Parenting tips from a Nanny

I have a bachelors degree and I am qualified to teach primary school children. I loved teaching and I absolutely adore working with children but with the ever-increasing workload and the actual pay (for the total hours you work) being not much more above minimum wage, I decided to move away from teaching.

I have worked in lots of different households and experienced an array of parenting styles. Below if some of the best advice I can give to new parents and parents that may be experiencing some difficulty raising tiny humans.

1. Praise!

This sounds ridiculous but the reason we get such good results in schools (for a large proportion of children anyway) is we praise excessively. It would be easy to stand in a classroom and shout at all of the children doing things they shouldn't be, but you will have much better results if you stand in that classroom and loudly praise a few people doing the correct thing. It also creates a much nicer atmosphere. If you say "Well done Daniel for sitting nicely!" ten other children in that room will instantly sit taller as they want some of that praise too.

In my first week of being a Nanny it took me a moment to figure out how to transfer this into the children's homelife. Phrases like "Who is going to be a superstar and put their pyjamas on ready for bed?" have children rushing around to help you. Remember to be over the top and praise lots, especially in areas that you experience difficulty.

2. The easy way now is the hard way in the future.

I see this all of the time. Parents get stuck in ruts "I will go and tidy up the kids room because it's quicker", "I will clean the children's plates off because they might drop food on the floor," and the best one "I will let her/him sleep in my bed tonight because they are being fussy,".

No, no no no. If it takes the children half an hour to pick up their toys today, it will probably take them twenty minutes in a few days time. Get them into that habit of putting things away that they are finished with. You may think that they are children and making a mess once in a while isn't the end of the world, and you're right, it isn't. But they do need to know that once that mess is made they have to tidy it up. Provide help if they can't reach things to put them away but never just do it for them.

I am a nanny with a family at the moment and Mom and Dad just let the children dump their dirty plates on the side for someone else to sort out and clean up. When I am there though, they empty their plates off and put them in the washing up bowl ready.

Letting children sleep in your bed is a slippery slope because whatever fussiness got them in there is the same level they will repeat every night at bed time from then on. Sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed is lovely and comfortable for the child, they want to be there. Don't fall into this trap, and if you are reading this now and already have, get yourselves out of it quickly by insisting (regardless of the level of tantrum) that they go back to their own beds.

3. Consistency is key.

Children will push boundaries. Once every couple of weeks one of the children I work with will leave dishes on their side or tell me they've made their bed thinking I won't realise they have lied. DO NOT let them get away with it. If they don't do things right the first time, make them come back and do it again, don't move that dish because its easy, wait for them to come back into the room and then tell them to move it. Give an inch and children will take a mile, then you will have problems.

4. Routine.

The children get up, eat breakfast (put their dishes and rubbish away properly), go upstairs, brush their teeth, wash their faces, make their beds and get dressed. Every morning that is the same. They then come downstairs and I brush their hair, give them a job to do like tidy their play room and before school they have ten minutes TV time.

Children like routine. They don't typically want to do things wrong so give them a routine so they know what they should be doing and when.

5. Sleep routines.

This is so important it deserved an additional bullet point. White noise machines are fantastic for babies but they will also help older children settle if you are travelling or staying somewhere different. I fully recommend turning one on in your child's room every night. Not only is it good for the child but it covers a certain level of noise from the rest of the house. Accidentally drop something on the floor? Your child won't have heard it.

When they're babies I would get them used to a certain level of light in the room that they're in. Red and green lights are helpful as they don't activate the brain when they wake. If you can do this then that means they are more likely to sleep in different surroundings.

Rocking them to sleep is a BAD idea. They are so cute and cuddly when they're tiny and you do just want to hold them, but you do not want to be rocking them to sleep when they are two or three years old. They get heavy and also when they stir after you have put them in their bed or crib, they start to cry because they're alone. You will be getting up every few hours.

6. Talk to them!

There are a LOT of children with speech, language and communication needs and there are some ways in which you can help your child avoid these. Do not use baby talk, use the proper word every time and repeat it to help them listen and produce that sound. When you ask them a question like "what would you like to do?" encourage answers in full sentences and do not jump in for them or talk over them. Allow ten seconds between asking a question and expecting an answer, children need extra processing time.

7. Tell them what is happening.

When I am feeling poorly, I tell the children I am looking after that I don't feel so good. This helps them to empathise and they do their best to help. There is nothing wrong with talking about how you are feeling with your child and this will also normalise their feelings too.

8. Follow through on threats.

The amount of times I hear "If you don't eat your dinner then you aren't having anything else" for the child to still refuse to eat and the adult then cook them something else. Don't fall into this pattern.

Leave the food on their plate at the table and let the child choose whether to eat it or not. Children quickly learn whether you will follow through on these threats or not and if you don't then you will buy yourself daily battles with food. The same goes for behaviour, if you tell them that if they do something you are taking away their TV then you have to take away their TV if they continue.

9. Think about your behaviour and your mood.

Your reaction to a child's behaviour is wholy dependant upon how you are feeling at the time. Read that again.

Take yourself out of your feelings and don't react quickly or blindly to behaviour. Is that child crying worse today than normal or are you reacting differently to it because you woke up tired?

10. There is no such thing as perfect.

We all go to bed some days and think "did I do that right?" or "Should I have reacted differently to that?". Show yourself some compassion because all you can do is try your best.