Should Children Be Praised?

Praise enhances motivation and perseverance and improves behavior when it is sincere.

Most parents feel a natural desire to praise their children. But there appears to be a debate about praising children, particularly on social media, as some views hold that praising children will make them over-reliant on checking others’ impressions and ultimately reduce their internal motivation to engage in the behavior they are being praised for.

According to a report published by Psychology Today, there is an effective way to encourage children and improve the parent-child relationship, taking into account not to make children excessively dependent on the impressions of others and a lack of internal motivation.

Positive effect:

Research indicates that praise generally has a positive effect on children, with praise associated with improved academic performance, increased intrinsic motivation to engage in pleasant and helpful behavior, and enhanced social competence. Praise is also associated with increased release of a substance in an area of the child's brain associated with empathy, conscientiousness, and openness. Finally, praise is a core tenet of positive parenting, as defined in scientific research, and is an essential part of most evidence-based parenting programs.

Research has found that how a child is praised is important and that there are some types of praise that can be better than others. Here are 7 evidence-based tips for effectively praising kids:

1. Praise the actions, not the person:

Praise your child's efforts, strategy, and achievement, rather than attributes he cannot change easily (such as intelligence, athleticism, or beauty). Research has found that this type of "process praise" enhances children's internal motivation and perseverance in the face of a challenge. "Praise the person" (i.e. praising the attributes associated with the person) makes the child focus more on his or her mistakes and give up more easily and blame themselves.

2. Supportive praise:

Research indicates that praise should support a child's independence and encourage self-judgment. For example, for the dad or mom to say, “Looks like you really enjoyed that goal,” instead of saying, "I'm so happy when you scored."

3. Avoid comparison with others:

When praise is used to compare a child to others, it boosts performance in the short term. But in the long run, this practice may relate to individuals who judge their performance only in relation to others rather than achieving or enjoying their own goals themselves. It is important to note that these findings may not apply to individuals from collective cultures.

4. Personalization not generalization:

Research findings reveal that praising specific information helps children learn how to improve their behavior in the future. For example, the phrase “You have to put your toys back in the basket or box when you are done using them” helps children learn specific expectations.

If the parents simply say "nice job" after the child has rearranged his toys, he may not know what the phrase refers to. It should also be noted that a recent study found that general and ambiguous praise can make children view themselves more negatively. The main idea behind avoiding this kind of public praise is that it may not give children an idea of ​​how to improve in the future.

5. Use gestures:

Research also suggests that parents can use gestures (such as pointing thumbs up) to encourage their children occasionally. Research has found that gestures can really be very effective in improving children's self-evaluation, which is their judgment of how they are performing and how they feel about it.

6. Be honest:

Research indicates that when children feel that their parents are either exaggerating or under-praising, they are more likely to develop depression and lower academic performance. Meanwhile, research has revealed that excessive praise (such as a parent saying, "This is the most beautiful drawing I've ever seen") is associated with the development of children's self-esteem, avoidance of challenges, and an overreliance on praise.

7. Praise and positive attention:

Praise plus positive attention or a positive nonverbal response (a hug, a smile, a pat, or another type of physical affection) appears to be most effective in improving children's behavior.

But it is important to note that parents do not have to follow all these rules perfectly. For example, research has revealed that as long as most of the praise children hear (at least three times out of four) is practical praise, children show increased perseverance and improved self-evaluation.