Families logo

Package Deal

The Heroism of Dedication

By Gerard DiLeoPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
1

"When he was born, the doctors said it would be best if I didn't see him. He said his mind would never develop past the age of five and I should just put him in an institution. Because the burden of raisin' a child like that would be too great. So I smiled at him and I asked for the baby. Oh, how could anybody think that sweet, precious baby could ever be a burden?" --Idgie, Fried Green Tomatoes

The hard truth is that taking care of a child is a tremendous amount of work. Is it a burden?

This ugly word, "burden," implies struggling and suffering, and it also reeks of something uninvited. This may be the important difference when raising a child who comes into this world perfect: such a child is welcome.

Caring and raising any child is physical work, and it is an enormous amount of emotional work as well. If all goes well, all goes well.

Alas, there are those for whom it doesn't go well. Contrary to the kind words of Idgie in the movie, Fried Green Tomatoes, based on the book by Fannie Flagg, raising a special child looks like a burden to everyone else; but like the undercurrent of Idgie's remarks, it is also the joy of one's life, all the sweeter because, in doing so, parents change their definition of what life really is and come to see what it really is all about.

One must not confuse burden with resentment. That's the catch. Accepting a special child is accepting the burden that comes with it; it's a package deal. If the burden is accepted, yet with resentment, it's not really accepting the child.

What is the price of such acceptance?

It is putting oneself second--forever. It is ignoring the glares and curious stares, the segregation, the rudeness of salespersons who ignore a willing customer who rolls in a chair or who is led by a sighted guide. It is resisting indignation toward those who have the luxury of just taking care of themselves...every day...every evening...always--as much as it's taken for granted. If there is no greater love than giving one's life for someone, the steep price of this acceptance buys the greatest love. Coincident with such acceptance, its dedication becomes its own reward.

There are other types of burdens, certainly. Raising a child who closes the door on you, pushes you away, scorns you, or refuses your good will; a child who is "normal" but then chooses poorly in life-choices and destroys the life which has been given to him or her. It's hard to avoid resentment when children start out with everything and end their journeys badly, because poor choices can be argued or condemned. With a special child, however, all arguments are moot. You can forgive bad choices--true; but forgiveness is irrelevant with a special child.

For most, life goes on without a hitch. Restroom calls, conversational engagement, having goals and the strategies to acquire them, arranging one's day, plans for day, year, and life--all of these can become as effortless as muscle memory. But for those who accept the special burdens of life, every moment requires physical effort and emotional exertion.

Don't feel sorry for these parents. They have accepted, so they freely navigate their burdens by choice. There's a payback for them.

Yet, when they are seen with their struggles, it wouldn't hurt the universe to send them a kind thought, for they are heroes. They step up where others cannot imagine the wholeheartedness and all-in commitment required.

Do send them a kind thought--or even a little prayer, if you're so inclined. A kind thought seems invisible, but not to the universe. It does go somewhere. Such a sentiment, far flung, is recursive in the most powerful of ways. You may even find a meaning to life you never considered before.

children
1

About the Creator

Gerard DiLeo

Retired, not tired. In Life Phase II: Living and writing from a decommissioned Catholic church in Hull, MA. Phase I: was New Orleans (and everything that entails).

https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/

email: [email protected]

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.