My Son

by Emma Walsh 12 months ago in children

Emerson

My Son

I was 24 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I was nervous and excited all at once. I had no idea what to do, how was I going to be a mom? I asked myself day in and day out, how do I take care of a tiny person? How am I going to provide for him? What do I do? Having to tell my friends, my family, and my child’s father was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When I first took the pregnancy test, I didn’t believe it. I kept telling myself, “There’s no way this is true!” I called one of my best friends and asked her what I should do. I ended up going to the emergency room and checking myself in to just be 100% sure, sure enough... blood work and an ultrasound, I found out I was 5 weeks, 4 days pregnant. Now, on to telling my mom, my dad, my brothers... family is supposed to support you, am I right?! Well, I felt like I was disappointing everyone when I told them I was pregnant (again). I had an ectopic pregnancy when I had just turned 22... worst thing ever. My mom has no idea what to say or think but she supported every decision I made. My mom was there every step of the way for me. She attended appointments, she held my hair when I had morning sickness, she’d cook me food when I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, she bought so much stuff for myself and my son.

My dad... different story. We’re not close. We barely see each other, barely talk... but, he was excited, so he said. Which I think he truly was, just nervous for me too... once he met my son, you could tell how happy he really was to be a GRANDPA! ;) My brothers weren’t as happy as I wanted them to be, but, that’s okay... it was to be expected. Ya know? Brothers want their sisters to be smart, strong, and protect themselves. Eventually, they warmed up to the idea of me being pregnant. Whether anyone was ready or not, this tiny person was coming. I struggled with deciding whether I was truly ready to bring a baby into this world or if adoption would’ve been the best thing for him. It took a lot of thinking and I would get depressed and feel really down and I’d be upset, but, I told myself I can DO this. I can be a mom and I would be the best mom I could be. My son's “father” wasn’t ready, wasn’t happy... he was never there for me like he should’ve been. We ended up not talking throughout my pregnancy. I met someone when I was just shy of 15 weeks pregnant and he stayed with me through my pregnancy and all. He was so supportive and helped me anytime I needed it... when I got sick, when I got upset, when I just wanted to lay in bed, when I was exhausted and had no motivation... he was an amazing support system. I thought he was my forever and I really thought he’d be in my sons life forever, but, of course.... things change. Life goes on. Here I am, going to the hospital on a very early Sunday morning, scared, exhausted, excited, nervous... I was told I wasn’t leaving without a baby. Hearing those words, I cried. I knew at the end of the day/night I’d be having my sweet little boy. I was ready whether I really was “ready” or not... I had a C-Section and it was the worst pain I’ve ever been in, in my entire life! I thought there was no way I could handle this. 4:50 PM on a Sunday evening, I had my sweet little boy. My world changed. My mood changed. I was so incredibly happy and I couldn’t believe something so little and something so perfect was MINE, forever. This little person was going to be my whole world, my best friend, my joy. The best thing that’s ever happened to me, was him. I couldn’t be happier to have this little bundle of joy. Fast forward to now, he will be 3 months old and I wish time wasn’t moving so fast. I miss the newborn stage but this infant stage is so much fun and I’m so excited for him to grow up and get bigger. Each and everyday is a new challenge. We’re managing this mom/son thing pretty well. I have the best support system. I have some amazing friends, new and old. I don’t know where I’d be without them or without my son. I have never felt a love like this and I am so blessed God chose me to be this boy's mommy. My 8 lb, 14 oz perfect little boy is my best friend and I would be so lost without him. I’m so glad I decided to take on motherhood no matter how hard, exhausting, or challenging it has been.

children
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