One-Sided Relationships: Signs, Causes, and What You Can Do

Sometimes your partner may be giving you less attention than you give them. Whether it's due to work stress or something at home, there can be reasons your partner may not be as attentive. Just because they aren't giving you as much attention does not mean that the relationship is one-sided.

What you should look out for is a pattern of this behavior. Maybe you are always the one initiating conversations or making plans for the two of you. Perhaps you are the one who always tries to work things out or show your partner love, and they just take it. You may begin to feel like you're only doing things for your partner.

Learning that your relationship may be one-sided allows you to know what steps to take. You shouldn't keep track of who does more, but know that both people should be trying to care for the relationship.

Here are some key points to remember:

One-sided relationships have a pattern to them.

Your partner may not put as much effort into the relationship.

They may not show you love the way you want.

You can tell your partner that you need them to put in more effort.

You can limit how much you give.

If you feel like your partner is controlling or abusive, please reach out to a trusted friend or resource in your area.

What Are One-Sided Relationships?

A one-sided relationship is when one person is putting more effort into the relationship than the other. This could be with effort or taking care of one another.

Maybe Maya always texts her partner first. She always makes plans and asks her partner how they are doing. When Maya has a bad day, her partner doesn't want to hear about it. They may not know that Maya wants to be shown love this way, but it can lead to a one-sided relationship.

Everyone has times where they need more from their partner. Some people may show love differently than others. As long as you and your partner are aware of what the other needs, it can work.

How To Know If Your Relationship Is One-Sided

Always Initiating Conversations And Plans

If you're always the one texting first, making plans, and trying to resolve arguments, your relationship may be one-sided. If you didn't try to put effort into the relationship, you think it may fall apart.

Just because you haven't been initiating things for a week doesn't mean your relationship is one-sided. If you've told your partner that you'd like them to initiate things and they continue not to, you may want to take note of this. Do they never plan anything or reach out to you?

Not Showing Interest In Your Problems

You may always listen to your partner about what they're worried about, but they don't care about what you have to say. They may listen and change the subject or never have time for you.

Perhaps your partner will always call you when they need you but are too busy to talk to you. It's not one time that your partner didn't pick up, but it can be one-sided if this continues to happen.

Doing Everything For Your Partner

You may be the one doing most of the work around the house or making plans for your partner. They may participate once everything is taken care of.

You can be one-sided in a dating relationship too. One person may always know what to do and make all of the decisions. This isn't about who does the chores; it's about who takes responsibility for these tasks.

Trying Too Hard To Keep Your Partner Happy

You may be doing more for your partner to ensure they're happy. You don't want to upset your partner or not receive any love back from them.

You shouldn't have to try to be loved by your partner. You deserve someone who cares about your feelings and what you have to offer them.

Your Partner Doesn't Follow Through With Actions

They may tell you that they'll do better after you confront them about your relationship. People can say they'll change, but actions will tell you if they truly will.

Take note if your partner initiates conversations and checks in on you. Don't just rely on your partner saying they'll change, but take notice of their actions.

Why Is My Relationship One-Sided?

There are many reasons why a relationship can become one-sided. Your partner may not want to communicate with you emotionally or may want you to take care of everything for them. Everyone has different ways of putting effort into a relationship.

Maybe your partner is stressed from something in their life. They may not have the capacity to give as much as you can right now. If they are loving, they can communicate with you what they can do and appreciate what you do for them.

There may be other factors that are causing your relationship to be one-sided. Once you know why your relationship is one-sided, you can figure out if you want to continue with the relationship.

Steps You Can Take If Your Relationship Is One-Sided

Know What Your Problem Is

Once you know that your relationship is one-sided, take time to figure out what you don't like about it. List a few things that your partner isn't doing. Maybe they don't make plans or initiate conversations.

This isn't about keeping score but knowing what your problem is. You can tell your partner, "I've made plans for us the past 3 times."

Talk To Your Partner About It

Talk to your partner about how you've been feeling. Try not to attack your partner but explain what you don't like.

“I care about our relationship and feel like I'm the only one putting effort into it. I've been making most of the plans for us and checking in on you. Can we work on this? Would you like to make plans for us this week?”

Tell your partner what you feel they aren't doing and ask them to do something. If they argue with you about it, don't try to fight with them. Continue to tell them what they aren't doing for you.

For more ideas on how to talk through relationship issues, read how to improve communication in a relationship.

Ask For Something Specific

Tell your partner what you'd like them to change in your relationship.

"Can we take turns making plans for us?"

"I'd like you to check in on me after my appointment Thursday."

"Can we split the housework and each take care of certain things?"

Once you ask your partner to change something, allow them time. Don't ask for them to change everything at once.

Allow Time For Change

Your partner may not know what you've been feeling. They may be upset that you brought this up, but give them time. Allow your partner to open up to you about what they've been feeling as well.

After your conversation, take notice if your partner changes their behavior. Do they try to put more effort into the relationship? Of course, they aren't going to be perfect, but they should show some improvement. If your partner tells you they'll change but don't follow through, this isn't good.

Create A Boundary

Telling your partner what you will do to benefit yourself is creating a boundary. You aren't telling your partner what they should do, but what you will do.

“I will not make plans for you anymore; I'm leaving that up to you.”

“I know you need me, but I can't talk to you every night at this hour. Can we come up with a solution?”

Stick to your word when you set a boundary. It may be uncomfortable if you're used to doing everything for your partner, but it's okay to have boundaries.

Know What You Want From Your Relationship

You can only do so much to make a relationship work. Once you tell your partner what you need from them, take notice of what they do. Do they try to make things better? Do you feel comfortable talking to them about your problems?

If both parties want to work on their relationship but aren't sure how, a therapist can help you out. If your partner is trying to control who you see or where you go and how you spend your money, you may want to reach out to someone. You can contact a local domestic abuse hotline; if you are in danger, contact 911.

FAQ

Can my relationship be one-sided if my partner loves me?

Yes, they can love you and still not show you how they care. Everyone shows love in different ways. Make sure they respect you and try to put effort into the relationship.

Is it one-sided if one person pays for everything?

No, it's not one-sided if one person is paying more than the other. It depends on the situation. Both parties should feel happy with who is paying for what.

How long do I wait for things to change?

It can take some time for your partner to change. Pay attention if they are consistently making an effort and try to take responsibility for their mistakes.

Can a one-sided relationship become even?

Yes, it can. If you and your partner know what your problem is, you can work together to fix it. Maybe you need to learn to ask for what you need or create new habits.

Should I stop reaching out to my partner to see if they miss me?

If you stop trying to reach out to your partner, they may not know why. It's better to tell your partner what you don't like and ask them to change something. You can stop trying so hard, but that shouldn't be to see if they notice.

Make Sure Both Sides Put Effort Into The Relationship

Your relationship doesn't have to be even every day. But both parties should care about how your relationship is and put effort into it.

If you think your relationship is one-sided, know what your problem is. Tell your partner what you need from them and see if they follow through.