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Never be "friends" with your children at the age when you should set the rules.

Daily Montessori

By Fausbs BaishekhePublished 2 years ago 7 min read
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If parents do not teach, children will not know the rules; if parents do not care, children will not be in awe. It is the greatest responsibility for children to set rules for their children from an early age.

In recent years, there is a parenting saying that "be friends with children", which emphasizes that in life, parents should respect their children and get along with them like friends.

There is no doubt that parents should give their children space for love, freedom and independent activities, but is it really suitable for parents to be friends with their children?

Give priority to education, and then be friends when you have spare time.

When their children were young, parents always liked to take their children to audition classes in art, dance, piano, calligraphy, and so on. After listening to them, they asked their children very democratically:

"do you like this course? I'll let you know if you like. "

Friend-like conversation, democratic choice, when we give the right to sign up for class to the children to decide, it is also tantamount to quietly shifting the responsibility to the children.

When their children don't want to go to school for a while, most parents will say, "it was your own decision in the first place." The next plot is that parents and children engage in chaos and struggle around class.

To be a parent, you must first do your duty as a parent, and secondly, be friends with your children.

When the child is young, do not rush to be "friends" with the child, children of this age simply do not have the ability to measure and judge things.

If you are not in awe of some social rules, if you do not restrain your child, he will only become more and more lawless.

Dr. Maria Montessori pointed out that the age of 3-6 is a critical period for the formation of children's awareness of rules and early behavior habits.

A study from Harvard University pointed out that the age of 3-6 is the most critical period for children to develop their character and behavior habits, which can be described as a "wet cement period".

85% of the children's character, 90% of their ideas, and 90% of their behavior are formed at this stage.

Therefore, it is useless to have a good education if you do not set rules for your children before the age of 6.

So don't be friends with your children at the age when you should set the rules.

Children who lack a sense of boundaries will never grow up.

In recent years, the word "sense of limit" has been paid more and more attention. But at home, it is often blurred because of loving children and becoming friends with children.

The sense of boundary in the Art of getting along is described in this way: the inner self-boundary between people.

The sense of boundary, to put it bluntly, is to master the appropriate boundaries in interpersonal relationships, you have your space, I have my freedom, do not interfere with each other.

Such boundaries can help us not to "invade" other people's territory at will, but also protect ourselves from being disturbed, and have a proper sense of boundary, so that parents and children can get along better.

Children who lack a sense of boundaries will never grow up.

Because his heart has been stuck in the primitive attachment stage, for example, he has the ability to do it, he does not do it, he thinks it is all his parents' business.

A very important reason why children lose their sense of boundaries is that parents lack a sense of boundaries and choose to be friends with their children when it is time to set rules for their children.

For children, the rule is the boundary, which is what can be done and what cannot be done.

The establishment of a sense of boundaries is a process of gradual learning.

If children do not develop boundaries and establish a sense of rules before the age of 6, they will often do something that makes their parents have a headache in their life.

Parents should establish authority in front of their children

The essence of education is the self-cultivation of parents. It is not simply to meet the needs of the child, but to cultivate his awe.

Children who are in awe are more likely to obey the rules, have stronger self-discipline and reason in society in the future, and are more likely to succeed.

Therefore, before the child is 6 years old, parents must establish authority in front of the child and let the child be in awe of you.

Children's awe of their parents is not to try their best to make them afraid of themselves, but to establish their parents' prestige in front of their children.

Parents' awe needs to be shaped bit by bit in their lives.

To educate children, there should be not only temperature, but also scale.

Montessori's educational philosophy tells us that the three bottom lines of disciplining children should not be violated, that is, do not hurt yourself, do not disturb others, and do not destroy the environment.

Only families with temperature and principles can raise children with awe. The following three principles are for parents' reference:

1. There are some things I can't get used to.

Some parents said, "there are rules at home, but there is nothing children can do to cheat."

This is a common problem in many families: children do not listen to your rules and often threaten their parents by crying and not eating.

This is largely due to parents lowering the bottom line again and again.

A characteristic of spoiled children is that their demands are always met.

When there is a problem for the first time, adults will only find more trouble for themselves and their children's future because of face-saving or compromise because of their eagerness to calm their children down.

two。 There are some responsibilities that children must bear on their own.

There is a dialogue like this in the classic picture book "I will always Love you":

Ali: "if I made the pillow feathered all over the place, would you still love me?"

Mother: "I will always love you, but you have to pack up your feathers."

Ah Li: "if I spilled paint on my sister, would you still love me?"

Mother: "I will always love you, but you have to be responsible for bathing your sister."

The mother in this story did a very good job, and she took the trouble to promise, "I will always love you."

At the same time, don't forget to emphasize: son, you should be responsible for your actions. You should try your best to recover or make up for the consequences of what you have done.

Parents should not help their children escape, but should ask their children to bear the consequences for their wrong words and deeds, so that their children have the honesty and courage to face them.

3. Love can be unconditional, but it must be based on principles

Love is not only the premise of education, but also the basis of rules.

Former US President Barack Obama mentioned in an interview with CNN that he gave his parenting experience: setting rules and giving love.

Talk about the "Daddy Sutra" of educating two daughters.

"give children unconditional love," Obama said. At the same time, give them a general direction and some rules. Usually they do a great job. "

He has formulated nine family rules, the content is not complicated, but operational, and of great significance, worthy of reference. ?

Family rule 1: no unreasonable complaints, quarrels or annoying teases

Family rule 2: make the bed, not just look neat

Family rule 3: do your own things, such as making your own cereal or pouring milk, making your own quilt, setting your own alarm clock, getting up and getting dressed.

Family rule 4: keep the toy room clean

Family rule 5: help parents share the housework, $1 a week

Family rule 6: every birthday or Christmas, there are no luxurious gifts and gorgeous parties

Family rule 7: turn off the lights at 08:30 every night

Family rule 8: arrange a full extracurricular lif

children
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Fausbs Baishekhe

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