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Parenting and Depression

What It's Like Being a Mom With Depression

By Samantha TheallPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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I've heard it all: "You have a beautiful, healthy daughter with another on the way. You shouldn't be depressed," "Others have it worse," "At least you have your kids," and so on. I have felt guilty for being depressed. I have felt like I don't deserve to feel this way. More often than not, I get down even more. I have been told that I should be thankful for being able to stay at home and raise my kids. The truth? Being a stay at home mom and having depression, or any mental illness, is a nightmare.

You want to get out and do things...the things with your kids that you see your mommy friends do. You want to be the Pinterest mom. The one that does all these crafts with your kids and take them out to the park and make amazing, organic, healthy lunches. When you can't, you get mad at yourself. You put yourself down and beat yourself up, all for what? You're not the ideal parent.

The truth? You are the best parent in the world. You do win the mommy or daddy of the year award. As long as your kids are happy and healthy. I know battling your mind daily is horrible. I know. I cry more than I care to admit, just because I feel like a failure. My daughter has a few health problems. I always think, If I didn't do this or that when I was pregnant, she would be healthier, or, If I didn't give her hot dogs and mac and cheese for lunch, she would be happier. But I am wrong.

As a parent, we have to learn to change our depression voice. We do the very best we can but still beat ourselves up because we burned our toast at breakfast. Everyone says not to sweat the small stuff, but that isn't as easy as it sounds. I know, at least for me, I can wake up and get myself a cup of coffee, but even if I spill a little, I will break down. Call myself names.

One thing that has helped me is thinking of what if my inner voice was talking to my kids and not me. I would not tolerate someone talking to my child the way I talk to myself. Why do I tolerate talking to myself that way then? Depression sucks and it's tiring.

I'm not a therapist or a doctor, so you can take what I say with a grain of salt. I am, however, a parent with mental illness. I know the battles daily. You're not alone out there. You have people that know and understand what you are going though. I am your friend. Just because you don't know me doesn't mean I don't care.

Hang in there. Keep your head up. It is okay to cry and have a breakdown. I know it helps me. Don't be afraid to ask for help (something I am still working on myself). The best advice I was given was, "do your best every day. Even if your best is just getting up to use the bathroom, you did your best, and that is enough to celebrate."

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About the Creator

Samantha Theall

Samantha is a stay at home mom. She has a two year old and is expecting another in June. Writing is her passion. It helps her unwind after a long day with her toddler.

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