My Broken Family

My childhood was never normal. My dad was a construction worker and my mom was a CNA. They brought in enough income to keep our family afloat. I was the oldest of 3 children. I loved each of my parents, but I could always tell that the didn't really love each other. They fought 6 out of 7 nights of the week it seemed like. Not like arguing either. It was like full on fist fights. My mom always threw the first punch. Looking back on it now, it was definitely a stupid decision for a 125lb woman who was 5' 5''. Definitely something children should not be seeing. We all tried to protect our mother. I always thought my dad was in the wrong. After growing up, I now realize that he wasn't in the wrong as much as I thought.

You see...my mom is bi-polar. Along with a whole list of other mental and physical disorders. She would constantly find little things to get upset about and then five minutes later, she was your best friend. She would constantly accuse my dad of cheating, stealing money from the savings, lying, and more. I will never know the truth of whether he did any of that. Of course, I want to believe that he didn't. When you grow up in the family that I did; trusting people isn't easy.

When I turned 10, I first caught my mother cheating. Not like walking in on her or anything, but on a simple phone call. She worked 10:00 P.M. to 6:00 A.M. She took a nap after dinner and woke up at 8:30 P.M. to do her makeup. I would always go sit in there and watch her. I thought she was so pretty. I would talk to her about my day and what I wanted to be when I grew up. One night, I walked in while she was on the phone. Being a nosy 10 year old I asked, "Who are you talking to?" and she told me, "My friend Belinda." I knew her friend Belinda. She was nice. Her and mom were more of mutual friends so I found it incredibly odd when she ended the call with, "Okay sweetheart. I'm about to leave. See you soon. I love you." It stuck with me. I kissed her goodnight as she left out the door for 'work' like she always did. I didn't sleep that night. I thought about it all night.

Later that year, my dad filed for divorce and my mom left my dad to move in with "Belinda" to start a new life. Belinda's real name was BJ. BJ Johnson. My mom picked us up to go see my cousins and I remember her telling me about him on the way over. She said that he was a country western singer. He was going to change our lives. He was going to give us everything we wanted. My sister and brother were 6 and 5 so this sounded cool to them. They could basically pick up any toy they wanted in the Walmart toy isle now. I hadn't even met the guy yet, but I already hated him. I was angry. He basically ruined my family. It wasn't great to begin with but now it was without a mom. The one who was supposed to kiss me goodnight and teach me about how to be a lady. She was out of the house and now a 'weekend mom' whatever that meant.

My birthday came and passed. I had to grow up super fast. I was now the responsible higher female role. I had to be someone my sister could look up to. I did majority of the cleaning in the house. I did all the laundry and dishes. I made sure my sister and brother did their homework and baths before bed. I filled out all the money orders to pay the bills. I was 11. Meanwhile, my mom was having the time of her life with some guy she didn't even know.

April 1st, I was getting the kids ready for bed. I just gotten my brother out of the bath and put him in bed. My dad slept in his recliner. He couldn't stand to sleep in the same bed that he once slept in with his wife of 12 years. So my brother slept in there. Lucky him to have a huge queen sized bed and master bedroom while my sister and I shared a small room with a bunk bed. I was getting ready for my shower. I turned the water on to warm up. I was grabbing clothes from my dresser and I heard the loudest BOOM I had ever heard in my life. My ears were ringing. I walked out of the bathroom to see my dad running into his room. Seconds later, I saw smoke rolling across the ceiling. Then my dad came running out with my brother in his arms. "Get out! Get out! The house is on fire! To the mailbox! Go!," He screamed. Instant tears. I didn't even turn the shower off. I grabbed my sister and we ran out the back door, around the house, and to the mailbox. We got in the back of my dads truck, holding each other with tears rolling down our face. We watched our house, our home, burn in flames.

We called my mom to let her know what happened. The fire department was already there. When she finally picked up, she thought we were lying. It was April Fools day after all. Not that anyone should joke about that ever. She came over with hickies on her neck and chest. She tried to comfort us. The kids didn't even want to go to her. They came to me. I was the one to comfort them.

After living with family for awhile, my dad finally got a house. It was a small 2 bedroom with 1 bathroom. It was small. But we made it work. I was about to start 6th grade. I was the 'woman of the house' now. I did all the mother like duties. I cooked, cleaned, helped the kids with homework. I was up to make sure my siblings got up for school. All while my dad was working. My mom was still messing around. Half the time we didn't know where she was. I was so angry. I was supposed to be living my life to the fullest. Hanging with friends and playing sports. I was supposed to be a kid still and I was playing mom.

We eventually got to see more and more. We found out that her and BJ were more of an on and off relationship. She fought with him all the time too. Thankfully it was just yelling. Over the next 3 years, they went through 5 houses. 2 of which were in an RV park. There, BJ introduces me to his friends son. His name was Jimmy. He was easy on the eyes. He was 18. I was 14. I thought it was cool that I was hanging out with someone older. I was mature well beyond my age so it felt okay. He just saw it as an opportunity. He tried to do everything he could to get in my pants. I did everything I could to keep him out. We never had sex. I did feel like I was taken advantage of. I was worth so much more and he just saw me as a piece of meat.

I stopped going to my moms for awhile until she found a new house. By then, it was my freshman year of high school. By this point, I saw all my other friends having fun and going to parties and I wanted that. My dad started dating a girl who was a complete bitch. I hated her too. She tried to get me to call her mom. She told me how I should dress. She made me feel shitty constantly.

So I decided to stop taking care of my siblings and move in with my mom. Yes. I moved in with the woman that I hated more often than not. I lived. I would hang out with all my friends whenever I wanted. I drank often. I ended up having to switch schools.

Soon I met someone who lived on my street. His name was Travis. I would sneak out every night and we would hang out. I thought I was falling in love. I told him everything. I found it crazy that he had anything to do with me. He was so handsome and tall. He was thin but muscular. I, on the other hand, was chunky. I had always been. I found comfort in food and my size reflected that. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He made me feel like he could have taken care of me. That's honestly all I ever wanted. I was so tired of taking care of everyone else. So in my rebellious stage, I gave myself to him. Looking back on it, it was nothing special.

Soon my mom ended things off completely with BJ. It didn't take her long to find another man though. This one was and still is probably the worst of them all. He was a cop at a local college with 3 kids all grown up. He told my mom he loved her. They met in May of 2013. We moved in with him in June and they married in July. He convinced my mom that he could help win custody of the kids. So they took my dad to court for full custody. They told me to tell the lawyer and judge a whole bunch of lies when they called me in to the chambers. I told them that I would. I did not. I knew by far that my dad was the better fit parent. My siblings hated my dad for it. They wanted to be with me and mom. I understood that. Time went on though.

Eventually my dad gave my mom full custody of the kids. By that time, all of Kelly's skeletons had started to come out of the closet. He smoked pot. He had a huge spending problem. The electricity and water got turned off so many times. He was in debt beyond belief and only married my mom because she had kids that he could file on his income tax.

My mom started having some problems physically. She would have these spells. She was loopy and didn't know who anyone was. She would fall asleep with cigarettes in her hand while she had 2 that were still lit in the ashtray. The doctors told her she had MS and that's what was causing this. Kelly would take her into their bedroom and we wouldn't see her for hours. Lord knows what was going on. She quit working. Became a 'stay at home mom'.

Mom eventually told Kelly to stop smoking pot. He hated her for it I'm sure. He was constantly angry. He started taking it out on us kids. He would spank my brother for spilling water. I wasn't having it. So I stepped in. He would try to kick me out and he would stop paying my phone bill. I didn't care. My family's safety came first. He got fired from his job for smoking pot. Then got a new job that he only worked part time. Not enough to feed his spending addiction.

One day I came home to him busting my brothers ass. Except he was hitting him everywhere. So I stepped in of course. This time he slammed me into the couch and broke my shoulder. I have never broken a bone in my life. The pain was the worst pain that I have ever felt in my life. My mom took me to the ER. I told them everything that happened. I was 17 so by law they had to call the cops. CPS and the cops came. I spent most of the night in the hospital. When I finally got out, I was in so much pain. My mom took me back to that house. Kelly came up to me and said, "sorry." and then walked away. I hated him even more. My mom still stayed with him.

We got taken away from that house. CPS had us live with our dad. Things didn't work out well there. So we moved in with our Aunt. When I turned 18, I was free to live wherever I wanted. I was 1 month away from turning 18. I wanted to finish off high school where I was at. So I moved back in with my mom. I hated myself for it. I didn't say anything to Kelly for months. I had nothing to say to him. I wanted him dead.

I finished my senior year and then went to college for a year. I got a job. I started paying for my own things. I never talked to anyone in the house. Then in 2017, I got into a huge fight with Kelly. He kicked me out for the last time. I packed only the essentials and left. I didn't know where I was going at that time. I ended up moving in with my boyfriend and his parents. My mom continued to stay with him. She's always been that way. She always picks men that she's with, over her kids. Which in some cases is fine. But when your man is beating and abusing you and your kids, then the tables need to turn.

I've lived with my boyfriend for almost a whole year now. I am beyond thankful for them. I love them so much for giving me a chance at a normal family. As far as my actual family goes, my relationships are weird. My dad lives 45 minutes away so I mostly see him on the weekends. My mom lives 7 minutes away. I see her occasionally during the week. I call her and she rants about how much her life sucks. She's already trying to find a new man. She is probably never going to be independent. My sister is now my best friend. I love her so much and she's probably the only reason I go to visit. My brother hates my mom for everything that has happened. His attitude reflects it. We are cool though.

Of course, I wish my life had happened a little differently. I wish my family wasn't broken. I wish I didn't have to go through so much pain. I wish I didn't have to grow up so fast. It has taught me to be more mature for sure. I'm now 20 and feel like I should already be married with kids living in my own house. It has been a blessing and a curse. I know what to do and what not to do. I have a stable relationship where communication is the biggest key. I still have a hard time trusting people. If anything, everything I've been through will make me a better mother and wife.