Struggles of A Mom

I became a mom at a young age, 17 to be exact. I ended up getting pregnant with my first-born halfway through my senior year with a guy I should not have even given the time of day to. He did not go to school with me and there should have been no reason for us to have ever known each other. But somehow we crossed paths and decided to see what would happen.

After a few months, I had noticed some changes but just chalked it up to me having long practices, the guy making me stress, and trying to balance school and friends. I ended up being pregnant. So at 17, after I graduated high school, I gave birth to a girl. Two months later I turned 18 and started my adventure at college. I had very supportive parents but they also did not want to sugar-coat how life would be with me being as young as I was, with a newborn, trying to succeed at college, and also working. I knew it would be hard but it was harder than I realized.

There would be nights with no sleep, either from doing homework or my baby having a very restless night. There would be long days where I would have classes from 8 am until 2 pm and then working form 3 pm until 10 or 11 pm. My parents also wanted me to still do stuff with my friends. So on the days I did not feel so guilty leaving my child, I would go and hang out with them for a few hours. I would feel guilty for making my parents watch my child while I went out and had fun.

I later realized that I had a touch of PPD. I did not want anyone to have to take care of her, except me. I would not accept help from anyone. I would hold her and not let anyone take her. I was not in the right mindset and I think my parents knew that. So they did whatever they could to get me out of the house and still act like the kid I was.

The whole time all these things are going on, I have no ide what I want to major in for college. I had wanted to move off and go to a big university somewhere, but instead I chose to go to a local community college. No idea what I wanted to do. All I was trying to do was pass whatever class they put me in, work, go home, and repeat the same process the next day. In all of that, I also met my now husband. A year after being together, I ended up pregnant again. This made 2 under 2. Or pretty close to it. My oldest daughter turned 2 a month before I gave birth to another girl.

After having my second, I realized that things were about to get more complicated. I had to find a way to show my kids and husband attention. I had to make sure that bottles, sippy cups, and dishes were clean. I had to figure out the best things for me to eat since I had wanted to try BF and my supply was not what I wanted it to be. I had to make sure that my house was somewhat acceptable incase anyone just wanted to pop in to see me and the new baby.

So, I had 2 kids by the time I was 20. Still no idea what I wanted to do for my career. I was and still am trying to maintain my house and my sanity. I was working minimum wage jobs because they were the best ones to work with me on my school schedule and also if one of my girls got sick. Finding jobs around my area who work remotely or work with little kids are basically nonexistent. I have to either choose between a job that makes more money but will limit or cut out the time I have with my kids or a job that barely makes enough but I am home with my kids almost every weekend and able to be home to see them off to bed. Another thing I have had to worry about when looking for jobs is who is going to let me leave early or take the day off if one of my kids gets sick? There is no one else besides me and my husband who can pick them up from daycare since everyone we know does not work close to their daycare or can not take of work. And I would much rather leave work early because his paycheck is twice or three times as much as mine is. And I would feel extremely guilty making someone else take off work just to pick up my sick kid.

So being a mother is hard. It's been a struggle for the past five years to find something that I want to do for my career and a job that would help and support me. It has been a struggle to get in some sort of system to maintain house and show attention. However much of a struggle it is, I would not change my life. I love being a mother no matter what stress it brings and I know it will not always be so stressful.