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My First Experience Birthing Alone

by Jenna Rae Mueller 5 months ago in children
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My First Experience Birthing Alone
Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash

No one should have to be alone while birthing if that isn't something they truly want.

I had spent half of my pregnancy planning for an unassisted birth. Researching and planning and preparing, buying what I could and being gifted some things for birth. I was excited to have a better experience than my last birth. I was excited to welcome my first boy. I was emotional and wishing his father cared and wanted to be present. But, an unassisted birth felt like it was going to be such an empowering option!

However, as time grew closer and as I passed the 40 week mark I grew nervous. I was 20 and I didn't know if maybe there was something wrong with my body? I didn't realize that my sweet baby's body would release a chemical to communicate to my body that he was ready to come earthside. What if my placenta calcified after 40 weeks? What if my amniotic fluid started to deplete somehow or something? I tried to get in for an ultrasound for my peace of mind --- I figured I wouldn't be denied because I had an ultrasound with my first in the third trimester (she's only 16 months older). However, I was very rudely told no.

So, I kept taking care of my 1 month old and preparing for a newborn. That was all I could do, afterall.

The evening of November 14th, I got some mild contractions and I decided to contact a friend to see if I could get help with my daughter. I drove my daughter to my friend's place and drank a small amount of the controversial castor oil. I was going to go in to the hospital because I felt like something was off, I didn't know what but something felt off. I was going to have my baby and I was going to figure out why I felt like something was off and be able to receive help if needed.

I went in to the hospital and was coerced into an unwanted cervical check tht was a trigger for me as a sexual abuse survivor. I was deemed to be in labor which felt miraculous to me that I was naturally in labor.

Maybe my body WAS built for this after all.

I was taken to a room where I was hooked up to monitors, restricted from movement, and repeatedly triggered by more coerced cervical checks. I felt like I was in hell. There was absolutely no peace.

The nurses didn't like listening to me and so instead of being supportive the coerced me into painkillers including an epidural. I didn't want any of it. The epidural was put in wrong. But near lunchtime, I tried to move my numb legs to reposition myself after coming back from the bathroom. No one was nearby at the time. I was surprised to feel a head. A nurse came in and told me I shouldn't feel a head, she put on gloves and was very surprised that my baby was in fact crowning.

I delivered my son at 12:27 pm on November 15th, 2017.

I couldn't hold him right away due to fear of dropping him as I was getting dizzy. I was actually, bleeding more than I should have been and recieved a shot for hemorrhaging.

Later, I learned that my son has Coloboma of the iris.

He also had two holes in his heart which thankfully closed. (He is now diagnosed with a childhood heart murmur, which hopefully he will grow out of)


Thank you very much for taking the time to read my birth story. If you enjoyed reading my birth story of my son, I think I have up my daughter's birth story from 2016? I have up a story on the "Sacred Window" (Postpartum stage). If you want more birth-y or motherhood stories, please consider following me, giving my stories a heart, and sharing them. I appreciate you.


About the author

Jenna Rae Mueller

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