Potato Head, Toy Story, and Muppets: stop sexing childhood

I remember reading a while ago about a long running daytime tv controversy that had mothers clutching pearls and fathers popping monocles everywhere: ARE BERT AND ERNIE GAY?! Can you imagine the generations damaged by this torrid tale of muppet sexuality being slid under our wall of child protectionism?

Regarding this, Sesame Street initially confirmed that Bert and Ernie were ‘just friends’ with an apocryphal quote attributed to Frank Oz that ‘They’re muppets, and muppets don’t have sex’ (although I think the muppet babies, and Kermit and Miss Piggy may disagree). This caused so much disappointment within the LGBTQ+ community that Frank Oz rightly shifted this stance saying:

‘If Jim and I had created Bert and Ernie as gay characters they would be inauthentic coming from two straight men. However, I have now learned that many view them as representative of a loving gay relationship. And that's pretty wonderful. Thanks for helping me understand.’

The perfect response I think: what happens on Sesame Street stays on Sesame Street, and they can be whatever you need them to be.

And so we come to Potato Head. As I write this, firstly Hasbro said they were dropping the ‘Mr’. Then they clarified that one could still buy a Mr or Mrs Potato Head, but also that Potato Head would be available too. So far, so fudged. Online warriors are bravely attacking their keyboards to defend the innocence of the children they don’t have. Potatoes should be clearly defined and gendered. You know these guys buy a King Edward over a Maris Piper because it’s less fragile.

Personally I don’t especially care what it’s called. As my two year old said to me this morning, ‘Come on daddy, find tayto’. The ignorant bugger can’t even be bothered to misgender at 6am. And that’s fine, because, to paraphrase Woody in Toy Story, IT. IS. A. TOYYYYYYY!

The reason I’m writing this is because of Toy Story. As you may have gathered child three is very much into his Toy Stories (apart from number 4 because he is a child of good taste), so I know these pretty much inside out now, the fourth time around (I’m including my childhood; my son plays with a 25 year old tayto head).

The only Potato Head that is gendered in the Toy Stories as a matter of course is Mrs Potato Head. The fact that she has a secondary role and is defined by her partner is another issue altogether, and one probably deserving of an exploration along with Barbie’s treatment throughout. The patriarchy, as it is everywhere, is strong within the world of toys.

In all Toy Stories Mr Potato Head is only ever referred to as ‘Potato Head’ (hence the tayto head in my house). The Mr is absent at all times. So, why the anger? Calling Potato Head ‘Potato Head’ is quite literally cannon now, and that should really be something the internet can embrace fully. Unless you can dig up some niche Potato Head origin story to blow me out of the water, I am very confident that Toy Story is cannon for all the toys.

It is important that toys are able to represent empowerment for all, be accessible for all, and be free to be played with by anyone. If we start imposing adult influences on the way toys ‘must’ be played with then they are now aimed at an adult audience and so they begin to lose their relationship with the children they are meant to be made for. This is also true of Toy Story 4.

Kids don’t care about the Mr in front of Potato Head. They don’t care about who’s ‘supposed’ to play with Barbie. They don’t care about whether Bert and Ernie are gay. Until they do care, and they see these childhood playthings as a means of comfort. Potato head can be whatever gender you wish, or no gender at all (which is personally how I like my potatoes); Barbie can help anyone explore fashion and the beauty of collection; and for those wondering about how they fit into a world that is not always very accepting, Bert and Ernie are a pretty beautiful example of love without boundaries. If you have a problem with that then I’m afraid the problem lies only with you.