My Mom Has Chronic Pain and Non-Stop Migraines.
It’s a miracle that she is still alive, without much doctors support.
I am 35 years old, and my roommate and business partner, is my mom. I am her full-time caregiver, as well. She struggles every day with a migraine flare-up and blood vessel popping in her face and hair. She also struggles with mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression and PTSD due to chronic migraines and stress. She is so hard on herself, it hurts to hear and want. I try so much to try to understand her situation, with her chronic pain and migraines. I understand her mental health issues, I have a the same mental illnesses as her.
I mostly am anxious due to the unknowns about her health, and never knowing if or when she will even pass, due to much pressure in her head. I don’t have much of a support system, I mostly just turn to my youngest brother, but it is mostly just me. We started our business hoping we could at some point hire a caregiver and house clear with the income, but we are still struggling to make that a possibility. Our other goal is to make enough money to afford to live apart, but also be close by to each other. Mostly because I would feel better if I knew what was going on. With both of our overload of chronic stress due to bills, some overdue. Rent that just keeps getting higher and higher, as well as gas prices, grocery prices and living overall. Feeling alone can feel like a overwhelming negative feeling. My biggest goal was to support myself and my own future family, as well as my mother, for all her health and living needs, so I never thought I would feel like a failure. Since I was a little girl, I felt a deep desire to be able to take care of my mom and out how to help her get the best doctors possible for her care. I never thought at 35 years old, that I would be struggling to pay bills and get barely by. This was not my dream reality life that I pictured for myself or even what I pictured for my mother. It's mostly just blame and abuse, because they see us more as an embarrassing issue, not worthy of their support, financially or physically. They would much rather us never exist, than ever really be able to be a person to lean on. So. we just have each other to lean on and do not help when we are also trying to build a business and try to achieve financial freedom, that would make our lives easier, and give us an opportunity to create jobs and give even more back to our community. It is just difficult to do, when I feel like the world is on my shoulders. I do not blame my mother for her chronic pain and non-stop migraines; I simply feel sad that we do not have family to lean on and that strangers are more supportive if our business is the closest family members. Who doesn’t care about us? I know things will get better. I do not know when or how, but I still have faith because that has been the only way I can keep going. It is just difficult to know my mom only has really myself as her only support and for her to lean on.
That’s why I have only ever read her mental health poetry book, a few times because it brings tears to my eyes. Knowing how much pain she is in and I have no ability to cure her.
Her book, Shattered by Denise Byers is available online bookstores: Chapters Indigo, Barnes and Noble, Walmart, Goodreads and Amazon worldwide.