Psychology.

A neighbor's aunt is a person of high moral character who has been praised by our neighbors.

She will tell her mother-in-law what she wants to buy and what she needs to do at home recently.

In Auntie's heart, she treats her mother-in-law as her second mother and is kind to her, and when the couple is in conflict, she is the first to go to her mother-in-law and cry.

Usually, this transparent relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should be a harmonious and happy result, however, the aunt's mother-in-law never treated her like her own daughter, on the contrary, every time she saw her aunt always had a nonchalant attitude.

Auntie is so filial, but she still fails to get a satisfactory result. The Chinese mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship has been a constant topic for thousands of years, and everyone is looking for a way to balance the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

I. Intermittent reinforcement effect on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and its definition

(01) The "intermittent reinforcement effect" in psychology refers to a person or a thing that is occasionally or intermittently reinforced to varying degrees by the behavior that occurs in a particular environment.

When a person feels hungry, you give him a piece of bread, he solves his hunger, he will think that you are a very good and kind person.

When he has finished digesting the bread, you do not have any more actions, and when he feels hungry again, you give bread again, then the good feeling in his heart towards you will remain in the same state.

But if the other party has solved the problem of hunger after eating bread, and you are still giving him bread continuously, which for him, their weight increased, he will not think you are kind, will only think that you are superfluous.

(02), the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is such that, although maintaining a nominal mother-daughter relationship, because of the blood gap, no matter how close, is a kind of will have an insurmountable distance.

When you first open your heart to your mother-in-law, she will feel that you are trusting her, thus allowing the inner sense of identity to be realized, however, human behavior carries a habitual effect, with the first time, there will be a second, third and even more unconsciously.

The other person's inner sense of identity has been achieved to a certain extent, while you keep this state in a period of over saturation, resulting in a relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that not only does not show any signs of progress, but begins to regress.

The "intermittent reinforcement effect" allows certain reinforces to be given with uncertainty, and you don't give them out every time, or even you never give them out, but only occasionally.

At this point, the strength of trust in the other person's heart about you decreases at a very slow rate, thus keeping the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law at a steady level.

Second, the truest expression of human nature lies in the fact that tolerance also has a choice of the other party's object

The couple lived with their mother-in-law, and every time they had a meal, she was the only one in the kitchen, and when she brought out the food, her mother-in-law was disgusted by the salty food and the raw rice, and she justifiably accused others of doing nothing.

Since her husband is a typical mama boy, he still chooses to ignore his mother's practices even though he knows they are excessive.

Before marrying Lou Yaqui, Shen Kari was also a girl whose fingers did not touch the spring water. She was also a little girl who was loved by her family when she was in her mother's house, and she could vent freely when she was happy or unhappy because she knew her mother would love her and tolerate her.

However, when she arrived at her in-laws' house, Shen Kari learned to cook, learned to please her mother-in-law, and was so careful but still not well received by her mother-in-law.

The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is no longer close, but also can not break through the barrier of blood relations, so even if two people have a nominal mother-daughter relationship, she can not be as infinitely tolerant of you as her daughter.

Third, the best way to get along between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to produce beauty from a distance

Many women have high expectations of their mothers-in-law after marriage, believing that the theorem of "not a family, not a door" will make them treat their mothers-in-law like their own daughters, but those mother-in-law-daughter-in-law conflicts in life are nothing more than their expectations of each other being too high.

In essence, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is more like family, the love of two women for the same man, the former is the love of a mother for her son, the latter is the love of a wife for her husband, under such a layer of relationship, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a "community of interest" with the husband as the benchmark.

Marriage is a matter of two people, not two families, and the result of marriage is a business between husband and wife and has nothing to do with anyone else.

So, when you look at this level of things, you will not have high expectations of your mother-in-law.

The mother-in-law stands as an elder, and as a junior, and the daughter-in-law must do her filial duty, but there is no need to compare what the other party is doing with her mother.

The famous host Meg Fri once said, "The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is to know how to keep a distance from your mother-in-law."

Because the distance between people is too close to each others is often a trigger for conflicts to arise. The ultimate direction of marriage is in your own hands, so learn to take the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lightly, without having to be overly concerned or overly aggressive.