My Girlfriend Is Having My Boyfriend's Baby

(Me - FemaleD - MaleA - Female)

Some of you know about my “alternative” lifestyle, some of you don’t. Maybe this story will shed some light on it for you. Not that it is any of your business or that I personally care one way or the other what your opinion might be. It’s more like this is your chance to choose if you want to be a part of my crazy life or not. I won’t hold my breath for any of you.

I’ve always known monogamy doesn’t work for me. I am two different people and I have too much love in my heart. I can love more than one parent, more than one child, more than one pet. Why can’t I love more than one partner? Its something I had always wondered, but never had the courage to approach. Until D. D, if anyone doesn’t know, is the father of my two sons. I have known him since I was about 13/14. We met because our mothers worked together.

We didn’t think about each other over the years. We were just people who had met at one time and shared a few care rides and a conversation here and there. Shortly after I turned 19, weird circumstances brought D into my life. He was still sexy as ever, and I was an ‘adult’ now (I use the term adult loosely!) so I used my devil-vagina magic on him. Two weeks after we slept together, we moved into a two bedroom apartment that was perfect for me, him, & Storm, who was two at the time. Then we went on our first date. Three months after that, E was conceived, and 362 days after Evan came into the world, his little brother D was born.

D and I were at different stages in our lives. Many of you know, we didn’t work out. I split, married someone else. D spent his time raising our boys, and I am the first to admit I cannot claim any credit in the amazing young men our boys are turning out to be. That’s 99 percent their amazing dad, for sure. Even though we were split, D and I were always amicable. We let our children see us having friendly conversations, and neither of us hesitated to reach out to the other for an issue that involved our boys. If I was having car trouble, D would bring the boys to me and pick them up. If he had an event, I would gladly rearrange schedules to accommodate.

Let’s flash forward and not get hung up on details. It's summer time. I’m single. D’s single. The universe conspires to push us back together. We don’t know what we are doing at first, so we hide it from the kids. Which was kinda fun, I’ll admit. Hiding my tennis shoes so the boys wouldn’t know I was in their house. It didn’t last long—just a week or so before the boys caught me there. They thought it was very strange I just popped in to visit their dad. Our mutual friends were like yeah, you guys are back together. And then… we were.

Neither of us would ever compare this to “old times.” I mentioned we were at different stages in our lives the first time, and this time around, we have both matured and mellowed quite a bit, we’d like to think. A crazy party around here now is some pen & paper RPG with the whole family gathered together in the living room. Or ice cream sundaes at nine on a school night. We are lucky if can stay up later than the kids on a week night, forget about the weekends! And that is just fine with us.

I keep getting hung up on the little details that aren’t that important in the grand scheme of what this story is supposed to be. I’m sorry. A little bit of back story is good, but back to my point. I’ll skip past all the hand-wrenching, gut-churning feelings of dread about bringing up the subject (adding a second female to our relationship) I wanted to approach with D and the fact that HE TOLD ME NO at first. That’s right, D rejected the idea at first. He had his own apprehensions and we sat down and talked about what we were thinking and what our expectations were, etc.

I’m working at a truck stop, and I meet A. It wasn’t love at first sight or any of that cliché bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, of course there was an immediate attraction there. Why else does one person want to get to know another person ever? You are attracted to that person, whether it's physical, mental, or you are both attracted to similar interests. What immediately bonded us, I think anyways, I can’t say what she might think, was our mutual loves of bacon, Netflix, and all things nerdy.

As I work with this woman and get to know her more, it’s pretty clear to me that she is amazing and so close to perfect, it scares me. She likes a lot of the same things I like and also shares interests with D. Where did she come from?? I started awkwardly flirting with her because I had no idea how to actually get a woman I had more than a physical interest in to come home with me. Apparently, A was also flirting back, but again, women are not my realm of expertise, even though I am one. I know, I know… but it’s basically true… not even women know what women want.

I’ll skip the steamy details because I know most of you are perverts and want to hear them! (Kidding!) A and, eventually, her kids, started hanging out at our place more and more. The more they were there, they suckier it was when they left. She’s got two wild childs, and I wouldn’t change them for the world. They’ve brought a little bit of destruction into my life, but a lot of joy as well, and I’ll take all the colored-on furniture and torn books in trade for the sunshine-y days at the park. These three ladies, soon to be four, are a part of my family now, forever.

I’ll skip ahead to the end of this story now. A is eight months pregnant with D’s baby. OUR baby. She is due in June with a little girl. It’s not a decision that was made lightly or on a whim. We are not just bringing a baby into the world because they are cute and smell delicious. We decided to have a baby as a family. When little W.A.R. (WAR is coming!!) makes her debut appearance, our family will be complete.

We have opposers, of course. Family members or friends that think the way we live is unnatural or against whatever deity they choose to believe in. And that’s ok. I have friends and family who live ways I don’t agree with. That doesn’t mean I love them any less. We all make our own way through life and have to live with the consequences of our choices.

The comment has been made a few times, to A, that I am not the baby’s mom so what’s she going to call me? Here’s my answer to that: Family isn’t always blood and blood isn’t always family, either. What’s little baby W, the product of this unholy trinity, going to call her second mom? Whatever the fuck she decides to, really. If she calls me mom, I will be honored, just as I am those times few and far between the girls have addressed me as mom (even if it was on accident, I’ll take it!) If she calls me Other Mom like my kids do to A, I would still be honored. If she calls me K or makes up her own name for me or anything in between, she’s still gonna be ONE OF MY six KIDS! And that’s a decision for MY family, not yours.

Anyone that sees our family on any sort of regular basis will know that we function just like any other. We have our good days and our bad. There are probably more of us sitting down for dinner at my place than yours, but that just means our dinner conversation is a little more varied, maybe. Our house is probably a little louder and more chaotic than yours, but thats OK too, because we wouldn’t change it. It's probably a little messier around here too, but we do our best and that’s all anyone can expect really. I try to ‘deep clean’ once a week to catch up all the things the kids miss when doing their chores. If you don’t happen to stop by my house on that particular day, it probably looks like a tornado went through that spits out little girl dresses and dog toys and boy socks and dinner plates. And I’m OK with that.

I’ve heard the same question a dozen or more times: “How does it work?” Well, how does any relationship between consenting adults work? You deal with problems together. You co-parent your children and do the best to teach them right from wrong and how to survive into adulthood, together. You pay the bills, you make the dinner, you mow the yard, you argue, you stress—together. Everything we do is just like everything you do, with the exception being there is a third voice. That in itself is sometimes a blessing and sometimes not. Sometimes one of us has to play mediator between the other two. Sometimes none of the three of us can agree on a topic (Ohio State vs Michigan. Superman vs Batman vs Spiderman). And sometimes the two females are just your typical females and don’t listen to reason and come home with pockets full of new pets or some stupid hair color we don’t need. Guys, seriously. D deserves a medal some days…

This post turned out a little longer than I expected and evolved into something other than I originally intended. It pains me that the two people I love have conflict with anybody in their families because of our lifestyle, and I could give a rat's patoot what either of those two families or mine have to say and/or think about my family. The people whose opinions matter most to me all live under the same roof. Shake all you want, our foundations are sturdy.