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Parenting and Politics

Do we control our parenting or does our legislature?

By Real TalkPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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We all have had our experiences growing up. To our success or detriment we all have encountered disciplinary actions from our parents. But who decides how you can discipline your children? Most of us believe that the parents can choose how they want to raise their children but that may not be entirely true. Did you know that there is a political side to parenting? Let's take some time to look at the political parenting models and decide who makes decisions for your children.

Here we will look at the strict father model. Children being parented under the strict father model learn through reward and punishment. According to the Wikipedia entry, the ideas involved in this model are:

  1. That children learn through reward and punishment, as in operant conditioning. Corporal punishment, such as spanking, is favored in this model relative to other models.
  2. That children become more self-reliant and more self-disciplined by having strict parents.
  3. That the parent, particularly the father, is meant to mete out rewards for good behavior as well as punish bad behavior.

This model has been under scrutiny based on individual feelings. It is also not favored by some state legislatures. We will get into that in a minute. The strict father model is still favored by many, many parents nationwide but some states pretty much tell you NO you can't do that, claiming that spanking is child abuse.

Here is model number two. The nuturant parent model. Under this model, children freely explore their surroundings while being protected by their parents. The Wikipedia entry for this model states:

  1. True discipline is not a matter of strict obedience, but of respect and compassion.
  2. The world is no more inherently hostile than it is inherently friendly; it merely commands respect.
  3. Respect and compassion can only be taught by example.

There is something different about this entry. It seems there was research done on this model but not on the strict father model. Let's take a look at this. The Wikipedia entry shows this under the research section for the nuturant parent model.

This model is based on a study conducted by the Boston College Graduate Program in Human Development, where researchers were investigating the parenting style preferred by parents of extraordinarily creative children. Most parenting books recommend the authoritative style. The researchers discovered another parenting style which they called "the nurturing parent" that focuses on responsibility, empathy, and creativity. The basic approach these parents used was to:

  1. Trust in their children's fairness and good judgment.
  2. Respect their children's autonomy, thoughts and feelings.
  3. Support their children's interests and goals.
  4. Enjoy their children's company.
  5. Protect their children from doing injury to self or others, not by establishing rules but by communicating values and discussing their children's behavior with them.
  6. Modeling the self-control, sensitivity and values they believe their children will need.

There are good points to both of these models. Unfortunately, due to the wonderful world of social services, we are forced to choose one or the other or risk losing your children. The social services systems in some states claim that spanking your child strikes fear into them. According to their system, parents should not discipline physically because of the fear aspect. So instead use things like time out and taking toys away.

Sounds reasonable right? But what about this minor fear can be good? Well, thinking before you act. Children and adults alike make a connection between cause and effect. Here is a small example. If your child does something to be disciplined you have to act on it as a parent. Let's say they hit another student at school. When they get home you punish them via timeout, and taking away an item or two. They just learned that if they do this again they have to sit down for a bit, and not play/use a couple things for a few days. The consequences aren't that great in their mind as they get older.

Now in the strict father model the child is spanked. They have just learned that their actions resulted in a spanking which hurt. They then realize if they do this again they will be spanked and it's going to hurt a little. They then associate this action with something no child wants. A spanking. There is no fear of timeout because it has very little sting to it. Same as taking things away.

In the end, we should be able to chose which parenting style we want to use. Unfortunately, departments like social services will not allow you to do so and sometimes make you take a parenting class inherently forcing the nuturant parent model on your upbringing of your children. The court system heavily relies on these agencies to make the right choices to lighten the decision making on the judges. What the judges don't see is what is really going on.

Resources:

Strict father model Wikipedia

Nuturant parent model: Wikipedia

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