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Short Story

Adult Stuff

By Rosaria MulengaPublished 4 years ago 5 min read
2
Short Story
Photo by Michael Kucharski on Unsplash

Not everyone is meant for you, not everything is for you and sometimes even if you are not for yourself. Not when you feel the world on your shoulders. I knew who you were, but even at five I couldn’t touch you, I couldn’t be with you like I wanted. Unaware of the reasons why, oblivious of what you were to me. I was filled with ecstasy when you rang the house phone, I told her that you were trapped inside, and we needed to rescue you. How naïve was I? You laughed and said you missed me, I didn’t understand. And why would I when I was so young? When all my questions were greeted with the words “Your brain won’t understand adult stuff” and with that I was silenced.

I was robbed of my innocence, you lost me that very same night. You lost me to a world of questions that no one would answer. A world where I had only faith to lean on. Neither you nor them would help understand and overcome my fears. I still didn’t understand why. As I laid there confused and dishonored. The thin blanket that spread on top of my scarred body; the silence that surrounded me as I stared at the ceiling in the darkness of the night, I didn’t think about you. But I should have. You should have heard my struggle underneath him, you should have bumped into him on your way to the bathroom, stopping him from laying his hands on me. But you were so far.

I told my sister, she was there in the same room that very night. She offered herself so he wouldn’t touch me. You didn’t know that, did you? That’s why she hates me now. She was the same age as me, but she understood the “adult stuff” much more than I did. She didn’t need someone to explain it to her, she didn’t even bat an eyelid, she didn’t even tell me. And now I'm seventeen, I've hurt her. I look at her laying on a single bed just like mine right next to me as tears fall down her face. I don’t know what to say. How do I apologise when I don't know? How can I take back what was done to her, what was done to me? I still didn’t understand then.

You probably heard us, as a matter of fact I know. Because that Sunday afternoon you yelled at me for doing what everyone else does. For giving myself away when I shouldn’t have. But you got it wrong, I didn’t think I was “Too grown”, I didn’t think of how it would make me feel, I wasn't even thinking. If you had asked me you would know that it tore me apart in more ways than one. I despised myself for so long. That was the day that I changed completely. You may have lost me when I was seven, but I lost myself when I was seventeen.

But that didn’t stop you from bringing them around. You picked the bad apples, the ones that were always searching for things they can never have. And I’m always the target. I told you this, now you’re alone. I ponder on the thoughts of what could have been, if I had not spoken, If I had remained silent. Would you still be where you are now or would we be in a more dire position. I know you try and pretend that it doesn’t bother you. And I understand why, really I do. You’ve lost everything you thought you would have, you’ve given yourself to others so many times that you don’t even recognise yourself. But I stood by you and will continue to stand by you.

It’s always been that way for you. You give but nothing ever comes back. You would take the clothes of your back just to make sure they’re dressed. You’d starve yourself just to make sure they’ve eaten. Even now, you’re tired, I can tell. It’s been going on for too long. But it just won’t stop. And now they need you more than ever. And I understand, really, I do. But I need you too. You’ve been a mother, father, uncle, Aunt, sister, brother and friend. But you haven’t been mine.

At last I found you, above the oceans and over the mountains. You made me forget, even after I told you. The anger in your eyes made me shiver, the tears on your face made me wonder, if I did something wrong again. But we got over that, we ignored it just like everything else. Storing it in the deepest parts of ourselves until someone pushes that very button we’ve been trying to hide for so long. Sooner or later things have to change. The dirt has been building up for too long; we’ve left the tap running and now it’s overflowed. We have allowed the pressure to build up for too long, there’s too much for us to bury and one day it will explode; we will implode.

We didn’t prepare ourselves for what was about to come. Neither you nor I realised the pain that was going to indulge itself in our lives. Eventually, it did. We lost the very thing keeping us united, not just me and you, but the family. And I am not blaming you, I never have and never will. I just wanted you to know that I finally understand “adult stuff”. It’s not about you or me, it’s about them and what we can do to maintain and sustain balance. I understand that I had to lose you in order to find you. Now I’m twenty and my life has only just begun. It was now that I realised, you are mine, you are my Mother. The only difference is, I don’t need you like they do.

fact or fiction
2

About the Creator

Rosaria Mulenga

Hi guys welcome to my page. For so long I have been procrastinating on publishing and releasing my work for others to read. This was because I lacked confidence in my work, so this is me trying to be confident in my skills.

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