My Cousin Naomi, Knot Redefined

Dear Naomi,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately, with fingers crossed, sending out prayers and good intentions that your up-coming appointment with the specialist will bring good news and a healthy prognosis. You're an amazingly strong woman, and I know you will get through this, but it's so unfair that you have to face it. You've been through more than enough shit already.

Your resilience and determination in working through the obstacles in your life are a constant source of inspiration to me. Like how, on getting your recent diagnosis, you immediately took action and put together your book of poetry. I've been saying I'm working on a book for years, but you just got down to it and did it. You refuse to let life hold you back, and always find paths forward.

It was a great honour reading through your poems, helping you edit them for publication. It was also joy, sorrow, pain, hope, wonder... Underlaid by strength. Perseverance. Endurance. Determination. All expressed so eloquently and heart-wrenchingly in your words. You have examined pain from many angles. It sucks that you've been forced to dip so often into the depths of the well of sorrows, even if you have drawn fortitude up in your bucket.

I know you've had challenges thrown at you since childhood, some of them just because of the skin you're in. We Canadians like to believe that racism and intolerance aren't problems here, but they definitely are, and as a mixed-race woman, you've borne the brunt of that.

I was really touched with how you've addressed your struggles with identity in your video 'Un-Boxable', which I found when I was browsing around on your web site. How you embrace all that you are makes my heart swell – I watched it three times!

Another example of how you face challenges head on and turn them around on themselves. So good to see you breaking free! There are just so many restrictions and limitations and negative expectations put on us, put on you, and you keep refusing to be defined by what or who other people tell you you are. You are you - strong, sexy, intelligent, and so much more!

You don't fight pain and adversity only through self-examination and self-expression, though; you've also discovered how healthy living and sports can help. You've written how much that helped you work through the sexual traumas you faced during your military service.

Your experiences in the military were not what they should have been. You joined the military to serve your country, and were badly served by your fellow soldiers and commanding officers. Mistreated and traumatized, not by an official enemy, but by members of our own forces. Including at least one senior officer, a man who instead of watching out for you as one of those entrusted to his command, added to your lack of safety. Abused his position and you.

You were so bold to name him, accuse him, and face him in a court martial! Thank you for asking me to be at your side at that trial. I know how hard it was for you to go through, and I hope that I was able to lend you a little strength by being there, but I know you have deep reserves of determination within yourself.

You drew on those reserves, worked through scars from the misogynistic mess of the military. You've even found the courage to speak publicly about your mental health challenges around the trauma you endured. And part of that journey was getting involved in sports.

Running, cycling, power-lifting... Talk about strength, girl, you even lift weights! More than 300 pounds at a time? Hella-big bar-bells!

I remember watching your progress through your Facebook videos, steadily adding more weight, reaching your goals and setting new ones. Entering competitions. It even got me into lifting weights for a while, when I had access to a gym at one of my jobs. I did not do power-lifting, though, with those huge disks on the bars. Lifting the bar itself was just about enough for me!

When I heard you were going to the Invictus Games, I assumed it would be for power-lifting, but no, you pulled another skill out of the bag, and competed in cycling. And not only did you compete, but you won two medals! So proud you made your family!

I went and checked out the Invictus web site the other day, and loved seeing your name in the list of medal winners. I think the Invictus logo is pretty cool, too, with the strong I AM at its center. And how they use “the power of sport” to help servicemen and women with recovery and rehabilitation after trauma and injury. A noble cause.

Initiated by Prince Harry, eh? And you got to shake his hand, I saw in a video on your site. I guess he's still involved with the games, doesn't have to be a royal to care about helping people who have served their countries.

Talking about your web site, I enjoyed browsing around your boutique and your art display, and reading more of your poetry. I especially like your pictures of poppies, and the resin goddesses. You've found many ways to express your fierceness and resilience. Many ways to grow.

Remember that night at the family reunion when we stayed up late by the fire, talking and laughing and breaking glow sticks and flinging their colourful innards about in the darkness? That's when I realized that you, my little first-cousin-once-removed, were all grown up, and I really liked the woman you had become. Not that any of us is ever all grown up, done growing, and your continued growth and blossoming and tackling of new projects inspire me to keep reaching for new goals, to face challenges head on, and to keep growing.

And you help others work through life and reach their goals. As a wellness coach, I'm sure you're able to inspire and connect with your clients, guiding them on their own journeys to health. I gotta say, Naomi, you've acquired an impressive amount of certified training and education over the years, along with your hard-won, real-world knowledge. You've taken your own trials, learned how to build yourself up with a range of healthy life-style habits, and help others through their own hard growth. You have strength to share.

Anyways, this is all to say, you're an amazing woman, and I know you've got this. It may rip at you, but it will not tear you apart. I wish I was closer to you, able to give you a big hug, but I guess I couldn't do that these days anyway. I am here for you, however I can be, even if that's just talking on the phone. Call anytime.

Oh, Naomi, I really love you, and am so happy to have you as my friend as well as my cousin. I hope you'll be able to come up to visit me in Yukon again once Covid is over, or at least under control. I don't know when I'll be in Ontario again, but I'll make sure to come see you when I'm there.

Woman, you make me proud. Strong emotionally, physically, mentally. Intelligent. Creative. Determined. Sexy. Beautiful. Aware. In touch. Healthy. Knowledgeable. You just keep growing, and achieving more, and widening your pool of skills.

Your strength has come through adversity that you have an incredible ability to meet and rise above. You can ride these waves without being swamped. But I do hope the waves are only ripples on the shore.

Lots of Love, Peri

PS - I can't wait to get my copy of 'Knot Redefined'. Your poems touch me deeply.

PSS - I'm entering this letter in a writing challenge at vocal.media (if that's okay with you, of course). If it does happen to win a prize or garner cash tips from readers, I will pass all funds on to you to use in your health and wellness journey. I can't think of anyone who deserves a boost more.