Progress with Autism

One of the hardest, best, and most rewarding blessings in my life has been raising a son with autism. I have gained six years of irreplaceable knowledge from him. He is my light, joy, and heart.

Every day his beautiful soul teaches me something new or makes me reflect on my own behaviors and mannerisms. Through him, I am becoming a better person and growing in many areas.

One of the hardest aspects of autism, is that no child who has autism, is the same as any other. There is no neat little box to place these children in, there are no definitive answers, all the support and parent groups can offer is suggestions of what has worked for them, with their child. You take that information and then tweak it to fit your child and pray it will help them.

With that being said, I believe I have found, one steadfast; never changing piece of advice to anyone interacting with an autistic child.

Base progress off the child, and the goals set out for them. Do not compare them to other autistic children, or children of the same age.

My son’s father and I are often at odds over this very aspect. Dad and I have two vastly different trains of thought when we look at Collin and how he is progressing. Let me say right now, Collin’s dad is not a bad person, nor do I tend to be negative towards him here. I am hoping to maybe assist another family facing similar struggles.

Collin’s dad tends to have significant feelings of guilt regarding the fact our son has autism. He is a knowledgeable individual, and is aware on a logical scale, there is nothing he did or did not do to cause this, but on the emotional scale he takes it on his shoulders. Struggling with that guilt is not easy, and, in this instance has led to anxiety regarding Collin’s abilities and future. He frets over things such as Collin does not write independently yet or read on his own. There is frustration due to Collin not being able to follow multi-step requests, the most he can follow is two-step instruction. Concern over having to come to the school to pick Collin up when he is having and extended melt down. All valid concerns, but here I suggested to him to look back at the last eight weeks and see where Collin is now, from then.

I have learned, staying home with Collin, that for my sanity and his it is best to take a deep breath and re-approach. Collin does best, when dealt with in a calm manner, if there is frustration, anger, or irritation in your voice he gets negative feedback from it and will escalate in his behaviors. This escalation could be screaming, biting, hitting, pulling hair, scratching, or all of it together. The more the adult escalates with him, the more Collin escalates.

When we work on at home schoolwork, I break it into work periods of five to ten minutes. If I try to push it beyond that time frame, I lose all benefit of what I am trying to teach. As much as possible I do my best to make it fun, or like a game.

Eight weeks ago, Collin was not writing on his own, would not hold a crayon, marker, or pencil. We noticed he enjoyed chalkboards, we bought one for our house from the dollar store. Initially we started with him asking us to draw different things, then he would request letters or numbers, then it was, if I write it, you need to write it. Now he holds any writing utensil you give to him; he writes his own name in cards for special occasions, and he gives less push back when doing his worksheets from school. The progress he has made is astounding and not something to look down on, because he is not at the same place as other six-year-olds. It is a difficult mindset to learn. Progress is there, it may not be at the level you would like to see as a concerned parent.

Collin was not able to read site words eight weeks ago. With different programs his teachers use, and a lot of YouTube videos on our part, we have been able to play different songs that teach the sounds of letters and words that go with them. Collin has a wonderful relationship with music, so if you can put it in song of some sort, he is more likely to remember it. Currently he has worked his way to knowing 20 site words. Again, phenomenal growth.

When it comes to directions with Collin, I must make sure I have his attention. Generally, what I will do, is lightly tap him on the cheek, and ask him, I stress the asking here, to look in my eyes. Then I will use a regular verbal pace and let him know what I need him to do. Usually, he will comply, and we have been working of three and four step directions recently. I must give strong praise to his teachers here too because they are an amazing team.

I have found with Collin, when I give him the opportunity to have control of a situation, he is more likely to go along with it. Of course, this does not work with all situations, but I have had to really work on this aspect. Many times, people do not understand why a parent is “negotiating” with their child, often, it is not so much “negotiating” as giving them a sense of voice. Again, this is not an across-the-board option, there are limitations and that will depend on you and your child.

Collin’s dad and I have discussed our different patterns of thought, there is agreement to work on not comparing him, but it is a hard shift to make. That is where growth as a parent comes in. We have also discussed the obvious route of Collin is also in kindergarten and it is too early to know where he will be as a young adult. We have also made sure we teach him basics of gardening, cooking, laundry, and other everyday routines. I believe in preparing him for his future too.

The above examples are reasons why to look at the child specifically, and if they are on track to meet their goals. To look at their progress and see how they have grown and praise them for their hard work. It is a tough job, but we all can do it.