Never Set Out to Raise Happy Children

How we are going to raise our kids is the second major decision we make as parents after we grapple over our hopes and dreams on which gender we’ve wanted since we were born. Actually, some parents are paying big bucks to choose the gender of their baby.

For those who choose to have children, encompass so many aspirations for them—happiness, near the top. Unlike my spin on the saying, If the wife is happy, the household is happy. It’s actually the happiness of the kids that makes my world go ‘round. Diving into the things they are curious about or what they might love even if it isn’t one of yours. If you’re anything like me, you might be or will end up living vicariously through their joy.

Happy and Content Children

The pleasure is all mine, as a single mom, to see my children happy, content, and comfortable in their own skin. They have the stability and support that they receive from me, teachers, and extended family. A long road has been the past couple of years transitioning to a new city after losing my job, having to uproot them from what they knew.

It can be a stressor trying to adjust personally, emotionally, and financially each day while rendering my children's well-being to those who say they will care for and educate them. Having to do this has been overwhelming, heart-wrenching, and enlightening all at once. Although, as they get older, it becomes easier for me.

Each day and every time that my children call me “Mommy,” I am more stunned. I have always held that name in such pristine. Not that they shouldn’t call me “that” (because they should), but the questions that come to mind are, Do I deserve that title? Why do they still trust me? I do quick self-evaluations as a mother to test if I am worthy. Many times my responses or personal outcomes are a bit self-damning (I’m working on that). Depending on the day, if I’m lucky, I may be. Then I make an additional plan to be a better keeper. Have you ever felt not deserving?

There is a level of care that we all want to give to our children; however, those gifts are far from reality in some lives. But there is the unconditional love we can always give, memories we can begin, and traditions we can share in building and continuing our family connection even in the direst situations. As a single mom, it is imperative to remember that they depend totally on you and that I have to be first all and end-all, a keeper.

So each day I wake, I love and nurture them. I mentor, guide, and lay new groundwork for their success. I correct when needed and praise often. I model accepted behaviors because they are always watching; I lecture and cry when their days aren’t best.

Conclusion

Looking ahead, praying for their love for humankind, their thirst for learning, and valuing what each person in our family brings. Hoping they want to remember and enjoy recalling those special times I tried to create once they’re adults. Creating enough of them or a memorable quality of experiences is my goal.

I appreciate that their experiences are a warm reminder and an intro to any questions they have for me. Our home is full of love, with some sacrifice, full-circle changes for the better, positive values, looking back on times we disagreed with the times we did, and fun for no reason. If they can encompass, at best, even a fraction of those things…all else will fall in line.