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Parents Be More Aware

What's Behind The Doors of Childhood

By Briahna CunninghamPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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Hand-me downs were my friend. There was nothing wrong with that because at five years old I new my parents couldn't afford brand new clothes and toys. Fortunately, I was a child that appreciated everything and asked for nothing. I grew up that way of being nice, but, maybe I was a little too nice.

There were problems at home. I would wake up early and get ready for school, because I LOVED school. It was my escape from home. Little did I know I put a smile on my face every day and no one knew. No one noticed I was in pain. It's funny when I think back to all those years, being as happy as I may have seemed, no one liked me.

I had no friends, I was isolated at the lunch table, and bullied by the ones who called me a "friend". Elementary school is where it began. School was my escape until the guidance counselor's office became my safe place. All these kids around me cared about being popular that they would pick on the few odd balls there were. Yeah, I was weird. You want to know how? I smiled too much and too nice to teachers becoming the teacher's pet. What us adults call it now is a kiss ass. I tried to make friends every day by doing favors, homework, letting them cheat off me, giving them my lunch, ANYTHING so they would like me.

Story time, so the first time I ever thought of hurting myself was in Elementary School. We had a substitute teacher for one of my favorite teachers. He sucked I'm not going to lie. The class showed out and he couldn't maintain them. He tried to teach while they cut up and threw paper and talked loudly. I tried to pay attention to the sub but he gave up in the end. They went on and on showing out until I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and asked the class to be quiet and listen. Listen to the teacher, stop throwing paper balls and airplanes. Do you know what happened then? You probably guessed it. The paper was thrown at me. The name calling started coming from every part of the classroom. All 25 students were focused on me. I snapped. I grabbed the largest pair of scissors I could find. This bullying had to end. The fake smiles and loneliness just HAD TO END. By the time the scissors had reached my stomach 5 people including the sub pried the scissors out of my hand and I was sent to the Principals Office. No one was concerned about what had happened in class or what drove me to that. I was punished for my 'behavior'. My parents wanted to send me to therapy at 9 years old. (By the way the were divorced at this time. Saving that for a juicy story).

Middle School only got worse. Every day I would make an excuse just to leave class. The guidance counselor was my only friend. Because she listened, she spoke to me, took the time she had for me. That's her job. Still isolated at the lunch table and no one wanted to sit next to me in class so guess where I sat. I was in the back of the class alone.

I got punched for the first time here. In the hallway by this girl, my so called friend got mad at me for showing my face. I had so many other females that would be nice to me, tell me I was pretty and big me up you know. All of the acting just to go behind my back. Rumors started by them calling me a whore. I was a virgin till high school by the way but they didn't want to believe I was. Now I have nothing against Lesbians, I am bi myself. I was called a nasty Lesbian and a whore and told me I was going to hell. They only called me these names I assumed because of the hand-me downs I wore. Can you believe they were my mother's clothes?

Finally High School came and I still tried to make friends and fit in. I dreaded waking up and going to school by this time. The one thing I enjoyed and loved became a night mare. This was when cliques were officially established. You had the popular sports clique like the jocks and cheerleaders. I never tried out. I wanted to do track, wresting, and cheerleading. Why didn't I? Because I had big boobs and was too fat (150 pounds). So I apologized for not being anorexic and stopped eating. I started running and tried to change my lifestyle just to fit in. To just be happy that I finally had people to call friends. Nothing worked. They called me lazy, said I would never graduate because I was not smart. I started to believe them. I gave up. I started failing Senior year, the one year EVERYONE talked about and looked forward to. Every dance I had no date except once and it was just to make fun of me.

Good news is, I graduated. Though I was so worried about fitting in that I never put time into setting myself up for after I graduate. All of these years were wasted. There are no good times that I can even share. My parents never knew any of this until I graduated. Anyone I ever approached about bullying they didn't believe me, told me to be the BIGGER person, turn the other cheek, or they're just jealous. No teachers ever expressed concern throughout my time in school.

Listen, school is not a daycare or a place that teaches children how to live life. It is a big part of your child's life. Bottom line, be more aware of your child or children. Pay attention to their behavior because they can be really good at hiding when they're hurt. Whether there are problems at home or not, pay attention. They need love, reassurance, someone to listen to them. Take responsibility and take action. I have three children but I can not protect them from everything, but, I can prepare them for the cruel world and people in it. You can too.

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About the Creator

Briahna Cunningham

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