One Christmas Before Quarantine

Every year I didn't do Family Christmas wore on me. It should've been easier to miss Christmas each year I lived in China. No matter how many Christmases I hung out with friends, drank, and exchanged gifts, it wasn't the same. I missed the big family Christmas party.

Every year, on the weekend before Christmas, my dad's side of the family gets together to celebrate. Cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews bring food and presents for the kids. We drink and play cards late into the night. If we have an RV, or my sister has a spare room, we'll sleep there.

Then the next morning, we have coffee and donuts. We chat for as long as possible before it's time to pack up and go back home.

In September of 2019, I left China and moved back to the US. For the first time in six years, I looked forward to having Family Christmas again. I'd have a fiance to bring for the first time too! His children would hang out with my family for the first time.

Last year's Family Christmas ended up being the best one yet. Perhaps being away for so long helped. The reason didn't matter. Missing out on one of the happiest parts of the year for a long time wears on someone. Being there again brought back memories of how fun it can be.

The kids saw Uno in the back room, and they disappeared until dinner. My niece and I shared Mike's Hard Lemonade and chatted about writing and life. My fiance got into an intriguing conversation with my uncle about scuba diving.

After dinner and presents, we gathered at the table and pulled out a deck of cards. My uncle pulled out rolls of quarters and gave us four each. We played Tonk long into the night. Side note, I won all the quarters.

This year, we planned on taking the RV so we could stay longer. I practiced cooking this year, so I could bring a meal, not store-bought. I went looking for games for the kids to play with the other kids at the party.

My niece and I excitedly talked about getting a round of Cards Against Humanity going at the next Family Christmas. I missed out on the years they played, so I eagerly waited for the chance to play it with the family. I heard my dad is a genius at it.

And then COVID happened.

Being in Michigan, it looked like we were doing okay at first. Did I agree with every executive order? No, but I followed the ones that made sense. And then, the Michigan Supreme Court stopped the executive orders, and the cases started piling up.

People took masks as a political statement, not a tool to reduce your chances of getting sick. The ones running around without one thought they were making a statement, when they made themselves a target of scapegoating and ridicule.

Now, you never know who's going to shame you for wanting a break from the quarantine. We've shut down again. My fiance and I made a quick day trip, but I haven't posted a few pictures, even though I stayed careful the whole time. Times like these are when you can find out who doesn't like you by their Facebook post's reactions.

The family found out in October Family Christmas got canceled. The day after, my sister showed us a new card game she bought for the party. It looked like something I would've excelled at.

My aunt's post about canceling looked like a post where you could feel the emotion from it. As disappointed as we all were, we all assured her we understood.

We can't keep track of where we've been and who we had contact with before the party. We can't keep track of who's going to wear a mask and who isn't. My aunt's decision is understandable.

It's not the first time I missed Christmas with my family, but the news still left me heartbroken. 2020 isn't the worst year I ever had, but it took away the one constant to every lousy year. It took away Family Christmas.

The day I found out about the party, I drank a lot of wine and stayed withdrawn in the bedroom. I worked on poems for a future poetry book and buried myself in a book.

It sucks not having an annual Christmas party this year, but I'm thankful for having a party last year. I know there's a small chance of dying from COVID, but the thought of losing a family member to this disease terrifies me. Most of my aunts and uncles are over 60 years old, so is my dad. One niece has heart disease, and another uncle uses a wheelchair because of cerebral palsy. I know being on lockdown wore on my mental health, too.

It's not getting the disease that scares me. I already had it. However, I'm not as convinced as other people that I can't get it again. What scares me is that tiny percentage that ends up hospitalized or dead. It's even scarier to think about someone I love having the same fate. No amount of reassurance of the numbers is going to get rid of my fears.

It's going to feel weird when the weekend before Christmas rolls around. Instead of being one weekend, I'm excited for every year, it'll be another weekend at home. It sucks, but I'm grateful we had a party last year.

If I missed last year's party, I would've taken the news harder. There's talk of a Zoom meeting instead where we all drink a bottle of Arbor Mist. I'd be one of the first to sign up if it was real.

I'm glad I came home from China when I did. Otherwise, I would've missed a seventh year of the annual family Christmas party. We'll be hoping the next year is crazier than ever!