My Child Is a King, Not a Source of Pleasure and Self-Expression

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action.

- Mother Teresa

A family is a spiritual experience for me and my child

When born, my child already had everything of his own. His personality was already determined. I could trace the powerful spirit early on as well as discover gentle softness right away. I just needed to guide him gently by sincerely being willing to get to know him and by admitting the existence of his perfect nature.

I took my child's hand and started this thought-provoking journey without trying to force my will. I did not compare - but respected. I did not judge - but tried to understand.

This precious personality should grow in an atmosphere of unconditional love. Only sincere affection and respect can gift my son with a firm belief in his significance, his predetermined unique place in this world.

Out of this experience, that my child can get only within his family, he learns to see into the inside of himself and recognize his splendid perfection. With this knowledge, my son becomes ready to defend his personality in any circumstances (playground, school, work, etc.) not being afraid of ridicule, never taking it seriously.

I support my child when he strives for happiness and greatness

He reveals his childish dreams to me, and I always take them seriously. We talk about his fantastic plans for the future, and I make him believe in this imaginary reality, in his ability to reach any heights, to fulfill any plans.

What are we without dreams? Mere automatons. Dreams make us move, create masterpieces, and make new scientific discoveries that save millions of lives. Dream driven actions make a king from a peasant, and a king without dreams becomes a vagabond.

I remember my child in his first year of life. This was his fairy tale, where there was no need to pretend that he liked something when he didn't. He was the king of this land. He felt comfortable in the presence of loving, devoted parents and fierce if he didn't like someone, even if this someone was the monarch of the neighboring state. This king, my son, was brave in everything he did, not afraid of doing something wrong.

I respected then and continue to respect now his desire to be himself because it brings him peace. I am my child's chaperone on his way through his kingdom. I show support and unconditional love: "I love you the way you are. You will never make me love you less." In this land we have discussions and arguments, we have different opinions. We listen to each other with respect, learn from our differing points of view, and solve problems together.

I answer every question with patience and honesty

When my child asks "what" I answer with patience and honesty, explaining the "why". I know that the explanation should not be misleading, as it is hard to correct this mistake and keep the same level of trust afterward.

I remember to not pressure my child by instilling in him the behavior that I think is appropriate. He needs to understand, taste the meaning of things, digest the outcomes of any behavior, and make his own judgments. I guide him during this process and make it joyful. Even such a thing as brushing teeth I make fun. And if the question "why should I do it?" is asked, patience and creativity help me make the answer reasonable in a childish way but with a grown-up meaning in it.

Take this summary and help your child reveal his unique personality:

• The success of your family is determined by understanding each other's roles. In my family, Father is wisdom in the face of difficulty; Mother is compassion and love. This combination helps to shape the child's personality and to develop his character. A child's character (ability to keep his promises, to stand upright in the face of difficulty, work ethic, etc.) is formed with his father's influence, and his personality (whether he is shy, or outgoing and talkative; either he is domineering, influencing, steady or complying) is shaped with his mother's support and loving care.

• A child is born with his personality written in his life-book. Our goal as parents is to help to open this book and teach our children to read it. We should not try to change its contents. Instead, we just need to guide our kid gently on his way by sincerely being willing to know him and admitting the existence of his personality.

• Often we do not pay as much attention to our child's character as we do to teaching him to hold a spoon and eat by himself (to free more time for ourselves), to brush his teeth, and make his bed. Behaviors are adopted through imitation. This means we need to work on ourselves to become an example of a principle-centered life, where unconditional love and parental support, and protection are always present.

• Do not force your little one to be like someone else or compare him to other children. In striving to imitate, the child becomes like a crow in an old parable. He vainly tries to master flying in the skies in an attempt to become a sparrow. As he strives to do so, he forgets how to walk on his own. Listen to his needs. Support his attempts to express his individuality. Look for signs of spiritual openness and welcome every moment of sincere communication.

I do not consider my child a source of pleasure for myself: giving love when I feel like it, and if my mood is blue - considering my son as a mere hindrance on the way to a quiet sleep on a couch. He is entrusted to me. It fills me with responsibility and happiness, and I cannot imagine the one without the other.