Under my bed, there is a box. Though most people have boxes under their beds, those boxes usually have forgotten toys, clothing, or other unimportant articles which would be just as well in the trash as they are under the bed. But the box under my bed is filled with some of the most important things to me. When opened, one will find colorful cards for about every occasion inside. Most people wouldn’t think twice about those cards. They are just pieces of paper with forced greetings on the front and a short "personal" message inside. For most, those things would be easily thrown away shortly after being received, but the cards within this box hold the most important thing in the world to me. The words of a father I never got the chance to grow up with.
It took us a year to get pregnant when we decided to try for another child. We were on the verge of speaking to our doctor about fertility treatments when the test came back positive.
I've been signed up to this site for about two weeks and have wanted to start writing articles, but couldn't find anything good to write about. Then on the 31st October 2017, it hit me. My first article will be about one of the worst days of my life and how this holiday is a part of that.
The year grandma passed away was the roughest. Following right after that was your divorce and the addiction you struggled with for many years. But for the loss of your mom, I knew a part of you had gone away forever. Although things had drastically changed, you always kept your spirits up and gave me everything I could ever want. You had been struggling with your own demons but you always pushed them aside to make sure I got the childhood I deserved. You would never show me that we were struggling and you did such a great job, I had no idea that things were going downhill so fast.
You didn't know me, and I didn't know you. We were merely strangers that shared DNA. The saying blood runs deep is both true and yet, a lie. You see, I will never live without you, even though I did live without you. I will never forget you, though from day to day, you were like a whisper rather than an actual presence in my life.
It’s been almost three years since you decided to leave us for greener pastures. I still don't understand why you felt that was the only way to fix things. I thought that you were happy and finally able to cope with your pain and longings to be somewhere else but it would appear that I was wrong.
Warning: May be hard to read if you've lost a loved one. It was certainly hard to write.
I grew up in a home that was far from perfect. My brother and I were both adopted after my mom found out she couldn't have any more children.
I can't tell you in words how this feels. I feel as if my body had placed a war against me and I've lost. I feel as if I'm sitting back eating popcorn as a small massacre is going on within my uterus. I feel vulnerable. I feel like a puzzle that has lost a piece of herself. I feel as if I've been thrown into a lion's den covered in meat. I feel like my own body has abandoned me.
Sometimes I wonder if it was suicide, a way out of misery. A life left alone, old and frail, a life where if no friends were available for fun then life wasn't worth anything. He seemed so confused about what was the right thing that the bad things were hidden in the obvious. We all knew he had a problem but we couldn't talk about it. It hurt too much.
For those of you that haven't lost a parent, I envy you. I sincerely do. I don't care if you don't like them or if you don't get along with them or whatever, I am so very jealous of you. My dad died on February 18, 2017 and I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember crying hysterically and feeling like I wasn't able to breathe. I remember feeling not sad, but just... utterly devastated about what just happened. But most of all, I remember feeling numb. Completely numb. This month marks 8 months since he left us and I still feel like it just happened yesterday.
It is real easy to take someone for granted while they are still around. Even though we may take our loved ones for granted, most of the time it isn't intentional. There are plenty of everyday things that seem minor on a regular day, but looking back they could mean the world to someone reflecting back. It's not that you didn't care, it was just the norm. The sad reality is sometimes it takes someone being gone for you to notice and appreciate some of the things they have done for you.