved.
Everyone has dreams, no matter how big and outrageous they may be. Yet some people have dreams that are simple and not as far fetched as some. That’s me and my sister Faith. I want to be the greatest African American female dancer in the states. And my sister; she just wants to publish one of her stories. Faith has always been the one to reach for something that wasn’t as far away from her reach. But I, I wanted things I know I couldn’t have. I had dreams that not even the greatest people dreamt of. I wanted to conquer all. But Faith wasn’t as ambitious as me, despite us being identical twins.
So, let me start out by telling you that I am an identical twin. This means my sister and I were born on the same day and are the same age, with approx. 5 minutes in the difference. We may look alike, but we have two very different personalities. Growing up, people often expected us to be the same, both inside and out. It is even more difficult as a twin to establish your individuality when your sibling looks identical to you. Being born with an identical twin is both a blessing and a curse, but either way - I wouldn’t change it for the world! I was born with my best friend and partner in crime by my side. In a world where many people often feel alone or misunderstood, I have someone who seems to know me better than I know myself. Growing up alongside someone the same age makes the awkward stages of more tolerable. Having someone who was going through similar things as me, at the same time, helped me to feel less alone.
When I was four years old, about the time any other kid would be bragging about being four and a half, I was told by my parents that my mother was pregnant, I knew what this was because my cat had already had two litters and my parents were always honest with me. I was, unlike many of my friends who had siblings, excited.
I had a moment with my almost three year old grandson yesterday.
I am not an individual. True, I think in singular, learn in singular, speak in singular and do in singular. But I am not an individual. No, to the outside world I am a part of a whole. For the first eighteen years of my life I existed only in conjunction with my other half, my twin brother. He came into the world four minutes before me (a fact that feels more significant than perhaps it should) and our shared acclimation to the world and to our family has given rise to one of the most complex relationships I have yet to experience. He’s both the person I’m most connected to and the bane of my existence. But aren’t those just two sides of the same coin?
The oldest children in families often have shared experiences about what it's like being the oldest child. Very often, they may say things like "Well, our kid brother/sister got away with stuff mom/dad would never let me get away with." Very often, it is said in jest or treated as just unimportant complaining.