Motherly Advice

When I was a teenager, I would always laugh at the anti-aging advice my mom would give me such as: "always moisturize your neck" or "sleep with a bra on so your boobs never sag.” (True story.)

But her best advice about aging gracefully that I valued the most, reflected the life lessons she taught me about how to take care of myself on the inside, not the outside.

As an immigrant who came from nothing, my mom didn’t have it easy when she arrived in America. She was made fun of for being poor, not speaking English, and for not having any friends. She put herself through college by working three jobs and in the midst of it all, she lost her mom in an unexpected tragic accident.

Despite the devastation and the odds, my mom eventually went on to earn a Master’s Degree and became a teacher. She lived by the motto “never let anyone bring you down.”

Looking back on it, it was almost as if my mom was superhuman by today’s standards. She raised four of us, worked a full-time job, and always made a homemade three-course meal every night - all while never consuming a sip of alcohol.

The funny thing is, when you’re a kid, you don’t realize that you’re also watching your parents grow up, too. So in honor of being the daughter of a Boss Mom, I'd love to share some of the key lessons I learned from her along the way. Here is the distilled version of my mom's wisdom and resilience; from her, to me, to you.

Do good and forget about it

The amount of time and money I've spent on people that were undeserving of my kindness is incalculable. I always used to take it personally when my good nature went unnoticed or unappreciated, so my mom would always remind me that you should never be keeping score. “If you do something nice for someone, do it from your heart, not because you want something out of it” she would say. Even as an adult, anytime I do something gracious where I find myself thinking "wow, that person was really ungrateful", I remember this sentiment.

If you spit in the air it’ll come back to hit you

I've lived long enough to know that what goes around comes around. The world works in mysterious ways and you never know how people are connected. After breakups or falling outs, my mom was an advocate of speaking highly of someone and not speaking badly of them. If you choose to bad-mouth a person, it will undoubtedly come back to you in some negative way, shape or form.

Don't count other people's blessings

It’s really easy to look at someone else's life and draw your own conclusions without having all of the facts. Or to think someone is "luckier" than you for some superficial reason. The reality? No one has it all together. Everyone has problems. Whenever I need a reminder of this, all I have to do is read the news or get online. After that, I get all of the perspective I need to figure out what is truly important in my life. My mom always said that if you're going to count anyone's blessings, count your own.

Never put down someone who works - no matter what their job is

My mom’s first job was as a house cleaner when she was five years old and she went on to work for 60 more years after that. At one point in time, she was working as a research assistant, a waitress and a grocery store clerk to support herself and her family. In short, she hustled. But because of my mom’s humility and empathy, she always emphasized to have nothing but respect for someone who earns an honest living and supports themselves - even if they're a garbage collector or have multiple odd jobs.

The only thing permanent is death

Whenever I would freak out about something that was not worth freaking out about, my mom would always remind me that "there is a solution to every problem and the only thing you can't undo is death." No one is above negative emotions or bad days - they happen to all of us - but it is all in how we handle it. My mom's simple trick: wait 20 minutes before you react to something so you can gather your thoughts and avoid a "heat of the moment" response.

What you see is what you get

I really hate to believe this one, but people continually show you who they are. And when they do, you should believe them. You should like someone for who they are, not who you want them to be. People are capable of tweaking certain things about their habits, but after a certain age, people are who they are. So if someone is mistreating you now, it's not all of a sudden going to get better. The unattractive behaviors we see before we enter a commitment with someone only worsen after commitment. My mom has always been astute with her perceptions and the ability to see someone’s true colors so she would always remind me "don't second guess yourself."

If you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

Sometimes you just have to laugh at situations and make the best of what’s happening - especially the moments that are outside of your control. My mom was always a master at making light of a bad day with her goofy impromptu kitchen dances, incorrect song lyrics and made-up words. As an adult I can understand now that the takeaway from those moments was to live in the present tense. Regret belongs in the past, worry exists in the future, and the present is all we have...so you may as well make the best of it. Thanks to my mom, as an adult I finally understand why the present IS a present.