OF RAISING HOTHOUSE CHILDREN

OF RAISING HOTHOUSE CHILDREN!

Any attempt or struggle to create a better society anywhere in the world is always a commendable endeavor. Such effort should attract support from everyone irrespective of race, tribe, tongue, or religion. For the sake of clarity and not to fall into presumption, a better society can be defined as one that has already achieved or is working towards achieving an educated citizenry with a stable economy, security, plans, and purposeful direction for growth and development. This is important because knowledge and literacy in a society determine a lot, particularly on how children are raised. The logic is that if a society fails to educate the people, they will step into parenthood ignorantly to the detriment of their children. And a wrongly raised child becomes a liability not only to himself and his family but to society in general. It is clear many today are raising hothouse children, in the belief that they want to give the best of everything in life to them, and such, to them is love. Such resolve to pamper children often stemmed from trying to prevent the children from going through bitter experiences like you. Still, no matter in what guise or reason, children are prevented from experiencing life by themselves, it is a wrong strategy that ends up often with ugly consequences.

Many families in Africa, particularly those in privileged positions and good financial postures, are more inclined to groom hothouse children who go through life, over-dependent on the parents' provisions and thoughts. It is not uncommon to find these kids in their comfortable rooms playing games with every available PlayStation in the market. They cannot cook even as teens, make their rooms, do the dishes or laundry, and even groom themselves. Some maids are always available to fix everything in the house. When asked to go downstairs to get something from a car, the kid grumbles and sputters along the way or outrightly refuses and asks the "loving" mom or dad to go and get the stuff themselves. Surprisingly, the parent would leave whatever he or she is doing and goes downstairs for the article while this teen sits his fat ass on the couch and continues his games to his heart's content.

In academics, the parents still loom large. When the result shows poor academic performance due to lack of parental guidance and support for homework and private studies, these "loving" parents either go to the school to scold the teacher for writing such a poor result to their child while condoning the child's laziness that earned the result or, use some money to bribe the principal and teachers and instruct them to make sure the child always comes back with an excellent report card. When the teen is bullied by the mate, he runs home crying like a toddler whose treasured toy was taken away, instead of standing his ground and facing the bully or reporting such misconduct to the teacher. What do the "loving" parents do? Jump into the car and drive straight to the parents of the bully with a threat to jail everything, including animals in their household, should their child taunt their precious brat again.

These kids are not allowed to even experience any form of pain or privation. Whatever they want is provided before they finish mentioning it. If they wish to change their wardrobe, the servant jumps into the car and takes them to a boutique. If they decide not to eat whatever is cooked in the house for the whole week, the "loving" parents encourage them to go to any fast-food joint to satisfy their intestines. When they insult or mistreat a maid or servants much older than them, the parents jump to their defense to show their "love" for the brat. They are meant to believe that they are the center of the universe, and they must have everything since the means are available.

There is nothing wrong with protecting children and providing for them. This is the major duty of parents because as children, they naturally need the care of their parents, guardians, and adults to survive. But something is wrong when parents behave and believe that part of their duties includes thinking, talking, and acting on behalf of their children. They do everything for their children in an attempt to shield them from the challenges of life that sometimes come with worries, pains, and tests. In doing so they become slaves to their children, but to them, they are the ideal parents.

Sometimes it is not the child who wants this over-dependence on the parents; rather it is these parents with controlling tendencies who demand this from the kid. For them, the child even as a teen or in his or her twenties, is not capable of informed decisions. They choose who the kid will date, a program to undertake in university, the university he must attend, The brand of clothes and shoes he has to be wearing, and sometimes choose a spouse for him. These pictures I am painting here might look like an exaggeration. But the truth is that these things, more or less are happening. When some of these kids put up rebellion to escape the stranglehold of these controlling-maniac parents, they are threatened to be disowned and cut off from the will. And more often, these threats work to tame the seeming rebel by leading him back into the cage.

We should understand that free will is an intrinsic part of man, and one of the things that make us human beings is the ability to make choices. It is in making choices that we develop and mature. As rational beings, we are expected to have our choices keep time with rationality. In other words, wrong choices are demeaning to our nature. Should we happen to make a wrong choice, we face the consequence, learn from it, and come out enriched with the experience. When under the guise of parenting and guidance, a child's natural wings are badly atrophied by ignorant parents, it is an act of robbery. You can't have all the experiences in life that had made you a strong person and see such as an unproductive measure that your child doesn't deserve? It is not only that you are robbing your child of his life, but you are also nurturing an unhealthy person.

Right from childhood, children should be allowed to take initiative, make choices under your supervision. You should let your child join in the house chores, run errands, and contribute to one form of work or another in the running of the family. As parents, you must recognize and respect the free will of your child; instruct him when necessary and offer your advice. When the child has reached a mature age, all you can offer is your advice and not a demand to do your bidding. In fact, at this time, you should cease to be a father or a mother in your relationship with your child; you rather should be a friend. This consciousness will guide you against unwarranted intrusion into his free will. By understanding this and doing it, you are helping to build a strong society with independent and conscious human beings. You are forming individuals with strong personalities who can face the challenges of life squarely, individuals with whom you can be proud of in your presence or absence. You are raising a human being and not a hothouse child!