My Little Black Book

My Little Black Book: 51 First Dates

By Angela-Rose Mangano

Do you ever have those moments where something arrives just at the right time and just for you? Like divine intervention! You’re not sure why, however you don’t need to know why and you are so deeply and sincerely grateful.

This happened one fine day for Rosie. Rosie’s dear Nonna, may she rest in peace, always believed in her ability to do anything she set her mind to. One of her biggest dreams was to become an author. She would often be seen carrying around a little black notebook. And she just loved it. The notebook looked aesthetically pleasing, the cover had a lovely welcoming texture to it, and the pages always looked so crisp and new, waiting with excited anticipation on what was about to be created.

One of Rosie’s bosses in the Middle East had always used the brand Moleskine, a small black notebook and that is where Rosie’s obsession for this type of notebook began! It was Moleskine or nothing! She played a trick on her boss one day, desperate she couldn’t find his favourite Moleskine brand so she bought something that she thought looked almost identical, however in his eyes it was an inferior peasant imitation notebook and it just didn’t cut the mustard. Rosie scoured the streets of Dubai until she found one (and when she did she made sure she stocked up on a few!) …. Phew! Thank you Moleskine you saved Rosie’s bacon once again!

One afternoon Rosie went to collect her post, it was almost a year since her Nonna had passed. She saw a very official letter arrive from the United States. It was addressed to Rosie and it was from a Law Firm.

Rosie held it in her hands for a moment and realised what it might be. She was not expecting anything, however it was a letter regarding the last will and testament of her Nonna. She clutched it with both hands and held it to her heart, she missed her Nonna immensely. She sat down with the letter and carefully opened it. She read the letter and at the bottom it said that Rosie had been bequeathed US$20,000. She sat and cried. Rosie was so overwhelmed with the generosity and kindness received. A small note that came with it said

“Thank you Rosie for everything you have always done for us, just a small thought. Follow your heart, wherever it may lead you. Love i Nonni Marge x”

Rosie thought about what she could do with this generous gift. And she wanted to do something with it that would be befitting to such a grand gesture. So Rosie decided to have her first book published in honour of Marge and Renato, and also her parents Alfina and Ross!!!

She cannot express how completely overjoyed she was and how excited she was to be publishing her very first ever book. She was fulfilling her dream of becoming a REAL author! Rosie knows or just feels it will be one of many books.

The second book Rosie has been working on is around the wonderful world of online dating, holy schmoly … not for the feint hearted, by golly!

Maybe Rosie felt too old fashioned, or maybe just felt old! However dating isn’t what it used to be. And frankly she’s pretty sure she doesn’t really like it! However it is challenging to meet new people. She did however persist with it because at first she thought perhaps this was a great way to meet people, perhaps meet someone extraordinary or at the very least make new friends.

It’s amazing the inner-dialogue, and comparing notes with other newly singles or friends whom have not dated in decades, there are a lot of funny stories, and crazy occurrences where you just think, you couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried.

And then throw in your own self worth, and self image to deal with, perhaps not quite the red hot sports car one used to be, with a ding or two in the body work! Post baby bodies for women or dad bods for the gents. From observation over critical of ourselves when often the other party would like a date to just show up! Being a little older thoughts of who would want me at this age, or do I really have to start all over again getting to know new people.

Healing after short or long term relationships, or perhaps never really experiencing anything long term. Not allowing healing time, and attempting to jump in the saddle before being ready. Dating is different for everyone, and there are many variations of the theme. Throw in extra challenges like children of different ages, navigating parenting plans, location, similar interests.

Definitely a whole new ball game. And if you are anything like Rosie, if you aint great at hand, eye co-ordination …. Good luck!

Depending where someone is at after a break up, sometimes it appears that to boost one’s confidence there is the “Hook Up” concept or the “Just for fun, nothing serious”. So many acronyms, you almost need an app to decipher codes like FWB, FB, ONS, or no ONS, Netflix & Chill.

There are those viewers looking for companionship and friendship. And others with a longer view seeking a long term relationship, but I guess you need to start somewhere … like two people meeting for coffee to see if they get along as humans, and potentially to be friends to start with. From conversations with others it seems there are often unrealistic expectations of a “perfect” person that is right for them, or the speed at which interactions occur. Not to mention appropriateness of content matter whether by photograph or messaging.

Rosie went on 30 something first dates! With no real success, most dated ended up being a one off, a facetime chat, or meeting for coffee. It drove Rosie bonkers around how many people are so badly behaved. Thus she decided to turn her dating experiences into research, around dating. Rosie had her trusty little black notebook and each time she went on a date, she would write a few notes about each interaction after the date and decided that this will be her next book …. Something like:

51 First Dates …. Hoping for 50 Shades of Foreplay: However receiving 50 Shades of Cray Cray!

We have become a very throw-away society, often with little care or concern for others. And an attitude of how can this serve me now. I guess it’s like being at a coffee shop and having your takeaway chai latter on soya milk, and then you see someone order an exotic looking salted caramel iced latte with ice-cream and whipped cream, and one may get distracted by this shiny new thing, and have coffee envy. I think this is the analogy I feel around online dating. There will always be someone prettier, fitter, smarter, better filters on their photos, funnier …. Giving too much choice and accessibility to actually get to know & have a potential new something special or connection due to all the background distractions and noise, or confidence boosts by how many likes did you receive on your profile, or how many messages from interested parties.

Looking at a profile, looks can be deceiving, and so can profile content. We can all look great on paper. However the proof is in the pudding. Basic etiquette, values, and behaviour to someone whom you have never met. From a profile & when you meet you can have different levels of attraction, most of which is really only surface level. It takes time to get to know people, and work out their quirks, humour etc. Sometimes it just clicks, and other times ….. do not pass go, do not collect $200 …. That was the longest half hour coffee meet and greet of your life! Actions often speak louder than words. Sometimes observing more and speaking less you can learn a lot.

A glance can mean so many things more than words could ever express. Keeping an open mind and an open heart for new experiences and making room for love, kindness, care and compassion. Love is often found where you least expect it. It is the feeling, not the seeing someone. We can see others by their physical attributes, however we can also see someone’s heart by the way they make us feel and interact. That warm feeling, sometimes it may feel like coming home. Where you are understood, and accepted 100% without judgement or ridicule. Becoming one and sharing your love universally with everyone you meet. Feeling gratitude.

The greatest love affair you will have is with yourself. You are with you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week from here to eternity so probably not a bad idea to get to know yourself and have some fun with it. Shine a torch on the darkest corners of your soul. Establish healthy boundaries within your life. Happiness is 100% an inside job. You are truly the source of your own happiness and it is up to you to choose joy everyday. You will still have tough days however it is always a choice to respond or react. And perhaps if you think you may react in not the best way …. Perhaps give yourself space to sit with whatever it is to respond in a civilised and appropriate way.

Are you the candle? Or are you the mirror that reflects it? Do you spread your light to others. Working on a healthy mindset every day. The greatest relationships, support each other and back each other up. Not just for the good times. And there to help each other out to be the best people they can be.

When you resonate with someone you feel it, it is not tangible, you may feel tingling, or a slight electrical current or goose bumps. Or that knowing feeling like you have know each other for a very long time. Being solid in yourself, not taking things personally, you will not be everyone’s cup of tea, and vice versa and that is ok. Being comfortable in your own skin, and being ok with you. It doesn’t matter what other people say or think about you. What matters are your thoughts? Of course be considerate to others however it is ok to express your own opinions and view the world a different way. So true the expression “Those whom matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind don’t matter.”

One of my all time favourite authors “Kahlil Gibran” a poet and philosopher wrote the book “The Prophet’. Finding an extraordinary relationship/friendship is allowing another to be free, neither to possess or be possessed. These exerpts resonates with me around the secret of a loving and lasting relationship:

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

“And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

Rosie went on 50 first dates over 18 months!

On New Year’s Eve the gentleman she was meant to meet for a date cancelled. The straw that broke the camel’s back, Rosie was done, ready to call it a day, deactivate her account and hang up her dance card.

Before she did perhaps by serendipity she started chatting with one last gentleman, Gordon.

Tall, dark and handsome, great energy & witty banter, they had a laugh about being cancelled on.

Who know’s perhaps Rosie was saving the last dance for Gordo & didn’t even know it?

The End

NB: This short story may have similarities to real life events and characters however characters are fictional.